Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so...

By charitableidiot - 05/06/2014 22:23 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 563

You deserved it 43 055

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Same thing different taste

By ssondik - 22/06/2015 00:50 - United States - Hebron

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 096

You deserved it 5 176

By John - 01/04/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I attended a formal dinner with donors to my university. While looking at a much older lady's nametag to see who she was, I was publicly accused of looking at her breasts. Now a bunch of people I was supposed to impress think I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 053

You deserved it 649

Garden party

By Awkward is my name - 09/07/2023 12:00

Today, at a philanthropic event in some old money rich family's garden, I told my daughter she'd have to improve her table manners if she wanted to marry a nice man like that. I looked up and our host was standing right there, looking sternly in our direction. I smiled but he didn't smile back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 986

By NotRetarded - 11/04/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 119

You deserved it 3 864

Who the **** are you?

By silly_billy - 11/06/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 361

You deserved it 54 722

By bubblegummm13 - 27/09/2009 04:30 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 745

You deserved it 4 483

By apparently_disabled - 17/04/2015 06:24 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 127

You deserved it 2 927

I'm busy

By Anonymous - 08/03/2022 08:00 - Canada - Emsdale

Today, my Mom was gushing to a relative about going to see a very famous singer with my sister while we were at dinner. I smiled politely, until the relative asked why I wasn’t going. I felt too embarrassed to admit I hadn’t been asked, despite having the money, so I awkwardly made something up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 148

By E.S. - 23/10/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I had lunch with some important potential clients at a fancy restaurant. I really wanted to make a good impression. When the piano music stopped, I started clapping while looking around for the pianist. Apparently, it was a CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 178

You deserved it 40 970

Nice try

By damn... - 28/10/2008 08:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a job conference. At lunch, I saw this stunning guy. At dessert time, I coughed so much that the piece of chocolate cake in my mouth went straight onto his glasses. I think it's too late to introduce myself now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 796

You deserved it 6 269

lonelyfreak_fml 17

Friday 6 June 2014 8:59

That's crazy talk...

icnburbbygrl 23

Friday 6 June 2014 8:58

Ouch. Hopefully they weren't too mad

Comments

badluckalex 23

Friday 6 June 2014 9:14

why the hell are you there in the first place then? you must be one of the crazy ones to think you can schmooze off of them. YDI

lysx84 24

Friday 6 June 2014 10:01

I think you may be confusing "schmooze" with "mooch"

winchestinalock 21

Friday 6 June 2014 9:23

that is actually a pretty good pun!

itsme82 18

Friday 6 June 2014 9:28

That would be like going to a funeral and announcing "it's quiet as death in here."

RedPillSucks 31

Friday 6 June 2014 16:01

Yeah, why's everyone so glum. Lets liven things up. PAAAAARRRRTTTEEEEEHHHH!

zandalee 19

Friday 6 June 2014 9:28

So you think you're a pretty good schmoozer huh OP? I think this particular very important person you approached may disagree. Lol.

1dvs_bstd 41

Friday 6 June 2014 9:34

Whenever you go to any place with a "fancy" tag, you should be careful how you speak.. you might rub those people with self entitlement the wrong way.. in your case you deserved it.

Ihavegas 22

Friday 6 June 2014 19:39

I thought you would have said " poor choice of words"

AriaRose3 11

Friday 6 June 2014 9:37

Aww, it's an honest mistake, hopefully you were able to make a better impression on the others

Curlytwirly22 17

Friday 6 June 2014 10:16

Are you insane ? Why would you say something as crazy as that ?

JesustheJoker 10

Friday 6 June 2014 10:28

I think we have an expression for what you did. FullPotato. I'm just joking, sorry to hear about the cockup :(

brandisierra 7

Friday 6 June 2014 11:39

Ouch

WD_Stevens 22

Friday 6 June 2014 11:58

Okay, I have to ask, what's a schmoozer...?

TabooSushi 24

Friday 6 June 2014 12:38

Basically: A kiss-ass. Schmoozers make (typically inane/pointless) small talk with important people in order to gain an advantage for themselves somewhere along the way.