Today, I was shopping at Shoppers Drug Mart with my mom. As we pulled up to the cashier, I noticed it was a really hot girl from my school. Trying to be cool, I told my mom that I'll be paying for the purchases. My debit card was denied. My mom had to pay. FML

Flustered

Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

Memory loss

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML

Judgmental much!?

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML

Boozehound

Today, after being accepted into the college of my dreams, I found out that my mom has spent all my college savings on alcohol over the years, and she says that it's my fault for not "helping her get help." FML

Rip off

Today, I learned that my daughter pocketed the money I'd paid so she could go to college. FML

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML