Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML
Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, at our usual family gathering, Big Grandpa, the family patriarch, said with his loud super authoritative voice, "Hey! Where is granddaughter?" I responded, "Here, Grandpa!" He then disgruntledly yelled, "NO! I meant my PRETTY granddaughter!" FML
Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say hi to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML
Today, none of us had any idea that our grandfather was a huge racist until I brought my new girlfriend over to a family gathering, and he started yelling because she's Indian, some of the most disgusting racial slurs I’ve ever heard. We left when it looked like he might actually hit her. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, against my wishes, my wife insisted we let my horrible mother meet her first grandson. This is a woman who refuses to learn basic English, but for the sake of insulting my wife who doesn’t speak Chinese, she still managed to say in English, “Baby so ugly, you do better with next one.” FML
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Top comments
kotton720 0
wow hardly anyone can speak chinese fluently nowadays.
amelinat 0
You know it sounds like Mr. Black man was more annoyed by the fact that granma specifically mentioned that he was black. My grandma doesnt speak English either and she would have said the exact same thing. Has anyone seen that "Professor Badass" picture that floats around the net? Thats the picture I have in my mind for this guy.
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Comments (187)
Yayap_fml 0
hahahaha. I'm gonna be blunt, I love stories like this. Happens sometimes with my Spanish teacher who isn't Hispanic. Students insult her and she just turns around and says ¿Cómo? and they get the funniest expressions on their faces
Ineffableturtle 0
dude Chinese is not even a language, its mandarin or Cantonese, get you shit straight! you must be pretty Americanized not to know this, and im not even Chinese
Miru_fml 0
HAHAHAHA me and my family speak about people around us in Chinese (Shanghai dialect to be exact) too!!! It's really fun and it's a nice advantage over people who don't understand. But I think usually we say those things out of ear range of the person being talked about.
lordofperc 0
That is epic. I love that.
CowGoesMoo 0
This is awesome, and your grandma kinda deserved it. Oh well, my grandparents do that too. And, 53, us actual chinese people say chinese all the time. Thanks for, uh, looking out for us though.
Flora_fml 6
That is awesome!!!! This totally made my day.
ohmygolly 0
#25, #28 It seems pretty obvious that #22 changed the meaning of #4s statement intentionally. They were making the point that #4s comment was wrong considering that Chinese (Mandarin) is the most widely spoken language in the world. Still: epic fail on #22 for using text speak while attacking someone else for their English skills.
foryoublue94 0
I love this... maybe only because I take Chinese But nonetheless, I love it!!
c8oakes 0
ha ha sorry but your Grandma got served!
Talkative1 0
Ahahahahaha