Intimacy: Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting...

By MATTY2512 - 13/07/2016 18:13 - Canada - Marshall

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 816

You deserved it 2 477

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 04/08/2015 20:56 - United States - Ballwin

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 2 057

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 264

You deserved it 3 323

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 418

You deserved it 3 275

By MereLewis95 - 26/10/2011 08:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 457

You deserved it 4 533

By Numbnuts - 08/03/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 353

You deserved it 38 560

In the mood

By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 809

You deserved it 18 372

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 717

You deserved it 2 759

By feartheend511 - 19/08/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 160

You deserved it 3 658

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 120

You deserved it 6 917

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 23:13 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 252

You deserved it 2 132

Dave_Davington 33

Thursday 14 July 2016 8:42

Well, you heard her. Stop pinching her nipple right now.

MDoremis 38

Thursday 14 July 2016 8:46

To be fair, that can get annoying and painful after a while. Particularly if it's at random and unwanted.

Comments

Dave_Davington 33

Thursday 14 July 2016 8:42

Well, you heard her. Stop pinching her nipple right now.

MDoremis 38

Thursday 14 July 2016 8:46

To be fair, that can get annoying and painful after a while. Particularly if it's at random and unwanted.

kl0x 8

Thursday 14 July 2016 8:48

That sounds like that wasn't the first time.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Thursday 14 July 2016 9:03

Plot twist: Mother was alone in the shower.

LyricaSilvan 29

Thursday 14 July 2016 12:47

Alternate plot twist: it was an earwig.

HieronymusBoche 13

Thursday 14 July 2016 12:52

double plot twist : mother wasn't alone in the shower...

delichick 27

Thursday 14 July 2016 13:20

ThrottleJockey 35

Thursday 14 July 2016 20:04

Triple plot twist; it wasn't OP's mother at all.

freddygasman 18

Thursday 14 July 2016 20:30

quad plot twist: it was another woman in the shower with op's mom

thatoneguy255 9

Thursday 14 July 2016 21:26

M. Night Shyamalan twist. The mother was actually deceased and OP doesn't even own a shower.

PePziNL 20

Friday 15 July 2016 2:11

Michael Bay twist: the shower exploded.

brenton490 19

Thursday 14 July 2016 9:15

Wow this also sounds like a scene straight out of a porno. People and their homemade porno these days.

Lalala579121 27

Thursday 14 July 2016 12:55

What the hell kind of **** do you watch?

dontknow1 19

Thursday 14 July 2016 14:51

You should stop watching ****, it's affecting your perception.

Theguyinthedark 11

Thursday 14 July 2016 9:51

Who was the pincher?

trucker2 33

Thursday 14 July 2016 14:58

So yell back, Do you need a band-Aid

cornyrob 33

Thursday 14 July 2016 15:26

At least she didn't yell, "Pinch my nipple! hard!"

DrChrisOfWumbo 12

Thursday 14 July 2016 16:03

And then you turned around and walked out right?

niftyismybitch 21

Thursday 14 July 2016 16:32

Gotta have a safe word...or sentence.

Keywords

Friends Love Awkward Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management Poopoo peepee Coworkers Frustration Capitalism Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, my son is so naive that he didn’t notice that a company he interviewed for basically used him as free labour during a 3 day “skills assessment period”, after which he didn’t even get the job. Even after I explained to him they'd used him for 3 days free grunt work, he still didn’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 105

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 299

You deserved it 14 749

The Top

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 740

You deserved it 3 274

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 337

You deserved it 3 256

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 192

You deserved it 3 588

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 033

You deserved it 3 925

Today, my dentist told me I had a good tongue. That's the best compliment I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 352

You deserved it 231

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 204

You deserved it 322

Same thing different taste

In the mood

Top comments

Comments