Today, I accepted an internship in Chicago and finished my final... - FML

By FourKnees - 15/5/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I accepted an internship in Chicago and finished my final exams. I decided to play some pick up basketball one last time before summer. Within 2 minutes I got undercut going for a rebound and shattered my knee cap into 3 pieces. My summer in Chicago will be spent in a full leg cast. FML

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Time don't heal nothing

Caught red-handed

Incognito browsing

By ifpigsflew - 4/10/2010 23:31 - New Zealand

Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 14:00

Spreading it around

Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2019 16:00

Today, I moved back into my room, which I'd sublet for a few months. The subtenant never paid any rent and is gone, but she did leave me something: my own underwear on the floor, which she apparently liked to wear, but didn't seem to like to wash. FML

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By babyscarface - 12/6/2016 15:48 - United States - Orange

Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

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By mandythepandy - 4/3/2017 04:00

Noise annoys

Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML

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By Annoymous - 3/9/2009 10:19 - Australia

Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML

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By cass - 10/5/2016 18:37 - United States

Today, is my high school graduation. Last night I read online that you can use apple cider vinegar to help with head dandruff, so I tried it out. Now, no matter how much product or perfume I use, I still smell like a giant walking fart. My graduation is in a couple of hours. FML

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By RektForLyfe - 25/7/2016 03:32 - United States - Wickliffe

Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML

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By kaitlynn - 1/2/2010 20:56 - France

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

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By DangerZone - 12/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2012 22:44 - United States

Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML

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By In Pain - 11/1/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I had gum surgery. I can't laugh. I can't smile. I can't talk. I can't eat. All I can do is wait for the pain medication to kick in. FML

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By browngirl - 29/9/2013 04:16 - Canada - Vernon

Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML

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By theassman - 11/3/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

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By noname - 13/12/2008 05:48 - France

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

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By SplitMind95 - 19/8/2016 03:20 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I was on Tinder and only one girl matched with me. She gave me a "Super-Like" so I thought she must want to get to know each other and see what happens. Nope. She recognized me as the guy who adopted the stray cat she was taking care of last year, and just wanted to know how he was doing. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2013 17:11 - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

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By Annette - 22/9/2012 16:17 - United States - Seattle

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

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By AlonsoKold - 7/4/2014 23:39 - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML

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By JacktheRussian - 8/4/2013 00:33 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

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By Dudeman5000 - 21/1/2009 06:59 - France

Today, I get home and there's a package waiting for me. I ordered something online 2 weeks ago for a girl I like. She's not available anymore. No refunds. FML

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By Rakib - 31/8/2015 17:17 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

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By jazthefish - 12/7/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

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By bloodyhell - 15/3/2020 15:05 - United States

Good God, man…

Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML

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By sendhelp - 30/4/2017 16:00

Today, my mom asked me to take my dad's mail to him. The "mail" was divorce papers. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2020 20:00

News to me

Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2009 14:09 - Hong Kong

Today, my mum and I were walking down a road where we met an old neighbour who recently got divorced. Her son who we hadn't seen for about 10 years was with her and he looked very handsome. I said, "oh wow ! your son has grown up so much !" The woman replied, "this is my boyfriend." FML

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By cookscatastrophy - 8/12/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2012 12:04 - United States

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

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By Felicityfrank - 1/5/2014 14:17 - Australia - Glen Iris

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

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By quadropheniac - 9/6/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

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By Anonymouse - 2/7/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 01:59 - Canada

Today, I found out why my wife insisted on naming our first child "George" if it was a boy. It was her first love's name. FML

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By Confused lesbian - 16/7/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

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By Rae - 4/5/2012 21:09 - United States - Chicago

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

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By chamberpottime - 16/12/2015 08:58 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

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By anonymous - 28/11/2013 11:41 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, I found out that since there are 3 people with the same name as me at work, I'm known as "the ugly one". FML

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Top comments

By ifyouonlyknew77 | 0

#201554 - Friday 15 May 2009 17:00

That does suck and like some have already said, Chicago DOES get really hot in the summer, but it is also really FUN in the summer. Chicago is just about my favorite city in the world and there's tons to do for cheap/free in the summer. Kind of sucks to have to be in a cast, but still try to get out and enjoy it.

By rukusrazor | 0

#201356 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:03

Oh man, you're gonna miss the Taste of Chicago. I go every year. Get myself some Chicago style hot dogs, take the ferry ride and see the concerts.

#7 - YES, also #11 - agreed.

Comments

By grazynaanka | 0

#201084 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:12

Oh that sucks. Chicago gets really hot in the summer time. Have fun with that.

Reply

packersarebeast | 0

#976277 - Thursday 8 April 2010 9:23

Chicago sucks

Reply

Complaining | 13

#2747222 - Friday 24 June 2011 8:13

35 - Don't tell me this has to do with the Pakcers.

Reply

sulitak | 26

#5432833 - Wednesday 3 April 2013 8:29

packers are beast... hmmm I wonder why you'd think chicago sucks.

By 24788 | 6

#201132 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:48

That sucks, the one time you don't have to sit around and focus on school.

By Pepperolls | 0

#201148 - Friday 15 May 2009 13:00

Boring post. Geez, they're probably getting less popular and more desperate.

By Julle_fml | 0

#201163 - Friday 15 May 2009 13:13

Arh fuck! That sounds painful!

By wtfuckery | 0

#201264 - Friday 15 May 2009 14:50

Damn, who the hell do you play basketball with? lol that sucks though!

By Brittanyy | 0

#201267 - Friday 15 May 2009 14:52

Ouchhh. :x

By ravinderkaler | 0

#201283 - Friday 15 May 2009 15:07

I don't get it ... is Chicago supposed to be a cool place or something?

Reply

SixthSinEnvy | 39

#6539689 - Thursday 18 February 2016 3:29

Reply

SixthSinEnvy | 39

#6539690 - Thursday 18 February 2016 3:31

Yes

By BaldOuting | 0

#201294 - Friday 15 May 2009 15:18

ouch sounds so painful. at least you still have the internship and chicago. things could be worse.

By Blithe_626 | 0

#201303 - Friday 15 May 2009 15:24

lucky u

By I2OI3 | 0

#201313 - Friday 15 May 2009 15:32

Maybe I'm just not on my game this morning but I can't spin this one. Hopefully you'll be able to play basketball again, and it sounds like you'll still be able to walk, so look on the bright side buddy!