Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said, "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "Mom" while at work. FML
Today, after I've spent years cultivating my reputation at work as a hardass who's good to his team, as long as they're competent and own up to mistakes, my mother came as a customer and suddenly I'm a kid all over again. She even tried to pat my head and ask if I'm eating enough. Now my team all keep smirking at me. FML
Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML
Today, I sat in my boss's office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
Today, my mom turned to me and said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said, "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML
Today, my 8 year-old little sister said, "F*** you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said, "Gotcha, bitch." FML
Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML
Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "Look at this!" then contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "Stop making fun of your sister!" FML
Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I'm now the laughing stock of my office. FML
Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML
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Top comments
itz_towelie 6
prove your mom and sis wrong, do it in 3 years
blankettt 0
You think you get asked stupid questions? Try working at T-Mobile. I never realized how many idiots there are in our world until I got this job. "Why mine phone ain't on? I gots to call my boyfran to tell him i know hims cheatin on me! Why mine phone ain't on??" "You didn't pay your bill, ma'am." "Didn't nobody done told me I had to pay no damn bill. So why mine phone ain't on??" *mutes phone and sighs*
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Comments (149)
FYLDeep 26
You win snickerdoodles! Now you don't have to comment anymore!
HamsteronA 0
woooooooooooo lol that's what I was then I turned male and started doing drugs bleh heeee teehee lol I still use toys roflmfao r o f l m f a o
quikwit1212 0
That's not funny, and I think my brain just died a little while reading it.
deadbunny17 0
It's clear that this was a pre-typed response. She wouldn't have made it before anyone else if she took the time to type all of that.
itz_towelie 6
getting first is your greatest life accomplishment? really? way to set the bar high... the razor blades are in the first drawer on the left.
dudeitsdanny 10
5 minutes, probably.
RetroXI 4
serious dickerdoodle....all that to be 1st....your life is the epitome of fml...
thatoneGeo 0
get a life
hey01_fml 0
ur family is a good one, b nice to em
StoryOfTheWeek 0
can't believe snickerdoodles was able to write that in time before someone else posted
StoryOfTheWeek 0
also, snickerdoodles, way to be full of yourself, there was absolutly nothing in your book, I mean post, about the fml