Love: Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way...

By justash12 - United States - Kearny

Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way out of the tent, I stepped in a pile of shit. When I told him, he said, "Oh, I couldn't make it to the bathroom last night." The bathroom was a minute walk from our tent. FML

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justash12 tells us more :

OP here following up with some details! I can not get the image of him crouching in front of the tent and taking a shit out of my head! Yes, it was a shitty situation. No, I haven't dumped him. Shoes were on! We were at a public campground, down the shore. The bathrooms have toilets, showers, sinks, and TP.

Love

Season finale

That took a dark turn…

Revelations

By Screamslikeagirl - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

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By mauimango7 - United States

Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

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By jcdc - United States - Georgetown

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

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By why - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

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By Clorpy

#priceless

Today, I was at the Kings Avalanche game in Denver. Anže Kopitar scored a hat trick and people threw hats in. Someone ripped my own hat off my head and tossed it on the ice. It was a gift from my dead grandparents with my name stitched onto it. I’ve had it for 15 years. FML

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By jam - Australia

Today, I received a parking fine for $147. My car isn't even worth that much. FML

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By eternal

Today, while at the drive-thru at Sonic, they told me they were out of mozzarella sticks. I shed actual tears. I’m not even pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

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By helpme - United States - Irvine

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

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By Zannanana

Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML

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By yeah - United States

Nightmare

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. In Walmart. Over the loudspeaker. FML

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By taintedlover - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Modesto

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

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By alissa_roar - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

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42677

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By robincakes94 - United States

Today, I went to a nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the elderly. They threw their bananas at me. FML

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30643

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By bear92 - United States

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

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By emmey - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

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By Lindsay - United States

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

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By waterdog - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

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By Derps - Denmark

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

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By no, YOU raised him - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2020 17:00

Social distancing done right

Today, my girlfriend of two and half years broke up with me because I'm no longer able to give her the physical attention she needs. I live 4 hours away and we have been this way for almost a year. She found another guy to do it behind my back. FML

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By Cornbreesha - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

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By stolen - United States

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

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By pissedchick

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We're in the middle of nowhere and have a 4-hour drive home. FML

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1791

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By not a phobe - 16/7/2020 08:02

Misunderstood

Today, my son told our whole family and all our friends that I kicked him out for being gay. I kicked him out because on more than one occasion he got drunk and sneaked random men in the house while he was supposed to be watching his younger siblings while I worked nights. They believed him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

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27802

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By toomuchwork

Today, as I was leaving for a 2-week vacation after working my ass off for 2 years, my area manager handed me a project. It's a 3-week job, and he told me he needs it when I get back. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

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54287

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By Anonymous - Australia

Bored

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

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By fmlsomuch - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

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55398

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By ilovemypup

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

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By InTheDoghouse23 - United States

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

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17795

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By Anonymous - Australia - Clayton

Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on the job. After his mom finally got home 4 hours later, he called her a slut. When he got in trouble for it, he claimed that I taught him the word. Needless to say, I didn't get paid. FML

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14936

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By BrokeAndPsst - United States

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

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By fml_anon - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

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Top comments

By Tall_Enough | 10

#5643175 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

that's a long walk for a man who has to poop!

By Welshite | 39

#5643176 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

He was just afraid of all the bears and lions which frequent the camp at night. It's a perfectly valid excuse.

COMMENTS

By Tall_Enough | 10

#5643175 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

that's a long walk for a man who has to poop!

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5643206 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:10

yea, sounds like a shitty situation for OP, but what can you doodoo when dootie calls

tacojauns | 45

#5643221 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:22

#23 CONGRATULATIONS you get the crappiest overused comment on this FML award! what are you going to do now?

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5643276 - Sunday 25 August 2013 18:00

wait for the thumbs down parade to begin?

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5643364 - Sunday 25 August 2013 19:29

A longer walk If he has diarrea

By Welshite | 39

#5643176 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

He was just afraid of all the bears and lions which frequent the camp at night. It's a perfectly valid excuse.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5643202 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:09

There's no lions at Wild Wood, but there are some people off that cast of Jersey Shore, and they're 10 times more frightening than a bear.

Enslaved | 36

#5643207 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:11

Oh my! you forgot to mention the tigers. (:

Welshite | 39

#5643213 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:17

Tigers, lions, and bears (oh my) would be too cliche. I chose Winnie and Alex because they are pretty much harmless. Tigger is a vicious man-eater. I mean, have you seen the way he bounces? He can pounce on you without a hint of warning!

Enslaved | 36

#5643241 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:32

And spill your hunny pot! ):

Ummmm let's not forget the vicious Liger!

By Fireashes250 | 16

#5643178 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

Make him use poison ivy for toilet paper next time.

By FALLENSEBZERO | 16

#5643179 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

Duty called.

By JustBeingAwesome | 22

#5643180 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

Damn..Hope you had you your shoes on

JustBeingAwesome | 22

#5643185 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:59

Had your*

richiedbond | 16

#5643599 - Monday 26 August 2013 1:23

Got to disagree. If she was barefoot it is much easier to wash off. Way more disgusting but still, easier to clean.

By ForwardUn2Dawn | 18

#5643181 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:57

I'm sure you'll find a way to get him back. Piss in his sleeping bag?
By the way, puns incoming.

Elong8600 | 9

#5643191 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:01

Sounds like a...

perdix | 29

#5643201 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:05

. . .

*Lowers sunglasses*

. . .

HeartOfLead | 24

#5643216 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:20

... Shitty...

DrownedMyFish | 18

#5643223 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:23

....Situation

Wizardo | 33

#5643234 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:29

...NOOO!!!

perdix | 29

#5643237 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:30

#37, no, it's, "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

ForwardUn2Dawn | 18

#5643240 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:31

Why I love FML ^^^

NightHawk387 | 22

#5643382 - Sunday 25 August 2013 19:41

Congrats on finding the only acceptable way to use that comment. That was really funny. *Tips hat*

By LowExpectations | 30

#5643182 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:58

He ate something that didn't agree with him? Wow, sorry to hear that OP.

emilyjgraham | 34

#5643454 - Sunday 25 August 2013 20:41

He needed to poop. Have you honestly never had a sudden urge? It doesn't always mean dodgy food.

LowExpectations | 30

#5643480 - Sunday 25 August 2013 21:16

I know, but he barely made it out the tent. Unless he went feral for a moment I'm hoping it was food poisoning.

emilyjgraham | 34

#5653898 - Sunday 1 September 2013 21:20

Seriously, surely I'm not the only one who has honestly had such an urge it's a fecking race against time to get to the loo? Sorry, for being so disgusting but when you gotta go you GOT TO GO! Plus if he'd been sleeping and the urge came on he probably had even less time to go...