Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML
Today, I attended a formal dinner with donors to my university. While looking at a much older lady's nametag to see who she was, I was publicly accused of looking at her breasts. Now a bunch of people I was supposed to impress think I'm a pervert. FML
Today, at a philanthropic event in some old money rich family's garden, I told my daughter she'd have to improve her table manners if she wanted to marry a nice man like that. I looked up and our host was standing right there, looking sternly in our direction. I smiled but he didn't smile back. FML
Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML
Today, I got an email from my university informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML
Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML
Today, my Mom was gushing to a relative about going to see a very famous singer with my sister while we were at dinner. I smiled politely, until the relative asked why I wasn’t going. I felt too embarrassed to admit I hadn’t been asked, despite having the money, so I awkwardly made something up. FML
Today, I went to a community center event to make friends in a new city. I introduced myself to someone who seemed cool, then realized they were the event organizer who thought I was a volunteer who hadn’t shown up for their shift. They politely asked me to help stack chairs. I spent the night stacking chairs instead of meeting people. Now I’m on the volunteer email list. FML
Today, I had lunch with some important potential clients at a fancy restaurant. I really wanted to make a good impression. When the piano music stopped, I started clapping while looking around for the pianist. Apparently, it was a CD. FML
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Top comments
lonelyfreak_fml 17
That's crazy talk...
icnburbbygrl 23
Ouch. Hopefully they weren't too mad
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Comments (67)
badluckalex 23
why the hell are you there in the first place then? you must be one of the crazy ones to think you can schmooze off of them. YDI
lysx84 24
I think you may be confusing "schmooze" with "mooch"
winchestinalock 21
that is actually a pretty good pun!
itsme82 18
That would be like going to a funeral and announcing "it's quiet as death in here."
RedPillSucks 33
Yeah, why's everyone so glum. Lets liven things up. PAAAAARRRRTTTEEEEEHHHH!
zandalee 20
So you think you're a pretty good schmoozer huh OP? I think this particular very important person you approached may disagree. Lol.
1dvs_bstd 41
Whenever you go to any place with a "fancy" tag, you should be careful how you speak.. you might rub those people with self entitlement the wrong way.. in your case you deserved it.
Ihavegas 22
I thought you would have said " poor choice of words"
AriaRose3 11
Aww, it's an honest mistake, hopefully you were able to make a better impression on the others
Curlytwirly22 17
Are you insane ? Why would you say something as crazy as that ?
JesustheJoker 10
I think we have an expression for what you did. FullPotato. I'm just joking, sorry to hear about the cockup :(
brandisierra 7
Ouch
WD_Stevens 22
Okay, I have to ask, what's a schmoozer...?
TabooSushi 24
Basically: A kiss-ass. Schmoozers make (typically inane/pointless) small talk with important people in order to gain an advantage for themselves somewhere along the way.
Joshwarrior 39
Thank you lol i just read that and thought of smooch and mooch and didn't know what it was either hmm I guess I wasn't to far off though haha