Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way...

By justash12 - 25/8/2013 09:13 - United States - Kearny

Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way out of the tent, I stepped in a pile of shit. When I told him, he said, "Oh, I couldn't make it to the bathroom last night." The bathroom was a minute walk from our tent. FML

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justash12 tells us more :

OP here following up with some details! I can not get the image of him crouching in front of the tent and taking a shit out of my head! Yes, it was a shitty situation. No, I haven't dumped him. Shoes were on! We were at a public campground, down the shore. The bathrooms have toilets, showers, sinks, and TP.

Love

Race against the clock

Not a cheating!

Non-baby fever

By kaplwv116 - 27/6/2011 01:08 - United States

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

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By Alyssa - 21/3/2012 01:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I paid $50 on a haircut. Halfway through, I realized the hair dresser was drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2013 05:24 - United States - Oakland

Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML

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By kfoehslfns - 1/8/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

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By AgentOrion - 29/8/2014 04:16 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

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By ineedalife - 2/2/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

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By Gracie - 24/5/2019 12:02

Today, I was having a cigarette in a smoking area when a mother with a pram strode towards me and exaggerated a cough to make some sort of point. Reluctantly, I put it out and walked off. I then turned around to see her lighting up a cigarette, and blowing smoke all over her baby. FML

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By bnc - 14/12/2013 22:39 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2009 03:34 - New Zealand

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 14:47 - United Kingdom

Today, we finally got our first electricity bill for our new flat. I was shocked to see that we had used £60 worth of electricity in 6 weeks. Then I noticed that it was only an estimate, and that we could read the meter ourselves to correct the amount. We now have to pay nearly £400. FML

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By heartless - 11/3/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

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By Concussed - 17/1/2010 06:22 - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

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By LucidNightmare - 27/1/2013 05:38 - United States - Englewood

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

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By daisyann - 15/7/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

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By neveragain89 - 6/1/2012 00:37 - Australia

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

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By sportyhusband - 20/1/2010 03:46 - United States

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

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By Gwayhir - 19/11/2008 04:58 - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

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By julieriis - 23/12/2015 18:03 - Denmark - Hals

Today, I was in a car accident, two days before Christmas. I'm now laying at home, not able to walk. My whole family thinks that I'm joking. A car drove over my foot, I'm not joking. FML

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By ItalianBabyDoll - 11/4/2020 14:00

Alexa, play "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings

Today, during my boyfriends birthday dinner, his father shouted, “Jessica, can you slice me a piece too?” My name isn’t Jessica and I’ve been in their family for over two years. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 02:35 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

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By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

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By sadness - 29/11/2010 18:58 - South Africa

Today, I went to see a psychiatrist for my depression and low self esteem. While in the waiting room, I overheard a guy telling his friend how ugly I am. FML

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By knife knife - 20/9/2016 00:38 - United Kingdom - Dalkeith

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

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By Wobblefat - 14/12/2016 13:16

Today, I was watching porn when I found a lookalike of my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She's attractive, so I enjoyed watching her getting it on by herself. Needless to say I did not finish as I saw another "lookalike" entering the room. I have now seen my brothers erect penis. FML

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By Noname - 18/2/2009 21:55 - United States

Today, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, I was looking at pictures she had of all the grandkids. All were normal graduation pictures etc. but mine was a cutout where she made me skinnier. FML

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By Zedscar - 15/7/2017 22:30 - United States - Martinsburg

Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML

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By icy - 6/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Prairieville

Not fair!

Today, I finally got a cable box for my TV. When I was connecting the cable, my tv fell and shattered the screen. FML

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By blowinchunks - 24/11/2009 06:00 - Canada

Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2013 20:39 - United States

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

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By Sleeping Beauty - 19/12/2015 19:20 - United States - Jamestown

Lookin' good

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

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By mags - 16/2/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2014 04:46 - United States - Diana

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

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By lonely - 5/2/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

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By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

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By princessj - 16/10/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2012 23:16 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 04:41 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

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Top comments

By Tall_Enough | 10

#5643175 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

that's a long walk for a man who has to poop!

By Welshite | 39

#5643176 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

He was just afraid of all the bears and lions which frequent the camp at night. It's a perfectly valid excuse.

COMMENTS

By Tall_Enough | 10

#5643175 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

that's a long walk for a man who has to poop!

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5643206 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:10

yea, sounds like a shitty situation for OP, but what can you doodoo when dootie calls

tacojauns | 45

#5643221 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:22

#23 CONGRATULATIONS you get the crappiest overused comment on this FML award! what are you going to do now?

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5643276 - Sunday 25 August 2013 18:00

wait for the thumbs down parade to begin?

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5643364 - Sunday 25 August 2013 19:29

A longer walk If he has diarrea

By Welshite | 39

#5643176 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

He was just afraid of all the bears and lions which frequent the camp at night. It's a perfectly valid excuse.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5643202 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:09

There's no lions at Wild Wood, but there are some people off that cast of Jersey Shore, and they're 10 times more frightening than a bear.

Enslaved | 36

#5643207 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:11

Oh my! you forgot to mention the tigers. (:

Welshite | 39

#5643213 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:17

Tigers, lions, and bears (oh my) would be too cliche. I chose Winnie and Alex because they are pretty much harmless. Tigger is a vicious man-eater. I mean, have you seen the way he bounces? He can pounce on you without a hint of warning!

Enslaved | 36

#5643241 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:32

And spill your hunny pot! ):

Ummmm let's not forget the vicious Liger!

By Fireashes250 | 16

#5643178 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

Make him use poison ivy for toilet paper next time.

By FALLENSEBZERO | 16

#5643179 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

Duty called.

By JustBeingAwesome | 22

#5643180 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

Damn..Hope you had you your shoes on

JustBeingAwesome | 22

#5643185 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:59

Had your*

richiedbond | 16

#5643599 - Monday 26 August 2013 1:23

Got to disagree. If she was barefoot it is much easier to wash off. Way more disgusting but still, easier to clean.

By ForwardUn2Dawn | 18

#5643181 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:57

I'm sure you'll find a way to get him back. Piss in his sleeping bag?
By the way, puns incoming.

Elong8600 | 9

#5643191 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:01

Sounds like a...

perdix | 29

#5643201 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:05

. . .

*Lowers sunglasses*

. . .

HeartOfLead | 24

#5643216 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:20

... Shitty...

DrownedMyFish | 18

#5643223 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:23

....Situation

Wizardo | 33

#5643234 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:29

...NOOO!!!

perdix | 29

#5643237 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:30

#37, no, it's, "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

ForwardUn2Dawn | 18

#5643240 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:31

Why I love FML ^^^

NightHawk387 | 22

#5643382 - Sunday 25 August 2013 19:41

Congrats on finding the only acceptable way to use that comment. That was really funny. *Tips hat*

By LowExpectations | 30

#5643182 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:58

He ate something that didn't agree with him? Wow, sorry to hear that OP.

emilyjgraham | 34

#5643454 - Sunday 25 August 2013 20:41

He needed to poop. Have you honestly never had a sudden urge? It doesn't always mean dodgy food.

LowExpectations | 30

#5643480 - Sunday 25 August 2013 21:16

I know, but he barely made it out the tent. Unless he went feral for a moment I'm hoping it was food poisoning.

emilyjgraham | 34

#5653898 - Sunday 1 September 2013 21:20

Seriously, surely I'm not the only one who has honestly had such an urge it's a fecking race against time to get to the loo? Sorry, for being so disgusting but when you gotta go you GOT TO GO! Plus if he'd been sleeping and the urge came on he probably had even less time to go...