By -_- - 29/03/2011 02:22 - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks 38 960
You deserved it 5 345

Same thing different taste

Top comments

perdix 29

The good news is that in a few months, you'll have a litter of baby-puppies.

Was this great Dane Beowulf or Hamlet?


trained to hump? why didn't the dog hump ur gf?

SdCounty33 0
lollipopXx 0

what a horrible owner. if that was me I would have beaten that dog until he quit. the dog was showing dominance, and if you don't train them that you are the dominant one, this will happen again and again. And most male dominate dogs are aggressive. if he does that to you ( the owner) and nobody is around to help you, you're s-o-l because if you try to fight it off yourself it could attack you. Put your dog on a leash, or train it a bit better. He could have sued you for that too. FYI.

Somedood117 0

hahahah everyone is freaking out. it's funny once you paint the picture in your head. XD

what OP doesn't tell us is how afterwards they got up and made out. And the great dane doesn’t call him for a few days, and he's all upset! And then its all awkward at the water-cooler. And dane's all embarrassed cause he’s hooked up with a human.. and he’s like, bitch I was going to call you!

sanchezking 0
alaskaboy090 0

No. 82, you are right on about beating the dog. That happened to me once, a monstrous dog started humping me while the owner laughed her ass off and refused to do anything, claiming it was 'too funny to stop.' His claws cut into me and he ripped my shirt while she screamed with laughter, 'look, he's raping you!' It wasn't so funny to her when I used my heel to kick her dog right in his dirty penis then punched his ugly snout. He stopped humping me all right. She stared screaming at me (so it was OK for her dog to attack me but NOT OK for me to stop him any way I could). A cop came running, saw me covered with claw marks and bleeding and my shirt all ripped up and a dog with no leash and started writing the citations. She paid a bundle in fines and I nailed her in court for more. I filed suit against her because while her horny dog did not know any better she should have yet instead of trying to stop him she cracked up and let him go to town. It was her reaction I found so unacceptable and of course that is the case here.

143, I understand kicking him but punching him in the nose wasn't necessary. Unless the dog tried at it again but still I think it was a little over the top. The dog wasn't at fault it wa the owner. I'm glad you taught her a lesson for being a bitch and not stopping her dog.

No 143, for the sake of brevity I did not give every last detail. After I kicked the dog in the penis he howled and lunged at me with his teeth bared so I brought my fist down over the top of his snout to shut his mouth and get his teeth away from me before he bit me. He was not leashed so there was no way his idiot owner could have pulled him away (not that she tried). Once I hit his face he hunched down and I was able to grab his collar and control him. That's when the cop showed up (he heard her screaming obscenities at me) and found me all clawed up and bloody and her standing like a moron, screaming at me that she was going to kill me for hitting her dog (uh, and we're back to it was OK for her dog to hump me, claw me until I bled and rip my shirt but NOT OK for me to stop him). I actually still have a few scars on my back from that incident and unfortunately the dog clawed a mole that bled profusely and wouldn't stop (and boy, did that HURT). The cop actually had to call a rescue squad because nothing would stop the bleeding. I ended up in the ER and had to have the mole removed there, plus I needed stitches. I know the dog is just a dog and can't reason but again, it was him or me and I would have beaten him to death without a second's remorse if I had to but once I popped him in the snout I was able to get his collar and subdue him. I didn't need to hit him again so I didn't.

39 you made me laugh with your epic win.

Yes 167, it was not one of my happier days. What was aggravating about it (aside from her lack of remorse) was that this entire incident was so avoidable. Really, is it too much to ask that dog owners obey leash laws and control their dogs?

Thank you 191. I cannot take full credit. I was fortunate that a cop came along at the right time. His citations, his testimony and the fact that he called the rescue squad as well as the hospital records which plainly showed my surgery and stitches were all factors in the judge's decision. I'm with you, I hate stupid dog owners who let their dogs to anything they want and expect strangers to tolerate them and think they're handsome or cute or funny.

tell you girlfriend you have got more action from the dog than her and you liked the dog better!

well the punch was to assert like extreme authority over the dog it wasn't like of the sudden he went on the offensive. it's like if someone attacked you, you would beat them back so they know not to **** with you.


that is disturbing. orgyWHAAAt?

no he doesn't. but me being ugly doesn't make him any less fat. I'm just saying he's fat. it's just an observation, just like I'm ugly. happy?

106, not that I'm saying you are, but being ugly isn't your fault. Being morbidly obese is only one person's fault, I think it should be a crime to damage your body like that. Some people would do anything for a working body, don't take it for granted.

he is a child can't you blame upbringing?


106- Loving the chin, does cum run down it easily?

some ppl r born fat some ppl hav bad metabolisms sum ppl r too busy to workout everyday is that their fault? geez stop hatin on fat ppl... also I'm pretty most of Americas population is far and morbidly obese teenagers is an issue. you could even blame fast food restaurants...

145-actually yes!!! like a slide for cum!!! And idk about anyone else but like I said he's fat, I'm not saying if it's anyones fault or if there's a problem because I just don't know. just an observation. suck it up and move on...just like I do! not really though.

114-Thanks!! I think your arm and hands are quite attractive. because that's all I can see. and nice stack. of cards.


156- Can I scream mamma Mia when I cum on you? no no no jk! But yes, you ******* need to keep the train a moving and get over yourself, If a person is fat well by god they're fat, if a person is ugly by god they're ugly. I just call it how I see it.

159-Only if you do it in a Italian accent.


well actually thats my fiance,

oh congratulations!! is this picture of him when he was a kid?


nope! hes not a kid. just a midget. with a nice, hard package

lovepinkandzombi 0
KFCkoolaidWaterm 0

Yeah, I know how you feel. The same thing happened to me except for the fact that the dog was three-headed and named Fluffy, and the owner wasn't taking pictures, he was joining in on the fun. :/ FML.

Bates621 0

Well what were you wearing? I would understand if the dog raped you for being seductive.

frankq555 3

So you must know what op is talking about, but who starts the humping, you or your dogs?

Capt_Awesome137 0

No he meant the girlfriend. he was going to hook up with the dog.


119- If I dump the girlfriend, Do I get you? pretty please, I have two poodles they're much more fun.

skyeyez9 24

I like dogs, and have two of them. The difference is, mine are trained and disciplined and are not a public nuisance. if a huge dog tried humping me while the owner snapped pics and laughed, instead of retreiving his undisciplined canine; I would have punched the dog's nose as hard as I could or a hard kick in it's ribs to get the damn dog away from me.

"not only did my did my" lul repeat.

sounds like the moderators are sleeping on the job

irish_sonic 0

10- what park do you go to and we can cure you from being jealous!

Was this great Dane Beowulf or Hamlet?

TheDrifter 23

Methinks it would be Beowulf. At least he strikes me as the more savage of the great Danes.

C6Racer 0

You don't need a park. I'll pretend I'm the great dane.