Health: Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 23:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 984

You deserved it 3 738

BO Central

Compromises

Love is hell

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 16:24 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 744

You deserved it 3 252

Gender bending

By Recluse - 21/11/2014 18:18

Today, the girl I'd been dating online for 6 months told me she was a guy. I said it was alright, and that I was still in love. Then she confessed she really was a girl, and was just trying to make me dump her so she wouldn't be the "bad guy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 566

You deserved it 7 561

By superstar - 30/03/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 163

You deserved it 90 947

By Joey - 06/02/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 607

You deserved it 2 459

By embarrassed - 01/06/2009 20:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me "when" so I replied "...towards the end". I didn't realize she was really asking what day this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 481

You deserved it 64 668

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 09:07 - United States - Atwater

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 169

You deserved it 2 239

First Dates

By Anonymous - 06/06/2014 22:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 228

You deserved it 10 102

By stinkerweeder - 05/02/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 724

You deserved it 3 014

By Aggie_De - 14/12/2013 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got the DVD back from a dance concert I did. After watching it, I realised that I had a camel toe through the whole thing. Three and a half hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 708

You deserved it 7 300

By midwify - 05/01/2015 17:58 - Denmark - Asaa

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 219

You deserved it 7 601

By QuicksilverMaximoff - 30/01/2011 14:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 823

You deserved it 3 101

By JackAttack - 20/01/2009 08:27 - United States

Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 346

You deserved it 5 996

By dumped - 01/07/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 472

You deserved it 4 688

By vw - 20/02/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 407

You deserved it 6 475

By storrent - 05/10/2016 16:18 - United States - Houston

Today, I discovered that my band section had misspelled my name as "Joke" on our section poster. On purpose. It's supposed to be Jake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 544

You deserved it 797

Almost there, we're almost there…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 08:02 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 88

By thebrokentardis - 22/09/2014 06:45 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 590

You deserved it 5 274

By Anonymous - 08/02/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 683

You deserved it 8 951

By me - 07/05/2012 20:38 - Canada - Orillia

Spicy

Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 151

You deserved it 12 075

By fishfloors - 21/04/2017 14:00

Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 293

You deserved it 861

By daremetobecooler - 08/04/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 818

You deserved it 3 384

By asdfghjkl - 10/02/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, after getting home from school, I realized I'd tucked my shirt into my underwear this morning. I'm fairly certain everyone got a good look at my lime green underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 743

You deserved it 26 055

By Anonymous - 21/04/2011 01:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 194

You deserved it 3 828

By prisonbitch - 18/02/2010 17:41 - United States

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 190

You deserved it 38 579

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 655

You deserved it 4 152

She's got it going on!

By Heartbroken - 08/08/2018 07:00 - United States

Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 355

You deserved it 209

By brooklyn0118 - 12/09/2018 15:00

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 536

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 034

You deserved it 3 334

By PuddlePirate - 07/09/2012 16:23 - United States - Mountain Iron

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 3 419

Sworn to secrecy

By TheEpicWario - 01/06/2021 14:02

Spicy

Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 117

By hudd357mag - 06/02/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 103

You deserved it 2 438

By shortyybrooke - 24/08/2017 04:30

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 186

You deserved it 396

By burntloyalty - 26/03/2011 20:54 - United States

Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 148

You deserved it 3 205

By mcpeepants - 08/01/2010 17:56 - United States

Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 2 677

By WHY - 01/04/2016 00:58 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 952

You deserved it 32 855

By Anonymous - 25/01/2013 20:13 - Canada - Quebec

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 508

You deserved it 4 241

By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 213

You deserved it 13 349

By GlowInTheDark - 09/12/2011 07:41 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 600

You deserved it 3 946

By atsukobo - 10/03/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 604

You deserved it 4 815

By poorcar - 05/10/2009 07:38 - United States

Today, my parents asked if they could borrow my car. Why? Because they were going to see someone about a Craig's List ad and wanted to look poor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 152

You deserved it 3 637

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Top comments

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:38

Why eat it in the first place if it was questionable?

Thatissarcastic 17

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:41

Gas station food. Not even once.

