Health: Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally... - FML

By Anonymous - 07/11/2013 17:12 - Ireland

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 603

You deserved it 4 024

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Woodland mystery

PMS PSA

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 919

You deserved it 2 210

By strawberrykiwi62 - 11/06/2009 09:09 - Israel

Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 996

You deserved it 5 509

By mokki - 31/03/2015 12:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 3 505

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/07/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 598

You deserved it 6 903

Greed

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 20:03

Today, my husband told me he wants a $600 birthday gift. He doesn't understand why I said that wasn't happening, and is now mad at me. Not only can we not afford that, he only spent less than $10 on my birthday gift last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 110

By snowmon06 - 10/07/2016 04:13

Today, a girl on my Snapchat list posted a story asking for anybody who was awake to talk to her. Me being awake, I took her up on the request. Her response? "Sorry I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 1 628

Coincidence plays tricks on us!

By "Shadley Chase Teladia" - 21/11/2019 19:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I finally got to meet the parents of the girl in which I have been dating for 3 months. I discovered that a month before we started dating, I had a one-night stand with her sister. And a week before that, I had a grinding session with her mother at a bar. No one is saying anything and her father is really bulky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 757

You deserved it 1 898

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 33 551

By Anonymous - 06/05/2016 18:02 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 274

You deserved it 2 125

By loueb17 - 15/02/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 122

You deserved it 9 694

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 14:04 - United States - Bel Air

Today, while opening up to a few friends about how I was sexually abused as a child, one of them blurted "Pics or it didn't happen." How did the others react? With outrage? No, just with awkward chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 115

You deserved it 2 059

By goddamnit - 14/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I got a letter saying I was no longer a student at my college and my current work is void since I had ignored and refused to pay my tuition bill. Over the past month I've been deleting these pesky emails saying 'FINAL WARNING regarding payment' thinking it was more spam. They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 226

You deserved it 140 035

By Carl - 16/10/2011 12:47 - United States

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 329

You deserved it 2 564

By Anonymous - 29/12/2014 19:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 3 585

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 20:01

Spicy

Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 119

By TriedToHelp - 02/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 879

You deserved it 481

By monochromatic - 20/02/2010 03:13 - United States

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 005

You deserved it 2 490

By Anonymous - 24/05/2013 16:40 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 169

You deserved it 9 801

By anonya - 28/08/2012 04:43 - United States - Madera

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 820

You deserved it 3 076

By Lisa - 04/11/2010 14:42 - United States

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 3 544

By Mackdaddy - 07/02/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 997

You deserved it 9 042

What did I say, Roy?

By Peter - 30/06/2021 18:01

Today, my wife said I was being difficult and unreasonable, and called my mother to talk to me about my behaviour. What did I do you ask? I dared to share my opinion on something I happen to feel strongly about, instead of just mindlessly agreeing with her opinion like I have for the past 22 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 189

By MailMaster - 22/07/2011 04:20 - Australia

Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 258

You deserved it 2 868

By Anonymous - 27/09/2015 07:10 - United States - Queens Village

Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 061

You deserved it 4 024

By runfattyrun - 25/12/2016 07:19 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 355

You deserved it 1 188

By StickyPickles - 17/09/2015 02:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried the 'Casual Encounter' page on Craigslist. Three hours, a bunch of spam, and a 30-minute call to some company, speaking to some lady I could barely understand to recover the $40 somehow charged to my card. I think I might want to try other ways to meet people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 362

You deserved it 9 597

Testimony night

By Anonymous - 15/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 467

Loud fart

By naomi3271 - 18/11/2019 20:00

Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 617

By burn in hell - 25/09/2012 21:28 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 787

You deserved it 1 933

By halfie - 26/09/2015 05:06 - United States - Pigeon Forge

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 504

You deserved it 33 265

By jj159 - 25/02/2012 18:40 - United States

Today, I found out that the money my husband and I gave to my son for university courses, has instead been spent on pole dancing lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 029

You deserved it 3 744

USA! FUCK YEAH!

