Miscellaneous: Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked...

By aaaaaaaaasssssssssssssss - 26/08/2015 13:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 988

You deserved it 2 514

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Shared towel

By shitface - 06/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 1 231

Cool nickname

By nearsighted-ut - 26/09/2019 02:00

Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 923

You deserved it 126

Blasted

By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 038

You deserved it 2 967

By Derp McShitstain - 16/09/2012 19:48 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 711

You deserved it 2 769

By Lady Douche of Asscrackington - 10/10/2013 20:00 - United States - Watertown

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 546

You deserved it 3 569

To the window, to the wall

By Kim - 17/07/2020 23:01

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 410

By imblue42 - 24/06/2015 05:16 - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 239

You deserved it 3 696

By harshdoobie - 18/01/2012 15:18 - Canada

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 145

You deserved it 3 338

By Anonymous - 12/02/2014 17:26 - United States - Louisville

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 227

You deserved it 4 411

By Username - 17/03/2011 04:04

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 867

You deserved it 5 239

saba_ajira 29

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:33

It sounds like your family members are the only asses in this picture. Sorry OP

cara_marie0303 18

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:33

Hopefully she has a weird sense of humor and was kidding? Most people keep those in the shower. Anyway, that sucks OP, hope your day got better!

Comments

saba_ajira 29

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:33

It sounds like your family members are the only asses in this picture. Sorry OP

cara_marie0303 18

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:33

Hopefully she has a weird sense of humor and was kidding? Most people keep those in the shower. Anyway, that sucks OP, hope your day got better!

Hildy93 21

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:50

Hope to god those washcloths aren't white...

gogo44444 28

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:34

It's ok op, sometimes family jokes around like that, try to find a way to laugh with them or something. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Lanabur 13

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:37

Junk face towel

shemademedoit 20

Friday 28 August 2015 7:18

the **** are you on?

shaaza 16

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:38

Oh come on OP its just a family joke. I'm sure they would not go beyond that limit.

chinaski7628 32

Thursday 27 August 2015 9:29

See, I don't think the nickname's really the problem. I would think OP drying her face with her mother's ass towel is the real FML here.

kcjane 12

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:38

Did you use a washcloth that was just randomly laying around the bathroom? If so that's never really safe.

imerichello 18

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:39

That must suck op, sorry

WOTAN1488 24

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:41

UGH! Time to wash again...

Definefailure 4

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:43

who wipes their ass with a cloth what the shit. that's what we invented toilet paper for

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 27 August 2015 7:42

you don't wash your ass when you shower?

slayertack 19

Thursday 27 August 2015 8:39

I just use my hands.

enginsteve 17

Thursday 27 August 2015 10:49

#21 she didn't say wash , she said wipe. So yes, who the hell wipes their ass with a washcloth?

iwadasn 32

Thursday 27 August 2015 23:03

31, the OP used both "wash" and "wipe" to refer to washing her face, so maybe her mother was also using it in the "wash" sense.

Riceball__o3o 15

Friday 28 August 2015 14:16

She obviously said wipe, not wash.

dezman2000 21

Thursday 27 August 2015 6:44

Ah, the deadly dad-brother tag team

Keywords

Love Awkward Students Relatable Work Racism Health Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Animals Cats Boredom Management Kids Parenting Sexism Parents Miscellaneous Weird Job interview Facebook Jealousy

The Top

Today, in the middle of an argument, my husband picked me up and sat me on our breakfast bar. I’m terrified of heights so getting down took me over 5 minutes because of how bad I was shaking. He left to meet his friends, who “don’t start arguments just because they’re bored.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 649

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 225

You deserved it 6 962

The Top

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 519

You deserved it 2 528

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 263

You deserved it 4 021

Today, I went into my classroom to find a bag of shit on my desk with a note saying, "Thanks for failing me b*tch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 209

You deserved it 7 522

Today, a childhood friend reached out to me to apologize for our friendship. He was obviously drunk, and admitted that his parents made him become friends with me so that my dad, their landlord, would be easy on them when the rent was short after his mom lost her job. He said he never really liked me and called me a nerd, before hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 113

Today, my wife finally gave up on our autistic 11 year-old son and decided to have him taken into a care facility, because his autism is so bad, all he can do is sleep, stare vacantly, play on his iPad, or scream for hours. I’m kind of glad he’s leaving, but I can’t shake the dam guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 917

You deserved it 1 034

Today, while eating a sandwich, I saw a worm. Knowing that my friend always tries to scare me with fake worms and insects, I bit it to show her I knew it was fake. It was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 523

You deserved it 33 680

Same thing different taste

Shared towel

Cool nickname

Blasted

To the window, to the wall

Top comments

Comments