Kids: Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists... - FML

24/09/2012 14:33 - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 924

You deserved it 6 375

Mother of the year

Triage

The Good Life

14/08/2018 06:00

Today, my dad asked my help with a computer problem. Whenever he logged on Facebook, every single advertisement appeared to be hardcore porn. I had to awkwardly explain that these ads are based on his browsing habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 162

07/02/2009 04:58 - United States

Today, My roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 458

You deserved it 3 613

03/01/2015 21:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 2 908

20/07/2010 04:57 - France

Today, I had the rehearsal for two of my friends' wedding. My ex-husband is also in the wedding, and I just found out we have to walk down the aisle together 'for height reasons'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 702

You deserved it 3 857

Great day out

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 19:32 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 918

You deserved it 5 850

01/09/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 272

You deserved it 40 876

21/08/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 481

You deserved it 2 599

14/09/2011 01:30 - Canada

Today, after months of looking forward to my new fencing lessons and speculating endlessly about the people who might be in my class, I went to my first lesson. I was the only one who showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 878

You deserved it 3 455

08/10/2016 09:35 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 808

You deserved it 2 064

19/06/2014 00:58 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 955

You deserved it 4 990

03/05/2019 20:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, because money is a little tight, I decided to sell one of my retro video game consoles. The family member that initially gave me it to me saw the ad on Facebook and demanded I give it back to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 893

You deserved it 753

10/07/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 272

You deserved it 3 750

22/01/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 582

You deserved it 2 938

09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 898

You deserved it 12 123

31/05/2012 11:29 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 092

You deserved it 2 549

05/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 329

You deserved it 1 101

12/07/2019 06:07

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 131

27/03/2015 08:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had an interview for an office job. As a requirement, I had to show up dressed for the job. My friend has worked there for years and told me it was casual dress. I wore jeans and a blouse. Everyone else had on business suits. Obviously my friend doesn't know what casual means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 936

You deserved it 7 929

Manage this

By fuck this company - 14/06/2021 07:01 - United States

Today, the same manager who wrote me up for missing work when my mom had had a stroke, thought it was perfectly acceptable to announce she was leaving work 6 hours early to take her dogs to the groomers. Apparently, that appointment was more urgent than me riding in an ambulance with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 39

23/08/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I applied to live in a barn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 276

You deserved it 8 613

My precious

By Gollumapparently - 13/01/2021 05:01

Today, my friend and I took an online quiz to find out what character from Lord of the Rings we look like. She got Arwen. I got Gollum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 199

06/12/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, while at the laundry mat, an old man kept putting extra quarters in my dryer. I didn't realize until a while later what he'd done, just so he could keep watching me bend over to see how much time was left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 071

You deserved it 5 090

30/12/2015 13:32 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 061

You deserved it 2 777

Dumbass

By Ihatepol - 16/10/2021 08:03

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 47

27/05/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 316

You deserved it 6 931

14/03/2019 16:00

Today, I learned that my son’s godmother forgot about the baptism date and booked a family holiday to Italy. Her mother is also on the trip and she is the officiant. I gave them both the date over 6 months ago. Everything is already booked on our side for that date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 249

15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 856

You deserved it 40 293

Furry

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 472

You deserved it 139

10/06/2015 03:21 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, I found out that my boss of 2 years not only doesn't know my name, but calls me "Jew hair" behind my back because of my natural ringlets. This man determines all of my career progression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 149

You deserved it 1 864

Jaywalking?

