Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML
Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, at our usual family gathering, Big Grandpa, the family patriarch, said with his loud super authoritative voice, "Hey! Where is granddaughter?" I responded, "Here, Grandpa!" He then disgruntledly yelled, "NO! I meant my PRETTY granddaughter!" FML
Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say hi to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML
Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, against my wishes, my wife insisted we let my horrible mother meet her first grandson. This is a woman who refuses to learn basic English, but for the sake of insulting my wife who doesn’t speak Chinese, she still managed to say in English, “Baby so ugly, you do better with next one.” FML
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Top comments
kotton720 0
wow hardly anyone can speak chinese fluently nowadays.
amelinat 0
You know it sounds like Mr. Black man was more annoyed by the fact that granma specifically mentioned that he was black. My grandma doesnt speak English either and she would have said the exact same thing. Has anyone seen that "Professor Badass" picture that floats around the net? Thats the picture I have in my mind for this guy.
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Comments (187)
louyfi85 0
LOL this chinese black man is epic :)
kristineneer 0
Your grandma deserved that one.
Bry_fml 0
Whoa. What did your grandma say?
123_GO 0
I haven't seen anyone say it, so I'll be the first to bring it up. I'm basing my assumption on what I know from my family and my knowledge of the language and culture. Those who keep saying that the problem isn't the fact that she called him a black man: It was most likely the word she used to call him a black man. Chinese people have a word for it. And trust me. It doesn't translate literally to "black person". Other than that, but if I heard someone speaking about me in a different language that I could understand, I would turn around and ask the same thing too.
Staal_Baby 0
I know how you feel, I was with my mom, we were some where eating anyways she speaks Mi'kmaq and english so when she doesnt want other people hear what she is saying she speaks Mi'kmaq anyways we were talking about this guy sitting next to us, we were saying stuff like he has a nice ass and everything like little did we both knew, He heard every word we said, he smiled and asked for my number
asar 0
If he wasn't mad (and who can be with little old grandmothers), this is just another "oh how cute grandma is" story. I have many of them, it's part of the life of spending time with grandmothers.
MiDdNiGhtPyRo 0
So..how did your grandmother respond to the black guy?
becauseisaidso 0
How's this FML?
shadowboxer 0
That is something that really bothers me... when people speak in another language assuming no one will be able to understand based on their race. That's silly. It's the goddamn 21st century, black people speak Chinese too. I am white and fluent in Korean. I was getting my nails done. The 5 women around the area I was in spent the entire time talking about how pale I am and criticizing my style and the color I had chosen, mocking me and basically summing me up to be some kind of vampire or something. They seemed surprised when I didn't tip them, until I confidently said in Korean (the language they'd been speaking) that I am glad I am not as ignorant as they are, because I may have actually tipped them for making fun of me for the past 45 minutes.
summersong89 0
LOLOL. i agree #2 and #100, that's awesome. good for you.