Love: Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML

By damn it rose - 31/05/2014 13:40 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 308

You deserved it 8 106

Love

Age difference

Another great day to be alive

Our house, in the middle of our street

By MAWZ - 19/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell and hit my head on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 563

You deserved it 5 131

By Fatty - 17/05/2011 02:12 - Canada

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 162

You deserved it 16 028

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 380

You deserved it 28 629

By lageste - 20/11/2008 04:37 - France

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 118

You deserved it 5 285

By Kaji - 14/11/2008 11:20 - France

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 459

You deserved it 24 009

Vinted-ed

By whywouldudothat - 19/04/2020 02:00

Today, my mom sold my watch collection on Vinted. I've spent over 15 years on the collection and I don't even live with my mom. I'm still wondering how she got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 108

By itssomething - 01/03/2016 20:15 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 501

You deserved it 2 612

By Anonymous - 16/06/2018 15:00

Today, after massive bouts of diarrhea, vomiting, and doctor visits lasting weeks, I finally got a diagnosis... from my puppy's vet. I got Giardia from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 212

You deserved it 347

By annabellatrix - 14/09/2015 18:20 - Hungary

Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus. Then on the other bus I changed to in order to lose him. At least somebody's interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 494

You deserved it 2 375

By u raised him - 10/02/2018 01:30

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 312

You deserved it 563

By some explaining to do - 25/12/2016 08:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 269

You deserved it 3 106

Quickie

By HolyyMolyy - 11/07/2016 10:24

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 601

You deserved it 1 993

By FailAtLife - 22/02/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 157

You deserved it 33 664

By Waffle - 09/03/2011 15:47

Today, a little boy called me on the phone, crying "grandma died" in a broken voice. I just didn't have the heart to say "wrong number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 274

You deserved it 4 677

By crétin-crédule - 26/02/2013 05:02 - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 086

You deserved it 51 189

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, somewhat annoyed: "Dont drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 971

You deserved it 10 902

By theshameofit - 01/02/2011 17:42 - Cyprus

Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 764

You deserved it 42 150

By fmlfmlfml - 11/10/2011 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 8 657

By signinept - 18/09/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I got really annoyed waiting for a bus that was supposed to come every 10 minutes. After a few minutes of waiting, I realized the "bus stop" was really a no parking sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 287

You deserved it 49 793

Bit of both

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 16:01 - Australia

Today, at the age of 30, I was diagnosed with both sciatica and ADHD. I don't know whether to feel really old, or really young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 58

By JustAmirage - 14/02/2019 20:00

Today, it was my first day at work. They had me a large tray with lots of food on it, even after I told them I wasn’t comfortable carrying it. I hit the door on the way out of the kitchen, spilling everything on the tray, breaking 2 soup bowls and 3 salad plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 343

By out of the closet - 26/04/2016 00:22 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 754

You deserved it 1 519

By breakfast tea - 07/04/2012 19:30 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 696

You deserved it 28 498

By That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - 04/01/2014 07:21 - United States

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 210

You deserved it 4 229

Don't get it

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 19:17 - United States - Bristol

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 130

You deserved it 3 320

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 573

You deserved it 19 453

By Me - 03/06/2013 05:32 - United States - Homer Glen

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 353

You deserved it 3 894

News to me

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I was texting my friend. He has a history of depression, which we were talking about, and somehow, he turned the conversation to, "If we ever broke up, I would kill myself." I didn't even know we were even going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 172

You deserved it 2 984

By stephiew - 14/07/2011 03:15 - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 614

You deserved it 2 515

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 21:18 - United States

Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 577

You deserved it 12 183

By Beardedlady - 27/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Madison

Today, my mom told me that I need to shave my beard because it's getting too long. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 558

You deserved it 385

By Anonymous - 06/05/2015 17:44 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 241

You deserved it 37 188

Ham-fisted attempt

By HamHanded - 10/03/2017 09:17

Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 588

You deserved it 665

A lot on my plate

By BrokeAndLonely - 26/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today, after seven months of job-searching, I got another rejection. This is after a breakup, a job loss, the deaths of my grandfather and best friend, tax issues, 3 years of dealing with a severe phobia, family issues, and a pandemic. Plus, now I can't buy the flat I fell in love with. Someone up there hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 124

By Betsydoll - 29/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 538

You deserved it 26 263

When it rains, it pours.

By BadKarma - 28/08/2018 07:00 - United States - Douglas

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 145

I'm not sad. Or am I?

By Dr Pepper - 22/05/2019 18:05

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 1 585

By anonymous - 13/02/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 028

You deserved it 2 962

By vinniesuckmadack - 24/04/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 387

You deserved it 37 923

By bass - 22/09/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 384

You deserved it 2 889

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Top comments

gingaa96 18

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:15

Decisions, decisions.. Who did you choose? Your ex sounds lovely

TheDrifter 23

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:16

Was she wearing a wedding dress? Last chance to change your mind before she goes from stage 5 clinger to stalker.

gingaa96 18

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:15

Decisions, decisions.. Who did you choose? Your ex sounds lovely

PenguinBitch 43

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:54

The name reminds me of Titanic.

Dynosaur_dollie 38

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:56

I thought more of two and a half men.. you know crazy stalker Rose?

ElectroThunder28 16

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Saturday 31 May 2014 22:24

Two and a half men? OP is a girl

Respect101 17

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Saturday 31 May 2014 23:29

she was making a joke. I was thinking the same thing with the whole Rose thing.

destruct068 7

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Sunday 1 June 2014 1:11

How do you know

ElmoSaysSquishy 28

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Sunday 1 June 2014 1:21

There's a female symbol beside OP's name.

mannatee 19

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Sunday 1 June 2014 2:01

It doesn't have to be the name. You can change it to literally anything you want. Ever wonder why it usually fits the FML so well? That's why

XPhoenixFire 17

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:15

Did you say yes? :D

Headcrab 29

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:16

Great timing.

cakefete2 30

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Sunday 1 June 2014 4:34

Yea, they already have the minister, the flowers, and the clothes.

TheDrifter 23

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:16

Was she wearing a wedding dress? Last chance to change your mind before she goes from stage 5 clinger to stalker.

XxD_reamZx 10

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:17

sounds like a splendid wedding

bettyboop428 24

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:18

Now that's true love. She's probably still not going to give up.

schhichick 14

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Sunday 1 June 2014 1:19

seems like the next plot to a Nicholas Sparks novel

Ibuki 15

Sunday 1 June 2014 2:00

Never going to give you up Why exactly did they think it was a good idea to propose at a wedding? Do people not think..?

Futacy 29

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Sunday 1 June 2014 3:37

Sounds more like an obsessive stalker.

1tsmenoah 20

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:18

I hope it didn't ruin the big day.

erenjaeger 16

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:19

Awwww, that's so sweet. What did you say? Don't leave us hanging!

gingaa96 18

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Saturday 31 May 2014 23:38

Yeah sure is sweet when your wedding is potentially ruined by a crazy ex.. Wish I had nice things like that happen in my life

KissMyAnthia200 12

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:19

Oh shit! Good luck with the decision OP!

MadLife136 3

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:19

Did anyone notice that OP is a girl? o_0 (look at the gender sign).

photogfrog 13

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:22

And....? Who gives a shit?

LuckBeNimble 19

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Saturday 31 May 2014 21:24

so? there are a lot of places around the world (UK included, which is where OP is from) where same-sex couples can wed without issue.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 27

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 146

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