Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML
Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, at our usual family gathering, Big Grandpa, the family patriarch, said with his loud super authoritative voice, "Hey! Where is granddaughter?" I responded, "Here, Grandpa!" He then disgruntledly yelled, "NO! I meant my PRETTY granddaughter!" FML
Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say hi to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML
Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, against my wishes, my wife insisted we let my horrible mother meet her first grandson. This is a woman who refuses to learn basic English, but for the sake of insulting my wife who doesn’t speak Chinese, she still managed to say in English, “Baby so ugly, you do better with next one.” FML
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Top comments
kotton720 0
wow hardly anyone can speak chinese fluently nowadays.
amelinat 0
You know it sounds like Mr. Black man was more annoyed by the fact that granma specifically mentioned that he was black. My grandma doesnt speak English either and she would have said the exact same thing. Has anyone seen that "Professor Badass" picture that floats around the net? Thats the picture I have in my mind for this guy.
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Comments (187)
Seegtease 0
#35, you don't know she was assuming he didn't understand. IT'S HER ONLY LANGUAGE. She may just have well said it in English if she knew how. I'd have said it in English, too.
shabaloo 0
haha that's what your grandma gets lol. i think that's kind of funny. your life isn't ****** at all.
ughfthis 0
#47 - "Chinese people are pretty racist. It's fact." That right there was a rude generalization about a race. Talk about hypocrisy.
deliciouskaek 1
You didn't deserve it, but your grandmother sure did.
orchid347 0
Oh man... I'm always cautious about saying things even in Chinese cuz now people can learn it in school...
Mustloveinsanity 0
Lmao! I love this one!
nobody_special 0
Lol. YEAH, go black dude! :D Embarrassing for you, but humiliating for your grandma
ham46 0
On the contrary, Chinese is the new foreign language to take; I know Blacks, Hispanics, Whites, Indians and Koreans who are learning Chinese in college. And they speak and write Chinese very well. No lie. Also, it's perfectly acceptable to refer to the language as "Chinese" rather than "Mandarin." Technically, Mandarin is the "dialect" that 70% of Chinese people speak, and then there are other dialects like Cantonese that the rest of the population can speak.
thisismyname_fml 1
Good point 58, I didn't read it in that context. The whole part about English not being his/her first language made it seem to me like it was a grammar critique and not a fact accuracy critique.
designtek 0
haha I've heard of a similar story at a grocery store a black guy infront of these Vietnamese ladies was in line. The two old ladies were saying in Vietnamese "be careful of the black guy in front of you he might take your jewelery". The black guy turns around and speaks in fluent vietnamese "don't worry I won't take anything"