Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box...

By Anonymous - 9/5/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

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Miscellaneous

Toxic parents

Deep-seated resentment

Trip Advisor says no

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 08:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML

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By WearingOff - 3/8/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

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By Kaji - 14/11/2008 11:20 - France

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

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By sXeQueen - 13/3/2010 15:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was having a really bad day, so I decided to call him and try to calm him down. At one point, I thought it would be sweet to sing him a song since he claimed to love my voice. Before I could get half way through, he told me to shut up because I was getting on his nerves and just making things worse. FML

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By CharlieKearney - 10/1/2016 23:33 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, the guy I made out with on New Year's Eve finally called me. Too bad it was to blame me for the picture of us which someone had sent to his girlfriend. I never took a picture, and had no idea he was in a relationship. FML

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By pathetic - 20/8/2010 09:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

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By thedudeman14 - 5/11/2014 22:21 - United States - Deer Park

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 20:00

Today, I realized cigarettes are my cure for boredom. I bore myself out of $2000-plus a year. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 17:16 - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

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By seminole711 - 20/9/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for 20 minutes because of a football game. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 22:58 - United States

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2014 23:43 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my self-esteem hit rock bottom when I was intimidated by a 10-year-old. I'm 23. FML

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By Annon - 26/11/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

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By that was mine - 15/5/2015 22:26 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

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By urmommmm - 22/8/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

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By pinks - 2/9/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, when my son woke up from his nap, he sleepily reached up. I picked him up and gave him a big hug, and he immediately pushed me away. He wasn't reaching for me, he was reaching for the bag of chips on the table next to me. FML

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By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

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By Walker - 4/11/2009 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents, who are divorced, were arguing over who has to pay for my bus pass. They decided they wouldn't pay unless the other one did too. Neither will pay the £60 it'll cost for my bus pass. I now have to walk to school every day, in freezing winter weather. It's 9 miles. Each way. FML

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By Noname - 10/2/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

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By allocomrade - 29/7/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

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By nazirah4shizzle - 15/5/2015 19:54 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

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By waitingformyfoodstamps - 24/1/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, while at my parent's house I decided to take a shower. I had to use my sister's bathroom and once out, grabbed a comb from her cupboard to brush my hair. I then noticed the clumps of hair on my shoulders. It's a razor comb on one side, regular on the other. I used the wrong side. FML

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By Master Debater - 1/2/2013 11:05 - Australia

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

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By Angie - 24/3/2011 19:07 - South Africa

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

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By Squeak - 6/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Bragg

Poor Despereaux

Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2015 20:53 - United States

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

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By myself - 30/1/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

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By Drewzter - 11/1/2010 03:33 - United States

User manual

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

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By bigmikenyc - 15/7/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

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By anonymous - 5/9/2012 04:44 - Australia

Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2014 18:16 - United Kingdom - New Malden

Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2015 19:00 - United States - Bowler

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

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By hotpatata - 6/7/2012 15:03 - United States

Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML

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By published_anthropologist - 23/7/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I am working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML

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By kitty - 11/11/2012 10:10 - Australia

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

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Top comments

By starwind3438 | 9

#2481707 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:02

Wow, what an ungrateful bitch.

By Blueglasscup | 18

#2481755 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:07

Ouch. Marry him and then you can scream "WELL YOU'RE MY MOTHER IN-LAW NOW BITCH"... Actually don't do that.

COMMENTS

By starwind3438 | 9

#2481707 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:02

Wow, what an ungrateful bitch.

LoveCali | 0

#2481835 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:18

Agreed.

H3ALTHFR3AK | 0

#2481844 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:19

my answer for everything (as a Russian male) is, "beat her"

kingtz | 6

#2481873 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:26

Such a bitch. Would it kill her to say a simple "thank you"?

ILikeBigBoobs | 2

#2482142 - Monday 9 May 2011 13:36

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

kcluna | 6

#2482235 - Monday 9 May 2011 14:12

Poison the chocolate next time, sweetie!!

Jaimegirl | 7

#2482393 - Monday 9 May 2011 15:20

Agreed! You should have yanked the chocolate out of her hand and ran away! Haha

Creamysweeps | 5

#2482534 - Monday 9 May 2011 16:06

HAHAHAH 65

imacreeper | 3

#2482892 - Monday 9 May 2011 17:13

if thats her way of saying "I love you" then id hate to witness her way of saying "I hate you"

elite_stoner | 0

#2484477 - Monday 9 May 2011 21:41

agreeing with 49

RawrBunneh | 0

#2485927 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 1:15

66, how are your implants ?(;

spelly2650 | 0

#2486405 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 2:39

couldn't agree more!

rarr | 0

#2486518 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 2:59

That Clearly isnt actually her unless shes desprate for attention on the internet...

