Love: Hello?

Hello?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 05:35

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 488

You deserved it 4 155

Love

The smell detective is on the case

Freud intensifies

Best Baby Names of 2021

By daddy-to-be - 20/03/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 964

You deserved it 17 269

By Anonymous - 03/03/2016 22:36 - United States - Hampton

Today, I had to attend a meeting with my parents, my teacher, and my bully and his parents. When we started, my bully "broke down" and "tearfully" told the teacher that I was the one bullying him, and that he was getting blamed to cover it all up. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 705

You deserved it 1 388

Ouch.

By Jen1444 - 26/02/2018 13:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 677

You deserved it 949

Please leave

By Anonymous - 10/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went on my first date in over a year, and my best friend popped up at the restaurant uninvited. To make it worse, she pulled up a chair right in between us and started an argument with the bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 151

Smells like teen spirit of America

By Clogged Nose - 19/03/2020 02:32

Today, I had to train a new guy whose body odor was killing me. After he'd left, I had to run two industry size fans to blow the stench out of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 120

By mylifereallysuks - 08/11/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 831

You deserved it 61 986

Playing the long game

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 11:01 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, after 9 years of loveless marriage, my wife confided in me that she was always an introvert and depressed person, but pretended to be outgoing and fun loving with me up until our marriage, so she could marry me just to lift herself up from low class to high class society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 110

By Malíya - 04/05/2015 21:02 - United States - Perth Amboy

Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 286

You deserved it 2 247

Good impressions last

By icarlypoop - 11/04/2020 23:00

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 435

By Anonymous - 07/12/2014 00:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She was so excited that she had a severe asthma attack and ended up in hospital. Her answer was yes, but her parents won't let me anywhere near her now. They say I'm lucky they haven't sued me for "trying to kill her". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 975

You deserved it 2 824

Happens at all ages

By Lunar-Spice - 07/11/2020 23:02

Today, my roommate had to ask to check if I was drinking water instead of alcohol. Twice. Then she 'suggested' that I 'might' be an alcoholic. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 224

By great - 20/07/2012 10:20 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 462

You deserved it 31 217

By Anonymous - 01/01/2012 07:34 - United States

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 091

You deserved it 3 845

By beetregeneration - 16/11/2016 23:47 - United States - Stockton

Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 414

You deserved it 1 633

Craft beer bores

By Sticky - 08/11/2020 17:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, just before bed, I decided to put away the dry washing. I ended up knocking over my boyfriend's precious brewing ginger beer. It took me an hour to clean it off the floor, cupboards, door, outside and inside of the fridge. Everything is still sticky and smells of yeast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 348

By Wtf - 10/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Peoria

Today, I was asked to babysit for a family that attends the daycare I work at. All of my coworkers warned me that they were rough kids but I shrugged it off. As soon as the parents left, the 7-year-old girl said, "Oh good now I can focus on death and my plans". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 906

You deserved it 802

By terpity12 - 07/08/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 336

You deserved it 24 316

By BagBoy - 13/11/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 739

You deserved it 3 023

By Anonymous - 26/05/2019 17:15

Today, I got a call from my 14-year-old step-daughter while I was out. She'd left nail polish in her pocket when she'd tried to wash the clothes. I now have hot pink streaks on most of my work clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 112

How I met your step-father

By ConfusedAsf - 26/07/2021 08:03

Today, my boyfriend, and father of my son, announced that he’s leaving me for my best friend. His reasoning is that he feels bad that she’s a single mom. When I pointed out that by him leaving me, I’ll also be a single mom, he responded with, "But at least she has her pre-pregnancy body back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 09/06/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 564

You deserved it 10 312

By fml - 02/02/2011 09:48

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 961

You deserved it 6 100

By f.m. - 23/07/2018 16:00

Today, I took my driving test. I was nervous, but I thought I followed the rules of the road pretty well. My tester ended up failing me for "backing out too slowly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 190

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 22/05/2013 17:10 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 911

You deserved it 5 124

By ex-employee - 02/04/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 066

You deserved it 69 098

By Nicked - 25/04/2009 11:50 - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 948

You deserved it 15 772

By jodafish - 08/11/2011 05:45 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 516

You deserved it 2 687

No thanks, Karen

By artdegreemyass - 21/07/2012 21:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 3 107

By Anonymous - 21/03/2011 18:36 - United States

Today, I am taking a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 384

You deserved it 3 223

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 01:07 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 291

You deserved it 2 769

I hate the be the bearer of bad news…

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 23:01

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 74

Modern romance...

