Miscellaneous: Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test... - FML

By shuahwan - New Zealand

Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test twice. The first time, I chose answers at random without reading the questions. The second time, I took it for real. I got a higher score from the random selections than from my serious attempt. FML

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Inspirational tale

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

Hello, Goodbye

By Anonymous - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

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By whyme - United States - Crescent

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

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By Anonymous

How nice of them.

Today, I learned what my office nickname means. My nickname? Butterface. FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

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By H05T1L3 - United States

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

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By Walker Alldredge - 15/9/2020 00:02 - United States - Ogden

Out of it

Today, I was recently diagnosed with mononucleosis. This means that I'm really tired. I had been planning a trip with my sister and my cousin, but I didn’t wake up this morning at 7 because of the Mono, and they didn’t bother to wake me up. They went without me, to all my favorite places, leaving me at home with nothing to do. FML

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By filipinoclari808 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

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By iphonerevolution - South Africa

Today, my teenage daughter faked a suicide because I bought her a Samsung instead of an iPhone for her birthday. FML

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By rattrap - United States

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML

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By Diana

Today, I gave birth to my first son. He was 11 pounds and the labour lasted 22 hours. My husband was absent for 8 of those hours because he slipped when my water broke, cracked his head, and ended up in the ER next door. FML

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By ew - United States - Garland

Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML

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By Meghan - 5/9/2020 08:01 - United States - New York

Breaking

Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn't know I was adopted. FML

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By oops - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

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By TheCrossingChick - United States

Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

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By thatsucks - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

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By Rob - United States

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

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By lastinclass - Canada - Vancouver

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Midlothian

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

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By imanidiot - United States

Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through I hear a tap on my driver's window. Its a police officer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML

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By PrintMaster - United States

Today, as I was buying carrots, a little red light started flashing and an alarm sounded. Curious, I looked up, only to get sprayed in the face by a sprinkler for the produce section of the store. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

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By squeak - United Kingdom

Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML

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By Heinz - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

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By pignose

Nose job

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML

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By kjdhfakjs - United States

Woof woof

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

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By The greatest Illusion ever - United States

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

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By BirthdayBoy - United States

Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML

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By Carebeareatu

Keeping up appearances

Today, my friends gave me a complete makeover, which included clothes from their wardrobe, to prepare me for an upcoming job interview. I was then declined the position, because apparently, I "looked too wealthy" to need the job. FML

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By zitroskies - United States

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

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By anonymous - Austria

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend, who I've dated for 6 years, is getting engaged to my friend. The very same "friend" who's been encouraging me to break up with her for the past year. FML

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By anon - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

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By U_U - United States

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

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By dk14

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

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Top comments

By TeasinDaNoobs | 16

#6376447 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:15

Those online tests usually aren't too accurate, so don't dwell on it OP

By HerMischief | 21

#6376439 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:14

But the question is, what was your score?

COMMENTS

By whitnayfortooh | 29

#6376436 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:14

over thought it?

Reply

JMichael | 25

#6376441 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:15

I'm guessing this is exactly what happened

Reply

Winterborn253 | 7

#6376586 - Monday 10 August 2015 4:07

Many IQ tests take time into consideration. Quickly answering questions probably scored you quite a few points.

By HerMischief | 21

#6376439 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:14

But the question is, what was your score?

Reply

missambitious | 21

#6376632 - Monday 10 August 2015 5:03

Or 'what were their scores'?

Reply

trollcrusher | 17

#6376916 - Monday 10 August 2015 12:50

He probably scored about... Forrest Gump.

Reply

danimal_crackerz | 26

#6377100 - Monday 10 August 2015 19:43

Grammar nazi fail much?

By ontheFLY4 | 25

#6376440 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:15

I believe there are 2 lessons to be learned here.

By Steve95401 | 49

#6376446 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:15

It was purely chance that you scored better by picking answers randomly. What was your score when you took the test for real?

Reply

tylercarolinex | 21

#6376835 - Monday 10 August 2015 9:31

IQ tests also monitor how long it takes you. So if choosing answers at random made you a lot faster that's probably why your results came out like that

By TeasinDaNoobs | 16

#6376447 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:15

Those online tests usually aren't too accurate, so don't dwell on it OP

Reply

EsDeeCee | 12

#6376556 - Monday 10 August 2015 2:46

All these people trying to make OP feel better. Let's be honest they're just stupid

Reply

EsDeeCee | 12

#6376714 - Monday 10 August 2015 7:00

People disliking my comment cause they know I'm right lmao

By mattzawesome | 28

#6376450 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:17

The ones online aren't necessary very accurate. Also, depending on how you did the first one, your brain would unconsciously choose the answer you though was right.

By _taylorharper_ | 18

#6376453 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:18

Usually these tests are timed and they give you a better score if you took less time, you probably took less time to randomly choose the answers

By Fobster06 | 20

#6376455 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:19

A lot of those "tests" score you on how fast you finished the test.
Dang you #8. You beat me to it...

By WordBea | 23

#6376458 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:21

So? They were both fake

By AmyPond17 | 33

#6376460 - Monday 10 August 2015 0:24

What was the bet?