Gamzee_fml | 0

#2487095 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 4:40

Winning!

Jimster1712 | 0

#2488425 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 11:19

wow surgical implants much????

lunaXXdennice | 0

#2491544 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 4:14

I'd say 'bitch give me the chocolate u ain't keeping anything!' and give her a fake sweet smile and walk away

SunDropGirl | 0

#2496149 - Thursday 12 May 2011 2:01

1- my thoughts exactly!

lilmisslovely13 | 15

#2508398 - Saturday 14 May 2011 15:01

65- that would have been hilarious!!!!!!

LexxyLiime | 0

#2573816 - Friday 27 May 2011 15:51

154 is fuhaaaaakkkkkeeee ^.^

By LoonyKev | 0

#2481725 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:04

lol she's just playing wit u !! mind games yeah

fluffyrocka | 0

#2481743 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:06

In other words, she's mind f***Ing the shit out of you right now

KaanTech | 0

#2482032 - Monday 9 May 2011 13:12

not at all dude, more like fuck off little girl but i will keep chocklates as a trophy

KaanTech | 0

#2482046 - Monday 9 May 2011 13:15

*chocolate

fucking anti-flood protection

YOUNGMONEY4E | 0

#2487451 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 5:46

ur really stupid getta life u dickk

EvelynnG | 0

#3208488 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 2:37

140- maybe it's because your ugly that you're a being a b*tch, but just because he said that doesn't mean he's a dick. Kthanksbye.

Ultimate_Batman | 28

#6721993 - Tuesday 13 December 2016 2:23

That's a lot of downvotes

By Troll_Doll | 0

#2481745 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:06

Sounds like she'd be a Monster-In-Law.

hihi1212 | 1

#2482278 - Monday 9 May 2011 14:28

she is probably right tho....she osprobably just putting out...

hihi1212 | 1

#2482290 - Monday 9 May 2011 14:29

is probably**

DeLpHe3zY | 7

#2501478 - Friday 13 May 2011 7:38

Dude.. No lol.. just no

By abluekiwi | 0

#2481753 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:07

Marry the shit out of him.

cptmorgan15 | 2

#2482168 - Monday 9 May 2011 13:43

Then fuck the shit outta him on their kitchen table.

aeshleyrose | 6

#2482739 - Monday 9 May 2011 16:43

5 & 45 You're both geniuses. Extra points if she miscarries/comes on Mommy Dearest's spot at the table.

aardvarkish | 15

#2483838 - Monday 9 May 2011 19:09

not even worth it

snade | 0

#2486712 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:39

ORLY

cupcakeslayer | 0

#2489046 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 17:05

I was thinking that every time you see her in public from now on scream "go away your not my mommy!" and run off.

might be a little embarrassing for the op though.

ssuaxman | 0

#2494372 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 19:05

yes!

aimbug | 42

#6429419 - Thursday 8 October 2015 3:06

What the actual fuck? Extra points if she miscarries?

By Blueglasscup | 18

#2481755 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:07

Ouch. Marry him and then you can scream "WELL YOU'RE MY MOTHER IN-LAW NOW BITCH"... Actually don't do that.

nissanman_fml | 16

#2482847 - Monday 9 May 2011 17:07

37 - That's what he just said.

netherflame | 0

#2482876 - Monday 9 May 2011 17:12

No, he said shit. One does not simply marry the poop out of people into church, you know.

By Bekll | 30

#2481757 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:07

What'd you do for your OWN mother though?

WompWompWomp123 | 7

#2483023 - Monday 9 May 2011 17:48

sweetie pie, honey bunch -- that's not the point of this FML, mmk?

Melania890 | 9

#2484501 - Monday 9 May 2011 21:47

Her mom might be dead. But the point of the FML is that her boyfriends mom was a bitch.

Haydenob | 0

#2484682 - Monday 9 May 2011 22:33

she doesn't have a mother you jack ass hole

EnterNameHere001 | 5

#2487521 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 6:05

How the fuck should you know, shit for brains?

Bekll | 30

#2487577 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 6:15

if OP went through that much trouble just for her boyfriend's mother, then it's natural to wonder what she did for her own if anything at all. For that matter, did the son himself? You can't ignore your own mother on Mother's Day.

aimbug | 42

#6429422 - Thursday 8 October 2015 3:08

Maybe Op is a very kind person and did the same for both her mother and her boyfriend's mother.

By rockefoe | 6

#2481776 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:08

Bitch. It's a celebration of MOTHERS. doesn't have to be YOUR mother.

EffinToofer | 3

#2481808 - Monday 9 May 2011 12:12

Right! Just never get her a Mother's Day gift again, and if she ever asks why, say " You aren't my mother, and never will be. I'll keep your son, though!"