Work: Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset... - FML

By T. - 30/09/2010 14:07 - Australia

Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset my password for a website we use. To do so, I had to answer the secret question I’d set two years prior. The question was "What is your favorite activity?" The answer I had to type out in front of my manager was "Drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 318

You deserved it 35 512

Hiding from the drama

Compromises

Leave me out of it

By candymansvan17 - 17/08/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 389

You deserved it 3 220

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 373

You deserved it 4 639

By secret - 14/02/2015 14:10 - United States - Ashford

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 678

You deserved it 2 216

By superb12345 - 12/05/2016 02:50 - United States - Cascade

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 340

You deserved it 911

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 18:59 - Norway

Today, I had two minutes to get to the bus stop which usually takes me eight minutes. I had to catch that bus to be at work at the hospital in time. I was in such a hurry, I didn't have the time to tie my shoe laces. I ran with untied shoe laces. I did end up in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 493

You deserved it 14 927

By TMI - 05/08/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 557

You deserved it 6 363

By Anonymous - 25/12/2014 21:00 - United States

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 075

You deserved it 2 603

By garrett - 14/02/2019 15:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 390

You deserved it 4 764

By annoymous - 07/02/2017 06:00 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it was the first time I was meeting my guy's parents. Turns out he forgot it was his mum's birthday and I ended up having to meet his whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 606

You deserved it 715

By goingdownhillfast - 12/04/2017 02:00

Today, after getting her "out-of-office" email, I realized that my coworker is on vacation this week. We're doing our final presentation for a major project on Thursday, and she hasn't finished her part. I guess I won't be sleeping this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 302

You deserved it 297

By gnofin - 22/03/2016 21:23 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, and the trunk lid hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 461

You deserved it 2 993

With friends like these…

By MaySheRestinPeace - 06/03/2020 15:00

Today, a friend asked me to cover his shift at work because his grandmother died. Like any decent friend, I obliged. Later, after leaving, I walked by a bar and saw him inside, laughing and doing shots with all of our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 15:37 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 994

You deserved it 2 654

By Taylor - 20/07/2012 18:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 290

You deserved it 3 717

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 52 943

By Anonymous - 31/05/2014 07:24 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 643

You deserved it 4 041

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 125

You deserved it 52 297

By sucker - 06/01/2011 03:55 - Canada

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 867

You deserved it 4 212

By yay! - 08/11/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 759

You deserved it 32 212

By Anonymous - 29/05/2016 15:15 - Denmark

Today, I decided to make the switch from pads to tampons. My boyfriend ended up having to show me how to apply them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 3 578

By caswell 1 - 28/02/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 444

You deserved it 13 176

By billy - 31/03/2015 10:54 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 870

You deserved it 5 359

By Anonymous - 20/04/2015 14:45 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I had a theatre performance. I had to put on a lot of makeup for the role, and one of the guys said I looked nice. I smiled and said thanks. Seconds later, I'd been sucker-punched by his girlfriend for "flirting" with her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 315

You deserved it 2 214

By birthdaygirl - 11/03/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 037

You deserved it 15 110

By HereKittyKitty - 01/12/2013 20:27 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 801

You deserved it 2 873

By Thithien1 - 01/04/2009 06:07 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 749

You deserved it 12 613

By Why - 18/12/2018 05:00

Today, I finally went to have blood taken for an allergy test I really need. Afterwards, I had an allergic reaction to the bandaid they used on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I covered for my friend at work because he said he was having car troubles and was going to be late. Two hours into the shift, I got a call from my roommate asking why my girlfriend had moved out. Turns out, I'd covered my friend's shift so he could help my girlfriend move out behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 039

You deserved it 3 261

By Anonymous - 25/01/2019 20:00

Today, I called 911 and got taken to hospital via ambulance after a suicide attempt. When I called my mom, the first thing she asked was, "How much is the ambulance going to cost?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 801

You deserved it 956

By popeye - 25/02/2010 15:18 - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 047

You deserved it 5 332

By an unlucky man - 05/08/2016 09:37 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 890

You deserved it 3 079

By P4ntless - 26/10/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 546

You deserved it 41 254

By Wtf - 03/11/2015 22:06

Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 692

You deserved it 3 482

Captive

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 20:00

Today, while eating dinner, my girlfriend looked at me, smiled and said, "I can't tell if this is love or Stockholm Syndrome, but either way I'm happy." I'm not sure what to make of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 187

