Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go...

By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

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Geek

Season finale

Gas giant

This is fine

By bridezilla - 31/12/2015 07:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

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By snowman - 6/2/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

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By ouch - 13/8/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I was babysitting 3 toddlers. I wanted to entertain them by making them laugh, but nothing worked. Later on, I started down the stairs, but tripped and tumbled down. I realized I have broken my arm and bruised my knees. I also realized that kids think it's hilarious when you get injured. FML

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By - 2/3/2019 14:00

Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML

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By sfabsits - 17/7/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

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By Shame - 19/9/2012 20:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

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By Samantha - 13/3/2012 17:59 - Canada

Today, my dad insisted on having a family movie night. He chose the movies Jaws and Mayday. I'm going on a diving expedition tomorrow. FML

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By p - 28/8/2012 20:38 - Canada - Markham

Today, I had a piano exam. My friend noticed how nervous I was, and recommended that I compliment the examiner for higher marks. When it was time for the exam, without thinking, I told him I liked his hair. Turns out bald people don't like that. FML

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By Zahkrii - 26/12/2018 16:00

Today, while returning from a class, I stopped to use the bathroom. While in said bath room, someone threw a chip bag filled with piss water into the stall I was using. FML

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By neednewdeoderant - 14/12/2011 02:39 - United States

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

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By FidoForever - 20/6/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2015 15:47 - United States - Cabot

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

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By Keldar - 19/8/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML

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By samsonity - 15/9/2020 17:02

It never rains, it pours

Today, I woke up knowing I'd done all my homework, so I'd have the day free. My dad calls me into his room to tell me that I have 3 outstanding exam papers to hand in this week. It was summer homework, set by my school's online learning website that I didn’t know it existed. FML

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By Lindsey - 24/5/2014 15:22 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, while at training with several of my co-workers, I realized I was the only woman. The only thing one of them said to me the entire day was "DUDE!" while staring at my chest as I took my coat off in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2013 16:15 - United States

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

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By royalscenery - 27/10/2010 21:58 - Canada

Today, after discussing the side-effects of an insomnia aid, my doctor said that making a choice was naturally a difficult one, and that he would only prescribe it to me once I'd had "a good, long sleep on it". He then laughed out loud and called in the next patient. FML

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By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Valid reason

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

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By animal lover... - 5/10/2013 22:34

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

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By pvcnutcrackingdomqueen4u - 16/8/2015 16:18 - United States - Monmouth Junction

Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 14:01

America's Funniest Home Videos

Today, I found out that a guy who works overnights had secretly been videotaping me singing and dancing to my favorite songs while I worked my own graveyard shift. My new nickname at work is 'Prancy'. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2017 22:00

Today, I got reverse suspended for correcting my teacher. Now my mom has to go to all my high school classes with me for a week. FML

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By ihatemyjob - 3/9/2015 03:37 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML

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By damnit - 27/10/2008 09:08 - United States

Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML

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By Unknown - 7/2/2014 14:18 - United States - Lamoni

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

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By NittanyMangini - 26/5/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

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By 1.30am - 10/2/2012 09:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text at 1:30 am because he didn't want to give me "the dread of answering a phone call." When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, "For what?" FML

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By TooNoisy4Me - 4/7/2016 09:46 - United States - Bellerose

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2013 07:19 - United States - Portland

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

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By black_commet08 - 10/2/2010 05:11 - France

Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2019 04:00 - United States

Unionize!

Today, my boss told me he was going to start taking money out of my pay, because his wife makes us lunch. I work for my dad, and he wants to start charging me because my mom makes me a sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

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By Poorfish - 17/3/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

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By itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug - 14/5/2014 20:58 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

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By hated - 28/12/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

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By cheated - 6/7/2019 22:03

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

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Top comments

By Madalena_fml | 0

#157122 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:18

FAIL .

Couldn't you just miss the call & call them back later ?

By Tehalon | 0

#157142 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:20

Maybe you should sober up before running in the house.

COMMENTS

By Madalena_fml | 0

#157122 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:18

FAIL .

Couldn't you just miss the call & call them back later ?

khosa | 0

#1283593 - Sunday 22 August 2010 10:42

hahahahahahhahahah u SUCK

By Kiwi18 | 0

#157125 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:19

how would you know its a wrong number if your tv fell on you. im sure the last thing you wouldve tried to do was check the phone after all that.

legendbiscuits | 5

#2438702 - Sunday 1 May 2011 14:54

agreed

snickerz01 | 0

#2648406 - Thursday 9 June 2011 16:59

an amazing thing called voicemail! herp a derp!

dudeman1212 | 22

#3823851 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 9:57

Well she couldn't just give up then!

By lizwriteslove | 0

#157129 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:19

I'm so proud of you!

By Tehalon | 0

#157142 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:20

Maybe you should sober up before running in the house.

walkmywaynot | 0

#1155794 - Thursday 29 July 2010 8:35

or not run in the house at all

By wutupbruh | 0

#157144 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:20

this is like that scene in burn after reading...

By username0333 | 0

#157158 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:22

idiot

By username0333 | 0

#157159 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:22

idiot

By Champloo92 | 0

#157171 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:23

i agree with number 3

By jio_freed | 0

#157197 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:27

#3 and #8 - she probably called them back afterwards

By KnOcOuT | 0

#157199 - Thursday 30 April 2009 21:28

That is why you need to walk to the phone instead of running. You will get there in time and not hurt yourself.

azhein | 0

#971286 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 22:19

there's a lot of posts like this you think people would learn