Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML
Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, at our usual family gathering, Big Grandpa, the family patriarch, said with his loud super authoritative voice, "Hey! Where is granddaughter?" I responded, "Here, Grandpa!" He then disgruntledly yelled, "NO! I meant my PRETTY granddaughter!" FML
Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say hi to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML
Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, against my wishes, my wife insisted we let my horrible mother meet her first grandson. This is a woman who refuses to learn basic English, but for the sake of insulting my wife who doesn’t speak Chinese, she still managed to say in English, “Baby so ugly, you do better with next one.” FML
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Top comments
kotton720 0
wow hardly anyone can speak chinese fluently nowadays.
amelinat 0
You know it sounds like Mr. Black man was more annoyed by the fact that granma specifically mentioned that he was black. My grandma doesnt speak English either and she would have said the exact same thing. Has anyone seen that "Professor Badass" picture that floats around the net? Thats the picture I have in my mind for this guy.
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Comments (187)
michellaneous 0
hahahaha oh asians. almost always insulting and talking smack about others in their own language. i do it. :] well, i talk about what i'd do to them if they're smexy ;D
Riceman80 0
#82 I'm a... uh.. reporter, collecting stories of that general nature, so I have a professional 9and in no way personal) interest in this practice I'm going to have to ask you what you would do to me, working under the assumption that I am an attractive male, and I will also have to ask that you respond in your native language ;) Nah, I'm joking. That's the worst way of releasing sexual tension I've ever heard of! Men have a hard enough time figuring out the ladies in our own langauge, let alone a new one :P
TwistOfHeartx3 0
Wow. Maybe your grandma shouldn't be so rude. Problem solved
getem 0
another reason why you don't talk shit in other languages...
member0987654321 0
omg that's sick! i love when that type of stuff happens! like when i go to seven eleven and hispanic men are talking about me and my friend and they don't realize we speak spanish and we say things back to them. they're shocked.
elanajoy 0
oh man, sorry but your grandma totally deserved that!
wushuazn 0
hahahahahaha that's perfect!!! i'm chinese and my best friend is black and he speaks fluent chinese too! my parents did the exact same thing first time they met him
michellaneous 0
oh btw, this happened to me too. I visited vietnam like 3 years ago and since i was american (and hella looked like it too) some of my relatives would complain to each otehr about how "white-washed" and american i looked in vietnamese. and then i spoke in perfect, fluent vietnamese to my parents and they had blank stares. just cause i'm american don't mean i don't know my own culture. but it was fun to look at their faces. hahaha oh and 83, my native language is english.
lyssalicious 0
hahahahahah this is amazing
opheliaa 0
great story! not a FML though... FML by association, or for your grandma... but still awesome :)