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 16:01

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, I was hit by a daycare van. After going to the police to complain, I was given a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 75

21/08/2017 16:00

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 895

You deserved it 826

26/09/2015 02:36 - Australia

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 567

You deserved it 1 823

11/02/2012 19:20 - United States

Today, I looked over my next homework assignment for art class. It was to draw a portrait of my best friend. I can't think of anyone besides my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 234

You deserved it 4 488

31/05/2014 15:05 - United States - Omaha

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 837

You deserved it 9 181

25/05/2019 22:00

Today, after deactivating my Facebook page 4 days ago for stalking reasons - as in me stalking my ex - I reactivated it for approximately 3 minutes to see what his status update was, then deactivated it again. I'm just THAT pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 2 766

The best time of your life

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 20:01

Spicy

Today, the girl I've been flirting with for a few weeks invited me to a house party. I gradually found out that she's been talking to my good buddy, they've been dating, actually they've been banging the whole time. And now she's in a bikini bouncing on his lap as we play Cards Against Humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 180

People have lists?!

By Anonymous - 22/09/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 190

04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 926

You deserved it 24 539

12/09/2018 18:30

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw I had 2 kids she wanted to know why I bothered since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 534

You deserved it 148

08/07/2013 17:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 610

You deserved it 72 390

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Top comments

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:01

Hulk smash !

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:04

What's the capital of Thailand op? BANGKOK! Owned! Lol. :D

Comments

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:01

Hulk smash !

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:13

Thank you cousin!! BAM knocks out cousin

TheOrangeProon 13

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:14

Uncle?

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:46

Yeah sorry, you're right! I'm not that good in English, so my mistake. I, ofcourse, meant Uncle! I guess it's just one of those days.. Please forgive me fellow FML'ers!

TheOrangeProon 13

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:52

Haha no worries mate, I'm sure you speak better English than I do your first language. Happens to the best of us.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Monday 24 September 2012 20:27

1 = nail + head.

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Monday 24 September 2012 20:45

Puny Balls!

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Monday 24 September 2012 20:46

Pow! Right in the kisser !

Futacy 29

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Monday 24 September 2012 21:10

^ no, you're doing it wrong.

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Monday 24 September 2012 23:36

42- You kiss with your balls?

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 1:24

She kisses with her other tounge

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 1:27

The only thing I can think of is someone fancying touching your nuts. At least he wore gloves.

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:03

He was just in character!

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Monday 24 September 2012 20:06

And now his uncle's character is gonna have a high pitched voice

license2chill 5

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 2:39

maybe the nuts are the only lethal targets the nephew could reach

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 3:56

Just be happy it wasn't the actual Hulk smashing your balls...

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:04

What's the capital of Thailand op? BANGKOK! Owned! Lol. :D

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:14

Not funny. Too bad you can't purchase a sense of humour.

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:19

Then thumb me down... Jeez... Way to be a buzz kill.

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:19

Lies, I got mine from Walmart...it sucks though :(

Sexy_Kisses14 8

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:42

17- your not funny and your profile pic is disgusting!!

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Monday 24 September 2012 20:42

You should of had him hit Djibouti instead. It would've been less painful.

jjohnson26559 1

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:05

Nuts make him angry. You won't like him when he's angry.

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:18

Keep the peanuts and cashews away from him. He might go berserk!

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:05

Buy him a punching bag to go with the gloves so you're safe :)

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Monday 24 September 2012 20:08

Or buy yourself a cup

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Monday 24 September 2012 20:18

A red solo cup.

SenselessPattern 12

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Monday 24 September 2012 20:26

35 And that song is stuck in my head again. Great....

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:06

Puny God.

alwaysbored13 14

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Monday 24 September 2012 23:36

Puny Balls!

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:08

Did anyone else think of Step Brothers as they were reading this FML? Or Is it just me?

windycityassasin 6

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:12

I thought of avengers.

CptZoe 10

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Monday 24 September 2012 23:37

I thought of Big Bang Theory!

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:09

Maybe get the Thor hammer and battle it out.

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Monday 24 September 2012 22:34

Mighty Thor kicks ass!!

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:10

On the other hand,it looks like you're the cool uncle, so good for you!

ProfessionalTrol_fml 14

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Monday 24 September 2012 19:11

He must think he has superpowers now, since he probably knocked you to the ground and all...

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 59

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 149