Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML
Today, my 5 year-old daughter saw me getting ready to sit down in a fold-out camp chair, and told me, with a big smile on her face, "Daddy, you're too fat to sit in that chair. You'll break it with your big butt." Out of the mouths of babes, I guess. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML
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Top comments
AFCCT 7
Badass daughter if I say so myself
Welshite 39
She has the makings of a superhero. You should be proud.
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Comments (145)
loganHchrist 9
Why do so many parents complain about their kids? If you don't want your kids to behave a certain way, limit the amount of violence your kid is exposed to.
killinpoptarts 9
Hitler was an artist and look where that got us.... I say more violence= better citizens
Dthsapprntc 23
If people didn't complain about their kids we would not have awesone FML's to read. I say keep 'em coming.
rocker_chick105 31
It's the Hulk... it's not really "violence."
dachayke 16
You're the kind of person who lets Fox News think for them instead of thinking for themselves, aren't you?
xerbrus 14
none of you have kids do you? they are highly impressionable I'm all for them learning how to think but good impulse control should be established beforehand
ErinPinelli 24
I prefer Thor myself.
perdix 29
#29, I think the OP is going to be pretty Thor for theveral hours.
ElricMustang 23
At least it wasn't a black widow imitation, giving you a nice kick to the face.
JMichael 25
Is this the same daughter who hides around corners punching her dad in the balls?
horneyhic 15
Iron man rules
martin8337 35
Balls smashed! ouch! Hope it stops hurting soon.
worthlessACfan 11
cute, she thought she's the Hulk
spookspook 5
Anyone notice the influx of parents afraid of their young child's lately...
KingFudd 13
"Puny dad."
perdix 29
You might want to ask Mom how she chose the target for her green rage.