By grammarnazi-forareason - 03/07/2013 06:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 519

You deserved it 3 737

By Tyto - 03/03/2017 14:00 - United States - Lewes

Today, I learned that the only reason my girlfriend stayed with me is because I drove us to school every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 852

You deserved it 573

You Sexty Thing

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 06:53 - United States - Prairie City

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend is upset with me for not wanting to sext. I can't sext with her because she adds "lol" to everything, which turns me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 025

You deserved it 6 553

By kiwibox - 26/10/2013 01:50 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 017

You deserved it 7 112

Box of magic

By itchy itches - 23/08/2020 05:05 - United States

Today, my neighbor brought home a box of kittens he found in the park. Instead of calling animal control, he decided to keep them. Besides the incessant meowing throughout the day and night, a massive horde of fleas decided to migrate through his light sockets and into my nice clean apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 229

By ELLI - 02/10/2017 04:30

Today, all of my friends showed up an hour late for my 18th birthday party because they decided to go get dinner without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 280

You deserved it 260

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Top comments

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:16

So...? Managers can have a sense of humor too. At least the answer wasn't "secret butt sex with a hamster"

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:15

I always forget my answers to secret questions. I'm that creative. -sigh-

Comments

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:15

funny

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Thursday 30 September 2010 20:23

Not funny. Boring.

tweetbaby14 18

Thursday 30 September 2010 20:40

and this is an fml because you enjoy drinking? that's pretty lame... if you don't like it change dur. *YDI*

KingDingALing 9

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Thursday 30 September 2010 21:02

You really do deserve it, OP. It would be alright to do that for something outside of work but not for your work...

Marvin_Android 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 21:46

Sounds platitudinous. At least you have a favorite activity. Do you know what mine is? None. All any activity serves to do is depress me further. Here I am, witha brain the size of a planet, and I never get the opportunity to put it to use. When I do it on my own, I invariably depress myself even more. Oh, God, I'm so depressed. Life. Don't talk to me about life.

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Thursday 30 September 2010 22:30

Why do people keep rating this copy/paste spam comment up? You're more annoying than legonut.

Marvin_Android 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 0:32

Sorry if I'm bringing you down. However, I think it's better for me to inform you of the futility of anything you do now, rather than for you to discover it on your own and waste years of effort. That would just be dreadful, much like anything else in life. Life. Don't talk to me about life.

Fluffyninja666 3

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Friday 1 October 2010 1:28

Marvin_Android needs to learn how to stfu.

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Friday 1 October 2010 6:12

It could have been worse.. imagine it would be "masturbating" not an FML

garrettjordan 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 8:08

at least it wasn't sex I can imagine the creepy look on his face when he asks wanna go for a drink

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:15

I always forget my answers to secret questions. I'm that creative. -sigh-

bellaxmonkeyx_fml 8

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:29

I have the saaaaame problem. Say, you're awfully adept for being a hybrid kitten/frog.

FirstBornUnicorn 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:37

whatever the secret question is, I always just put my name.

marc_with_a_c 3

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:42

yeah me too cause I almost always use the same password everywhere, so I don't really need secret questions.. and when I do need them for some reason or another, I never remember what I set the answer to :/

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:16

So...? Managers can have a sense of humor too. At least the answer wasn't "secret butt sex with a hamster"

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Friday 1 October 2010 4:48

lmao, I know right?

kriptonite_fml 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 9:16

or masturbation, jacking off, or fuckingmy managerslife

FTC_Socialist 3

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:17

Hey, it's mine too! What are the odds? =P

spzb 3

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:21

lol. Am I the only one who uses the "who is your favorite author question?" Bunch of boozers.

bellaxmonkeyx_fml 8

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:34

Unfortunately, i have an extensive list of favorite authors which renders me incapable of using said question.

spzb 3

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Thursday 30 September 2010 23:28

I also like many different authors. When I have to answer the question I just go through my list until I find the right one. It's not that hard and I know the question would be hard for anyone else to answer. :/

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:21

totally thought itd be sex or crossdressing...thatd be way worse haha

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:22

At least it wasn't masturbating.

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:23

At least it wasn't cum guzziling

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:24

well at least it wasn't masturbating

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:29

So what? Drinking isn't bad.

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Monday 14 January 2019 19:46

No, but drinking alcohol is.

NitroTonicsFML 4

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:29

Your manager might like that activity too.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 104

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 289