Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against... - FML

By tara22 - 27/4/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

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Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Live dumping

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 1/6/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage." FML

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By peepeepants - 18/8/2009 12:35 - Canada

Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML

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By Kyra.45 - 3/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

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By BadLuckLad - 22/10/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Parkesburg

For real though?

Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML

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By getoffthephone - 30/3/2015 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions to my destination, in case I had already missed the bus. I was so absorbed in my search that I missed the bus. FML

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By jerdub93 - 19/11/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

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By toobad - 29/11/2011 19:29 - Canada

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

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By weddinggirl - 27/8/2010 09:57 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

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By ch,nlv - 14/5/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I did artificial insemination. At the hospital, they mixed up the sperm and didn't realize until it was too late. I'm now pregnant with a stranger's baby. FML

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By LarissaT18 - 2/2/2014 16:13 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

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By Lexi - 31/10/2009 20:15 - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

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By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2014 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2010 08:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2015 07:30 - Canada - Delta

Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML

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By hdkgdkvdjd - 30/12/2011 04:56 - United States

Today, I bought cupcakes from a bakery by my work. I took them home, at which point my mother screamed at me because she's on a diet. Hours later I found the whole box empty. Great self-control, mom. FML

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By mylifeisfcked - 25/2/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I sent out a note to 300 friends saying that I'm having a birthday party in a couple weeks. I asked to please write back if they are interested in going . . . two people answered...They said they can't make it. FML

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By Fuck's sake! - 25/4/2016 01:34 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2013 17:12 - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2013 01:46 - United States - Blythe

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

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By Mrs. Ned - 9/9/2015 02:00 - United States - Incline Village

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

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By SamAaron502 - 29/10/2015 10:16 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I woke up at 3a.m. to get ready for a "fun work retreat". After driving 2 hours to the site, I find that nobody is there. After about half an hour standing there freezing, I get an email from my boss, telling me that "It's canceled due to bad weather". FML

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By Darkness162000 - 8/1/2010 00:21 - France

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

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By GOAWAY - 26/12/2014 23:06 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

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By scarredforlife - 12/2/2016 09:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

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By GLX - 2/8/2017 06:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, I woke up to the rickety old ceiling fan above my bed crashing down on top of me. I'm fine, however I am now grounded until I can buy a new ceiling fan to replace the one I "broke". FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I used the bathroom on a bus from New York to Boston, and carefully covered the seat with twenty of the single-square toilet paper rations. As I was peeing, the bus flew over a bump and swerved sharply, and my entire naked bottom was splashed with urine and poop. It wasn't my own. FML

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By madgf - 30/1/2010 20:55 - France

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML

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By Devil - 11/12/2012 06:07 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

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By Pita - 4/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2016 17:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend crashed our car into the car ahead. He was trying to pull away from the traffic lights faster than the person next to us, a ten-year-old kid on a bicycle. FML

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By NC - 11/2/2010 07:32 - Malaysia

Today, I spilled some milk on my laptop. I was pretty sure it would be fine as it was only a bit of milk. While cleaning the residue, I knocked a whole bucket of water into the insides of the laptop. RIP Macbook. FML

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By vanessa_d15 - 9/11/2009 07:55 - Canada

Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML

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By - 18/4/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

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By stepshart - 21/8/2014 19:30 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

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By Username - 1/5/2011 08:20 - United States

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriends dog. After several trips around the block and plenty of strange looks I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

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By IDontGetPaidEnoughForThisShit - 1/4/2015 02:15 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, on my day off, I received a call from my boss asking why I wasn't at work yet. After getting dressed and an hour-long train ride later, I got there only to find out that it was an April Fool's prank. I had to take the train back home. FML

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By ScottishSteak - 27/9/2019 16:00

Scotland and its leccy bills

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 01:15 - India - Ahmedabad

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

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Top comments

By Seegtease | 0

#150387 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:11

#1, #8, I hope you're kidding. It was an accident, he wasn't raping her. Learn the difference.

If you're not kidding, I'd hate to be the guy with either of you. He'd put his arm around you and you'd run away screaming "BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH!"

By Hugeness | 0

#150324 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:29

HAHAHAHAHA. Did you check to see he waited to have sex with you until you were conscious?

Comments

By truslide | 0

#150317 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:25

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

guitarheaven789 | 0

#1072002 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 23:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Macromartyr | 3

#1229938 - Thursday 12 August 2010 17:45

It's not rape you tard

Reply

prepayedtank | 0

#4251055 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 0:30

Your an idiot.. It was an accident

By Hugeness | 0

#150324 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:29

HAHAHAHAHA. Did you check to see he waited to have sex with you until you were conscious?

Reply

MrFagHole | 0

#865102 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 10:53

fail,hole

Reply

lennelleong | 33

#5544770 - Friday 21 June 2013 4:07

"K.O.! and you're out for the count!" But seriously OP, i would prefer blacking out from the force of the climax. Secondly, was the swelling on your head bigger than the swelling in his pants? I've a third point to make, but i don't want to try too hard! *OUCH*

Reply

adacurtis | 9

#6083743 - Tuesday 7 October 2014 18:59

more like F his life.. I bet he felt horrible

Reply

cheyluvsturtles | 30

#6625410 - Friday 10 June 2016 21:59

I think she probably felt horrible to!!! she probably has a massive headache

By trslove | 0

#150334 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:33

Wowww that sucks! Your bf needs to learn his own strength!!!

By tWitt3rBuG | 0

#150337 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:34

L0l, cute. Points for creativity though! An experience you'd never forget =D

Reply

jhoward7 | 0

#1005018 - Monday 24 May 2010 6:42

yeah... at least he tried to do something romantic for you... it's the thought right?

By mjsmclaren | 0

#150339 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:35

donkey punch...

By LostAndNotFound | 0

#150350 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:39

it was all part of the plan baby.

By RyanRaygun | 0

#150358 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:43

Best 10 minutes of my... I mean... his life, I'm sure.

By brook042 | 0

#150371 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 9:53

9-1-1

By Seegtease | 0

#150387 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:11

#1, #8, I hope you're kidding. It was an accident, he wasn't raping her. Learn the difference.

If you're not kidding, I'd hate to be the guy with either of you. He'd put his arm around you and you'd run away screaming "BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH!"

By DearlyBeloved | 0

#150391 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 10:14

My boyfriend and I tried to get hot and heavy against the wall too. He couldn't support my weight (though I'm 107lbs) and down I went, hitting my head against the other wall and scraping my body against the side. So no worries, it happens to everyone.

Reply

je_suis_fml | 11

#2943420 - Thursday 21 July 2011 6:57

Um, not quite "everyone"...