By dinkley7 - 20/03/2021 21:30

Today, at work, I had to tell someone to put out a cigarette. He yelled at me saying it’s a free country. I work at a gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 56

By sleeper - 02/03/2010 05:05 - France

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 229

You deserved it 6 051

By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 539

You deserved it 44 613

By froulita - 31/10/2008 06:08 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend doesn't know if he should break up with me because he loves me too much, or to stay with me and make me suffer. I have no clue as to what's going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 028

You deserved it 5 212

By Shalamar - 15/12/2009 01:30 - Canada

Today, the new guy at work - who is probably at least ten years older than I am - admired the photo on my desk of myself with my husband and teenage daughters and asked "Are those your grand-children?" I'm in my 40's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 256

You deserved it 2 758

By Nutless - 02/04/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 463

You deserved it 12 404

By katgib13 - 10/03/2015 22:38 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 277

You deserved it 2 294

Not so ready to rumble

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 14:00

Today, my pro wrestling training class had come to a close and I was gathering my things outside of the ring. One of my fellow trainees got out of the ring on the side where there was nothing but giant stage lights. He knocked them over onto me, giving me my first pro wrestling injury. I’d always thought that would happen in the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 18:02 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 132

You deserved it 2 724

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:37

i dont see how some moms can be like that deffo sucks

RustlingSoul 26

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:38

She should apologize for her "heated" attitude.

Comments

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:37

i dont see how some moms can be like that deffo sucks

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:59

Sounds like Ireland is a bad place.

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Friday 8 November 2013 3:02

while shes sleeping, get a bowl of boiling water and put her hand in it while she is sleeping so she will feel your pain and piss herself

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Friday 8 November 2013 3:25

Mommy dearest

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Friday 8 November 2013 3:29

Anybody else think #16 is going a little far with that?

stephhrunsaway 21

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Friday 8 November 2013 3:39

This sounds like something my mom would do. She once flogged me across my back for forgetting a homework assignment. I was 7 at the time...

SmuggletheBudgie 15

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Friday 8 November 2013 4:02

Ireland a bad place!? it is my number 1 travel destination if I had the money that is...

amDes 11

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Friday 8 November 2013 7:14

#34 while it looks nice, there are a lot of interesting aspects. I dated an Irish boy fresh of the boat and hung out with 15 of his friends who came with him. Let's just say every country has their issues and have different ways of living. The country is beautiful but I've heard my far share of stories.

SmuggletheBudgie 15

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Friday 8 November 2013 7:36

Yeah ive seen the fallout from the collapse of there building industry alot of Irish tradies milling around in Aus haha

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Friday 8 November 2013 11:20

16, you've replied to the first comment on a few FMLs and they're all downvoted. I live in Ireland and my mum would give out if I spilled, then ask am I ok.

evildemonchild 18

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Friday 8 November 2013 14:57

I saw it's even :3 errr or not ._.

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Friday 8 November 2013 18:16

That's a bit screwed up, #16

Teyros 24

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Friday 8 November 2013 20:13

@ 16 Why do you always involve Ireland in everything?

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Saturday 9 November 2013 1:57

Yeah I don't see how her mom went off like that. It's just water, get a damn mop! Then to not be concerned about her daughter's hand?! Yeah baby girl needs to move.

webslasher01 10

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Wednesday 13 November 2013 8:25

really? I'm pretty sure that was child abuse, but what do I know? I'm just a 14 year old boy who doesn't know whether or not he's manipulating people half the time

RustlingSoul 26

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:38

She should apologize for her "heated" attitude.

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Friday 8 November 2013 4:48

Holy crap, I thought I was the only one

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:38

oooo....BURN too soon? okay...

xxrogerthatxx 19

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:38

Stop spillin water on her marble floors!

misspulkadot24 17

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Friday 8 November 2013 9:24

I don't get why this is getting down voted. One time I was cutting up carrots and cut my finger. My mom got mad because the carrots were bloody and unusable. Maybe this mom is like mine..just has her priorities a little jumbled.

tpm45 25

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Friday 8 November 2013 12:16

I don't see why people get so mad about spilled water. It's easy to clean, won't leave ungodly stains unless you leave it there, and is fairly easy to replace.... Well.... Good luck with your mom, OP.

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Friday 8 November 2013 13:32

Dipshit!!

xxrogerthatxx 19

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Friday 8 November 2013 15:48

Thank you 55 for understanding, I wasn't saying that it's right, but I was just implying in a more of a sarcastic way that she probably just gets mad over her stuff!

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:40

Your mom sounds a little simmered. Perhaps you should give her some space, before she boils over.

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:43

What?! Are you calling OP's mom a teapot? I suppose you'll call her short and stout, or even suggest we tip her over and pour her out?

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:45

Don't be ridiculous, this isn't over till the fat lady sings!

Docbee 11

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Friday 8 November 2013 3:53

ff-f-ffaaaaLAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

CaiDog 20

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:42

Your mom needs to watch her hot temper before it boils over again. Otherwise things may get heated between you two.

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:42

At least your cheek matches the wonderful shade of red on your hand.

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:42

And the Irish sense of humor strikes again

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:43

Sounds like your mom was burning with anger!

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Friday 8 November 2013 2:43

moms. great one moment and then a bitch the next.

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Friday 8 November 2013 13:01

You mean Menopause point final

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 274