Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in... - FML

By absentmindedmoron - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML

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Proactive

Better out than in

Smooth criminal

By woopwoop - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

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By manymisfortunes - Canada - Lachine

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

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By vetstudentdream - Australia - Bellbowrie

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML

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By Ramb0 - United Kingdom - Christchurch

By singing

Today, I was headbanging so hard to a song in the shower that I hit my head on the wall and got a concussion. I'm now in hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

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By RootalyTootToot

Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

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By lk26 - United States

Today, I went to my car to discover a note on the windshield from the city telling me that they had hit my car. On top of that note was a parking ticket, also from the city. FML

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By actionboy116 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while working as a cart attendant, I found one of my coworkers on a lawn chair sipping on a Bud light in the parking lot, while we both were supposed to be working, leaving me to push carts by myself. My boss comes out to me catching my breath and tells me to work harder. FML

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By chlolivia - Canada

Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 20:00

Who's a good boy?

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

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By mydaughterisdisturbed - United States - Huntingburg

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Jose

Today, I started my new job as a cashier for a drugstore. As I scanned some children's medicine for a family, I gave the girl a tissue because her nose was running. Later, my boss sat me down and told me there had been a complaint about a "female pedo-employee". I'm the only woman working there. FML

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By The Fishing Pole

So, are you in or are you out?

Today, I told my long time crush, "I love you," in an elaborate way. She replied, "What an interesting perspective." FML

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By kelizabeth - United States

Today, I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

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By simon - Canada

Today, I moved into university residence, looking forward to finally being able to come out of the closet. I started chatting with the hot guy moving in next door to me. He said I was cool, and he was glad because he was afraid he'd be living next to a gay guy. FML

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By WhyDoINeedAName - Canada - Okotoks

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

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By Brian - United States

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

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By pubemilkshake - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

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By soprahb - United States

Today, my girlfriend's new favorite TV show is Law and Order SVU. Now after every episode she insists on asking me if I'm sure I wasn't molested as a kid. She's still on the first season. FML

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By Ava

Today, a jobless person felt sympathy for me because I work retail. FML

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By mcadabax - Canada

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

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By Antonin - 13/11/2020 05:03 - Switzerland

We meet again

Today, I missed my bus to school, so I took my bike. The bus that I missed ignored a stop sign on its way back, making me crash into it. FML

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By sosoram - United States - Victorville

Today, I learned that the gentleman that found my wallet was not satisfied with the $300 cash and forged a check for a washer and dryer. I found out when I checked my account. It cleared. FML

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By bw9669 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

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By Unlucky - United States - Altoona

Today, my parents installed an air freshener above the toilet. While I was standing to pee, it sprayed me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

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By Anonymoys - 22/2/2021 17:01

Pansexuality awaits you

Today, I realized that the guy that I've liked for the past 7 months is actually a girl. I've told all my friends about how much I like him, but no one bothered to tell me that he's actually a girl. FML

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By lovecrisis247 - United States

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 14:03

Hairy situation

Today, after taking hair growth pills and using hair growth medicated shampoos, I have not seen any different in my thinning hair. Can't say the same about the hair sprouting on my knuckles, chin, and toes. My pubes are very thick, silky, and luscious thanks to the treatment. I'm a woman. FML

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By misc - Australia

Today, my brand new iPhone 4 was stolen from my bag. I asked the bartender if anyone had handed it in. I soon found out that while I was talking to her, someone swiped my wallet from the bag too. FML

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By Sammijane58

Today, I watched my best friend get married. I then watched her completely ignore my maid of honor speech, because she was messing with the lights behind us. FML

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By PlsForget - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML

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By Jesse - United States

Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML

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By maruskasommers - Czech Republic

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

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By Chris - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

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By biker2012 - United States

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

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Top comments

By Moy_fml | 6

#590165 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:47

"Today I was in a phonebooth. This guy came in and started groping me and I attacked him with the receiver. He said: "I'm sorry m'am" and walked off. I'm Superman. FML"

By f_alltheirlives | 3

#590092 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

Boothycall!

COMMENTS

By pyroanarchist23 | 0

#590059 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:07

next time pay more attention
first

Reply

tyhillman | 0

#590067 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:08

He was paying attention to his phone lol.

Reply

SoreThroat | 0

#591114 - Monday 28 September 2009 6:10

Exactly...attention to his phone, not to where he was going....I stopped reading at "walking while texting." Huge YDI right there, amiright? XD

Reply

carpediem9_fml | 0

#1014368 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 0:43

Watch where you're walking dude

Reply

alialley | 10

#4758798 - Wednesday 1 August 2012 12:23

Meh, I'd cut the guy some slack. People do ignorant things all the time.

Reply

His_Holiness | 18

#5648888 - Thursday 29 August 2013 10:53

At least OP wasn't texting and driving

By the_boss_fml | 0

#590062 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:07

LOL. that sucks. happened to me a few times before (except the clobbering)

Reply

TheChad12 | 2

#1772331 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 7:51

You accidentally walked into a phone booth while texting a few times??? Didn't know it was so common.

By Shinzura | 0

#590063 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:07

YDI for not paying attention

By _THE_MASTER_ | 0

#590073 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:10

LOLZ. I said this to the last idiot who posted something about not paying attention to where they were going, and I'll say it to you. This reminds me of the kid in NYC who was walking and texting and failed to notice an open manhole in his path. i can't wait to hear about this happening to you one day. PAY ATTENTION, ASSHOLE.

By leggyxo | 0

#590078 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:12

and were you walking while typing this too?

By arisaurus | 0

#590088 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

you deserve it.you shouldve been payin attention to where you were goin,next time ur gonna walk in the streets and get run over.even then,you'd still deserve it.ur really stupid.ydi

By f_alltheirlives | 3

#590092 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:15

Boothycall!

By jjenniferr05 | 0

#590103 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:20

Shit Fml. Not funny at all really. This site is going downhill..

Reply

leisl14 | 0

#590205 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:16

then moderate, or submit your own funny stories. or stop reading the fml's altogether

By Moy_fml | 6

#590108 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:21

At least it wasn't Susan Boyle.

By TimmyM | 0

#590113 - Sunday 27 September 2009 20:23

Receiver? Who the fuck calls it that? Stuck up for a peterborough boy, no?

Reply

ZombieKnickers_fml | 8

#590182 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:03

Don't be so harsh.

Reply

ciao_bella_fml | 0

#590229 - Sunday 27 September 2009 21:32

I happen to call it that to!

and @op - try to paymore attention next time haha