Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I cycled to work. Since it was so hot out, I decided to go shirtless, then I would put it on before I entered the building. Ninety minutes later, I arrived at work. My shirt, however, was still at home on my dresser. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, I took a shower in a beach house we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML
Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML
Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML
Today, I got home so exhausted after working a 24-hour shift that I stripped naked before peeing into the toilet, but forgot to take off my boxers first, so I was peeing into my boxers, and didn’t notice until I felt the heat running down my thighs onto the floor. FML
Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, I took my clothes off for a shower at an RV campsite. I started running the water when I noticed there was a pack of hornets in the bathroom. I stood there, stark naked, waiting for a chance to get out, for four hours. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Tripartita 45
"Today, I caught my roommate jerking off. He tried to deny it despite having masturbated furiously enough to cause intercrural chaffing. Then he muttered something about my mom and dairy. FML"
bheaze 20
Never heard of a cold shower? Sounds like a better option to me when you're in a possibly communal room. But hey, to each there own I guess..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (18)
mackdeezy 22
I see your username but if your roommate saw it, im sure he'd insist you really milked yourself.
bheaze 20
Never heard of a cold shower? Sounds like a better option to me when you're in a possibly communal room. But hey, to each there own I guess..
Tripartita 45
"Today, I caught my roommate jerking off. He tried to deny it despite having masturbated furiously enough to cause intercrural chaffing. Then he muttered something about my mom and dairy. FML"
fushengyuan 20
You can counter-prove him if u show him it :)
krazy789 28
well you could've atleast had some underwear on
andrmac 25
You need better riding clothes.
MikeyScene420 17
So what if you were? Last I checked it was legal. If he has a problem he's a hippocrate.
soulreaper12296 28
Ya it's ok, but if you're sharing a hotel room with someone you should do it in the bathroom and not out in the actual room where they can just walk in on you. And it doesn't matter if they hadn't been there for a couple days; they could come back at anytime, such as in OP's case.
pjsr 33
Uhmmm, if you were soft it seems your denial would be easy to believe. Otherwise, it would be a pretty hard sell.
mrbman 3
14 miles in chiraq? you're lucky you didn't get killed.
SixthSinEnvy 39
You realize that it's a small section of the city that's disgraced us with that "title"? Most of it is gorgeous, neighborly and kick-ass. Don't talk crap if you've never been here.
Beepee04 10
Ydi because that was stupid on your part. Why would you stay naked knowing that people could come at any time. Had this been your own personal hotel room then it'd be a different story.