Love: Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way...

By justash12 - United States - Kearny

Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way out of the tent, I stepped in a pile of shit. When I told him, he said, "Oh, I couldn't make it to the bathroom last night." The bathroom was a minute walk from our tent. FML

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justash12 tells us more :

OP here following up with some details! I can not get the image of him crouching in front of the tent and taking a shit out of my head! Yes, it was a shitty situation. No, I haven't dumped him. Shoes were on! We were at a public campground, down the shore. The bathrooms have toilets, showers, sinks, and TP.

Love

BO Central

This Charming Man

Dicks aplenty!

By Noname - United States

Today, I marked the 6th anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, my family went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant. While we were eating our food, my grandma demanded to see the manager, and loudly complained that her fish was "too fishy". FML

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By harrysolo - United States

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, my pet bunny died. My little sister is distraught and practically suicidal, because apparently she playfully pointed a wand at it a few days ago and said "avada kedavra". She's absolutely convinced that she killed it. FML

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By lpilou - France

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Today, I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting. Her parents own it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

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By nicki - United States

Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked a coworker if she would cover for me on Easter because I want to spend it with my 3 year old daughter. She said no because she wants to spend Easter with her kids, too. She doesn't have kids. FML

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By Mojo - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

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By Couch Potato - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I slept on the couch last night. She also seems to have forgotten that we had an argument last night, after which she stormed into our bedroom and locked me out. FML

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By HereToLaughAtU - United States - Des Moines

Wait, what?

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

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By anonymouss - United States

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

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By katgib13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

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By spockswifey - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me. In the most sincere and honest tone, he said "if I ever have or ever will, there's no way you would ever find out. I love you too much to lose you", and gave me a hug. FML

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By Person15 - United States

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Tatamagouche

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

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By Rachael - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Moonee Ponds

Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML

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By Damn

Today, I applied online for a position and typed, "OH&S Certificate." It autocorrected to, "OH&SHIT Certificate." I didn't notice until the site e-mailed me a copy of my completed application. They'd already received it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I took my 6-year-old son to visit his grandmother, as the doctors say she only has days left to live. Minutes after we arrived, he leaned in close and told her that she's going to hell. FML

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By coppervains - United States - Livonia

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2021 15:30 - United States - Toledo

Sunshine of my life

Today, while watching a news clip about NASA's Mars helicopter, Ingenuity, my wife asked me if Mars has a sun. She was serious. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

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By Fairymyass - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

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By sourcandy013 - United States

Today, my 11 year old sister deleted me off Facebook because I'm not "cool enough" to be seen on her profile. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

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By pinkrazrgirl247 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

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By PmS - United States

Today, I was going over to my friends house for dinner, (it was my birthday) when I walked in everyone yelled surprise and then turned on the lights. When my friend looked over at me she said "wrong person guys, turn off the lights". FML

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By msjustine - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

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By emie0209 - United States

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that wont work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

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By ALLALA - Canada

Today, my husband and I were watching TV. An info-mercial came on for a diamond cross necklace that had the lord's prayer engraved inside of it. As the commercial ended I said, "who in their right mind would actually buy that?" Turns out, my husband would, for our anniversary. FML

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By Kika - France

Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

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By runescapeftw - United States

Today, the police called and told me that they had Alex in custody. Apparently, she had public sex with another woman and wants me to come bail her out. Alex is my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2021 14:02

Where's my anvil?

Today, my roommate placed something on a shelf I put up, and the whole thing came crashing down. It's been fine for 2 years and now the shelf decides to break? Yeah right, dude. FML

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By jobless

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

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By boo8713 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

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By CDeVeney92 - United States

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

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Top comments

By Tall_Enough | 10

#5643175 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

that's a long walk for a man who has to poop!

By Welshite | 39

#5643176 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

He was just afraid of all the bears and lions which frequent the camp at night. It's a perfectly valid excuse.

COMMENTS

By Tall_Enough | 10

#5643175 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

that's a long walk for a man who has to poop!

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5643206 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:10

yea, sounds like a shitty situation for OP, but what can you doodoo when dootie calls

tacojauns | 45

#5643221 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:22

#23 CONGRATULATIONS you get the crappiest overused comment on this FML award! what are you going to do now?

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5643276 - Sunday 25 August 2013 18:00

wait for the thumbs down parade to begin?

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5643364 - Sunday 25 August 2013 19:29

A longer walk If he has diarrea

By Welshite | 39

#5643176 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

He was just afraid of all the bears and lions which frequent the camp at night. It's a perfectly valid excuse.

CallMeMcFeelii | 13

#5643202 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:09

There's no lions at Wild Wood, but there are some people off that cast of Jersey Shore, and they're 10 times more frightening than a bear.

Enslaved | 36

#5643207 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:11

Oh my! you forgot to mention the tigers. (:

Welshite | 39

#5643213 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:17

Tigers, lions, and bears (oh my) would be too cliche. I chose Winnie and Alex because they are pretty much harmless. Tigger is a vicious man-eater. I mean, have you seen the way he bounces? He can pounce on you without a hint of warning!

Enslaved | 36

#5643241 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:32

And spill your hunny pot! ):

Ummmm let's not forget the vicious Liger!

By Fireashes250 | 16

#5643178 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

Make him use poison ivy for toilet paper next time.

By FALLENSEBZERO | 16

#5643179 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

Duty called.

By JustBeingAwesome | 22

#5643180 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:56

Damn..Hope you had you your shoes on

JustBeingAwesome | 22

#5643185 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:59

Had your*

richiedbond | 16

#5643599 - Monday 26 August 2013 1:23

Got to disagree. If she was barefoot it is much easier to wash off. Way more disgusting but still, easier to clean.

By ForwardUn2Dawn | 18

#5643181 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:57

I'm sure you'll find a way to get him back. Piss in his sleeping bag?
By the way, puns incoming.

Elong8600 | 9

#5643191 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:01

Sounds like a...

perdix | 29

#5643201 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:05

. . .

*Lowers sunglasses*

. . .

HeartOfLead | 24

#5643216 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:20

... Shitty...

DrownedMyFish | 18

#5643223 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:23

....Situation

Wizardo | 33

#5643234 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:29

...NOOO!!!

perdix | 29

#5643237 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:30

#37, no, it's, "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

ForwardUn2Dawn | 18

#5643240 - Sunday 25 August 2013 17:31

Why I love FML ^^^

NightHawk387 | 22

#5643382 - Sunday 25 August 2013 19:41

Congrats on finding the only acceptable way to use that comment. That was really funny. *Tips hat*

By LowExpectations | 30

#5643182 - Sunday 25 August 2013 16:58

He ate something that didn't agree with him? Wow, sorry to hear that OP.

emilyjgraham | 34

#5643454 - Sunday 25 August 2013 20:41

He needed to poop. Have you honestly never had a sudden urge? It doesn't always mean dodgy food.

LowExpectations | 30

#5643480 - Sunday 25 August 2013 21:16

I know, but he barely made it out the tent. Unless he went feral for a moment I'm hoping it was food poisoning.

emilyjgraham | 34

#5653898 - Sunday 1 September 2013 21:20

Seriously, surely I'm not the only one who has honestly had such an urge it's a fecking race against time to get to the loo? Sorry, for being so disgusting but when you gotta go you GOT TO GO! Plus if he'd been sleeping and the urge came on he probably had even less time to go...