Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in... - FML

By Gassy - 14/12/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

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Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Yappy neighborhood

Tidy your room

By fuck family - 17/7/2013 20:13 - Poland - Walbrzych

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2011 13:26 - United States

Today, I was dumped. I ran home and cried and ranted on and on to my mother. After about 10 minutes of talking, she threw a book at my face and said, "No wonder he dumped you! You can't shut up!" FML

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By kmjlevesque - 3/6/2020 02:00

Bye bye clothes

Today, I ran out of moving boxes so I used a few garbage bags to pack up my clothes. My new roommate decided to be helpful by putting those green garbage bags in the dumpster. It was garbage day. FML

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By shitless88 - 20/8/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

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By loveless - 24/9/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

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By beep_guacamole - 24/5/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

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By no tea parties here, gran - 11/4/2013 17:16 - United States

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

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By sadcartoons - 12/2/2011 18:57 - Canada

Today, my son and I attended my mother's funeral. It was the first time he'd been to such an event, so to ease his grief and distract him, I turned on Max and Ruby when we got home. He quickly broke into tears; apparently, it was the episode where Max and Ruby prepare their grandma a special birthday gift. FML

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By are you kidding me - 22/7/2017 20:03

Today, I learned the venue owner and producer for the musical I'm in is under criminal investigation. What for? Three separate sexual assault incidents and putting cameras in our dressing rooms. FML

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By The fuck, junior? - 5/7/2013 22:45 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

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By changeddaily - 20/3/2011 04:52 - Australia

Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

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By darquedraconian - 12/5/2014 02:27 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son gave me some flowers for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, the only time I can enjoy them is when I go into the bathroom where they are kept so the cat doesn't eat them. FML

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By Dogless - 21/8/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

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By burr415 - 20/4/2012 22:55 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML

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By Genuine D - 13/5/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

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By why they bomb - 9/3/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

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By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2014 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

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By Lou - 1/6/2010 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 20:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

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By tiredInMD - 12/7/2017 18:39 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after retyping a 22-page report for work because the orginal had gone missing, i realized I had used a different laptop the first time. I now have 2 copies of the same report, both of which are late. FML

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By footfetish - 2/2/2013 11:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

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By lizardface - 23/8/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2020 23:00

Zedonging intensifies

Today, I went downstairs to complain to my landlady that there was no water when I was trying to wash my hair. To which she replied, "No, of course there is water, it's just all going into my swimming pool." FML

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By vargasm - 18/1/2009 12:12 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on decided she wanted to see a movie with me. I tried to hold her hand during the movie and it was great for about 4 minutes. Then she said "Can I have my hand back?" FML

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By hateskool888581 - 12/1/2010 00:28 - Mexico

Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2015 22:52 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

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By ENDmySUFFERING - 21/7/2016 15:25 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I walked into my son's room to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

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By CorpseBride - 7/2/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, and my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse!" He laughed his head off and I died a little inside. FML

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By sickdisney - 21/5/2012 18:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

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By helpme - 4/12/2013 04:05 - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

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By meganridner - 4/8/2011 16:05 - United States

Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

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By Christian - 28/9/2013 15:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

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By Robert - 27/12/2017 15:00

Today, a judge ruled against me. I filed for divorce because my wife got pregnant even though I had a vasectomy. Apparently, not informing your spouse of a vasectomy is worse than cheating in the eyes of the court. FML

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By mommycooks - 22/11/2012 23:18 - United States

Today, my family came over for Thanksgiving. We were supposed to have had dinner hours ago, but my mom kept sneaking into the kitchen and dialing down the temperature on the oven, claiming I was going to overcook everything. At this rate, we'll be lucky to have eaten by midnight. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2016 12:40 - United States - Youngsville

Today, after two weeks of intense detective work, I found out my wife isn't cheating on me after all. She really has just been going out and playing table tennis with her friend like she said. Who the hell even plays table tennis? FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2013 16:11 - United States - Spokane

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

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By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - 26/9/2015 01:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2015 05:56 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

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Top comments

By Bran_Dizzle_ | 0

#720609 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 4:03

Wait...

Quief or fart??

By lukascepanovic | 0

#720579 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 3:56

HAHAHAHAHAH LMFAO!!! that is such a kinky story

Comments

By lookatstupid | 0

#720567 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 3:54

Well that's just rude! 1st

Reply

Lmao_xD | 0

#721811 - Wednesday 16 December 2009 2:04

Lmao!! Thats nastayyy

Reply

dangLIFEsucks | 0

#808472 - Saturday 30 January 2010 0:43

ugh i hate when people say 1st. put yes, i aggree, that is just rude.

Reply

killerviral | 0

#836178 - Tuesday 9 February 2010 1:35

lol that wouldve been funny if u crapped diarria lol

Reply

XCaLX_fml | 0

#923812 - Monday 8 March 2010 3:50

thats not possible his head inst neer your butt

Reply

devinashley | 0

#970313 - Monday 29 March 2010 4:41

hahaha this made me laugh out loud. I'm sorry OP. that's so embarrasing.

it's not rude btw, some flatulence you can't control lol. ;)

Reply

JordynAlexis | 0

#972390 - Thursday 1 April 2010 4:13

81; Somebody doesn't know what 69 is.

Reply

Kilomech | 8

#990120 - Monday 10 May 2010 2:41

XD It is if she's on top.

Reply

fearlesstiger98 | 0

#1030825 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 13:07

stfu with that 1st shit.

Reply

I_EAT_THE_POOPOO | 0

#1070011 - Wednesday 7 July 2010 5:44

ahhahahaha dude just got pink eye

Reply

FMLJFL | 5

#4775001 - Sunday 5 August 2012 8:23

This has to be the first 1st comment that isn't downvoted.

Reply

reddawn1985 | 12

#4837325 - Monday 20 August 2012 6:39

That's just plain repulsive. Could he look you in the eye after that?

By soccer4ever7 | 0

#720570 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 3:54

lol wow

Reply

Alhan_fml | 0

#972465 - Thursday 1 April 2010 5:52

Hehe QUEEF!

By FATnips | 0

#720574 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 3:55

Should have just done 11 FIRST.

Reply

laurenlovesjb | 20

#5550509 - Monday 24 June 2013 22:54

I think it's funny this has 11 down votes!

By lukascepanovic | 0

#720579 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 3:56

HAHAHAHAHAH LMFAO!!! that is such a kinky story

By the_sodomizer | 0

#720587 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 3:57

teehee

By Bran_Dizzle_ | 0

#720609 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 4:03

Wait...

Quief or fart??

Reply

hwaning21 | 0

#4051839 - Saturday 18 February 2012 15:26

Ewww either way

By brerae1 | 0

#720613 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 4:04

Ew haha. Thats uber gross!! LOL!

By somepartsareme | 0

#720678 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 4:36

@8

I know you're a troll but... What? What?! WHAT?!

Reply

emqueen | 1

#4631329 - Saturday 30 June 2012 0:06

What did he say??

By gilly011 | 0

#720785 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 5:47

wow. thats fucking disgusting. self-control much?

By Ninjaface | 0

#720807 - Tuesday 15 December 2009 6:15

You're welcome.

Reply

Mx718 | 0

#747700 - Thursday 31 December 2010 22:45

I agree.