Comments

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:38

Why eat it in the first place if it was questionable?

sadistmonkey 19

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:41

Sometimes a food's questionability is exceeded by a person's hunger?

MrSassypants 32

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:46

I agree with #13 100%. Like for instance, when I eat Taco Bell. Is it good for me? No. Does it benefit me in any way? No. Am I going to regret it later? While eating it am I going to question my life choices? Yes. Am I still going to eat it? Of course, while drinking baja blast because hunger and thirst.

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:48

Maybe it was mysterious and seductive. it's all for the thrill.

Thatissarcastic 17

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:52

food poisoning sure is seductive and mysterious

GigaPudding_fml 24

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Sunday 25 October 2015 21:23

Well to be honest it does make you hot and you never really know when it's coming, which could be considered mysterious ;)

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Monday 26 October 2015 11:38

I am reading this from my very own throne or torture. Damn you left over spaghetti bolognese.

KelseyDaBoyz 21

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:38

I'm sorry OP :(

LilMissCanadian 22

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Sunday 25 October 2015 21:44

... are you actually?

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Monday 26 October 2015 0:18

How does this have negative votes

DogeDogeDoge 13

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Monday 26 October 2015 0:48

It's a pointless comment. Plus.. You really can't be sincerely sorry through the Internet.

KelseyDaBoyz 21

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Monday 26 October 2015 1:26

I am actually! Who would wish "that" upon anyone? C'mon now.

Dynosaur_dollie 38

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Monday 26 October 2015 1:32

Just because you didn't wish it on them doesn't mean you're sorry. I wouldn't wish such things on people but I'm certainly not "sorry" if it happens. It sucks, and while I can agree it's pretty crappy it's not the end of the world just a mild FML moment.

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Monday 26 October 2015 5:41

There's a button for that. It's called "I agree, your life sucks"

darksilence17 10

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:38

I'm the first commenter! Oh Yea and go buy more tolit paper

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:40

First commenter to look silly maybe

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:39

Maybe next time

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Monday 26 October 2015 3:04

But probably not.

FuckThisLogin 31

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:39

That's shitty :(

davidpropert 32

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:41

No

FuckThisLogin 31

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Sunday 25 October 2015 20:35

Sry

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Sunday 25 October 2015 22:55

You're a fucking idiot.

FuckThisLogin 31

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Monday 26 October 2015 1:32

Well that was a tad unnecessary...

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:40

Well that's shitty.

davidpropert 32

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:42

NOO

RickySleeves 20

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:45

Why do people keep trying this? It's never going to work!

fmlperson8264 16

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Sunday 25 October 2015 21:40

OMG JUST STOP IT WITH THE SHITTY PUNS!!!! THEY'RE NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:08

Lol

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Tuesday 27 October 2015 7:44

Were they ever funny?

Awesomeironman2 15

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Wednesday 23 March 2016 15:42

Nah, they've always been shitty.

IridianShadow 20

Sunday 25 October 2015 19:40

You sure are a dare devil, aren't you?

RickySleeves 20

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:41

Pork souvlaki is always worth it.

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Sunday 25 October 2015 20:01

I prefer beef & lamb souvlaki

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Sunday 25 October 2015 20:25

Out of all souvlaki, lamb is the best to me. I prefer gyros, though. I miss that Santorini air, and asking vendors, "ένας γύρος, παρακαλώ! (one gyros, please!)"

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:41

I hope you used febreeze in there

cole66 13

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Sunday 25 October 2015 20:08

is that your mini in your profile pic?

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Sunday 25 October 2015 20:41

Try private messaging, yo

cole66 13

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Sunday 25 October 2015 23:40

why does it matter? can a man not ask a question without getting beat to the ground?

Dynosaur_dollie 38

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Monday 26 October 2015 1:34

Yes you can ask a question without getting "beat to the ground", over private messaging. That's why it exists.

cole66 13

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Monday 26 October 2015 2:41

sorry for being a demon for waisting your eyes

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Tuesday 27 October 2015 7:46

^You need to find a new English teacher because they are not doing you justice.

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Sunday 25 October 2015 19:41

Mmmmmmmmmm souvlaki

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 75

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 143