By Anonymous - 29/11/2017 15:31

Today, I sent a great-quality booty pic to two of my love interests. Instead of sending it individually, I accidentally made a group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 8 586

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 488

You deserved it 3 949

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Shingle Springs

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 108

Admit it

By aces10 - 25/01/2009 13:52 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about my younger brother getting his girlfriend pregnant. She asked me how old I was when I first had sex. I'm a 21 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 169

You deserved it 5 580

That's a mother

By Anonymous - 23/02/2020 20:00

Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 497

You deserved it 302

By secret - 02/11/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 651

You deserved it 5 407

By Anonymous - 25/09/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 130

You deserved it 7 041

Can't escape the QAnon Flavor Aid

By Can't move out - 25/06/2021 18:01

Today, I found out my parents truly believe that Donald Trump will return to power in August. They also believed it was going to happen in March. It's like living in a death cult. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 248

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 25/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years only got divorced last year. I never even knew he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 794

You deserved it 259

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Top comments

eksyneet 23

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:27

why would you even want to talk to anyone after a 16-hour work day...

mellajella 14

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Thursday 19 March 2015 15:08

Obviously to complain about the 16 hour work day.

Acerhawk 24

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:27

YDI for my paying attention, sorry OP maybe next time he will be more considerate.

DarkPandaXD 13

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Thursday 19 March 2015 14:01

Um...what?

Cass_x 22

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Thursday 19 March 2015 14:16

I really don't get this? xd

Shadowvoid 33

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Thursday 19 March 2015 15:59

Maybe we need to try that again, may I suggest a class on reading comprehension.

Acerhawk 24

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Thursday 19 March 2015 20:53

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Z3R0G5 23

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Thursday 19 March 2015 20:53

Translation: You deserved it for not paying attention to your husband wearing his headset. Sorry though, OP, maybe next time he will be more considerate.

SeanLewis 17

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Friday 20 March 2015 8:21

idiot

eksyneet 23

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:27

why would you even want to talk to anyone after a 16-hour work day...

mellajella 14

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Thursday 19 March 2015 15:08

Obviously to complain about the 16 hour work day.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

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Friday 20 March 2015 10:29

What? Being tired doesn't mean that you don't want to talk, especially to the person sharing your life. I'd probably be in need of some non-work related company after a 16 hour shift. I'm surprised this comment got so many thumbs up...

eksyneet 23

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Saturday 21 March 2015 11:59

#73, honestly, if anyone tried to force their company on me after a 16-hour work day, i'd probably kill them. so i truly do not understand how the OP was capable of talking for 10 whole minutes. i'd be done in 10 seconds - "hi, i'm home, i'm gonna eat and go to bed, hope you had a nice day".

fluffleupigans 14

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:27

My brother and I in a nutshell

Theglc20 27

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:29

You should have helped him pwn those 10 yr old noobs

Tthug 34

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Thursday 19 March 2015 13:04

They're 8 year olds now. So a kid told us when my buddy said he sounded too young to be playing advanced warfare. But at least he wasn't saying "fuck" every single sentence like some kids.

MrConcise 34

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Thursday 19 March 2015 20:05

What? I guess I missed when it stopped being 12-year-olds, let alone 10-year-olds.

dreamful_artist 14

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:30

How rude.

Earl_KarmasBitch 29

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Friday 20 March 2015 7:54

If she managed to talk at him for 10 minutes and failed to notice he wasn't speaking to her, I don't think it's her husband who was the worse of the two.

VoldooPed 20

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:30

He probably didn't know you were there. I'm sure, and hope, he didn't mean to ignore you.

Polynomial 28

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:39

How do I thumb up on the mobile site? If I can't then "Seconded."

Wutdafuqq 24

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Thursday 19 March 2015 15:00

Wow you guys, he asks an honest question and you downvote him. If you tap the comment you want to upvote, it will show options to upvote, downvote, reply and report it.

Polynomial 28

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Thursday 19 March 2015 20:08

@29 & 33. Thanks guys.

sureshadow 23

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Friday 20 March 2015 5:01

I use the app. sometimes on my computer the site, but on my phone the app is easier to use.

danthehuman 29

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:37

Response: sleep. That's the first thing you need. But I agree, he should have at least said welcome back or hi.

siggy_mcsigx 22

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:39

Did he at least have dinner ready for you

Brandi_Faith 33

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Thursday 19 March 2015 18:03

Um, I'm thinking no. If he couldn't even talk to her after her hard day, I highly doubt he had dinner ready for her. Sorry op, I hope he didn't realize you were home and therefore didn't mean to ignore you. If he did mean to ignore you, then it's time to sit down and have a serious conversation with him!

christian_slate 15

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Thursday 19 March 2015 12:51

Maybe he was talking with someone about how his wife works too much. Seriously, though, did you make yourself seen or nudge him? He could have been distracted.