Miscellaneous: Today, I was playing basketball, and while trying to jump and...

By Tanny - 19/04/2017 04:00

Today, I was playing basketball, and while trying to jump and shoot, I farted on the face of the person behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 606

You deserved it 628

Miscellaneous

Triage

The smell detective is on the case

Slow moving accident

Economic abuse

By whyme - 16/05/2021 20:01

Today, I got my first tattoo. I felt good about it, until I told my mom, who was not happy. She responded by taking me out of her car insurance policy, family plan, and charging me for rent every month since I, "wanna be all grown up now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 613

By hahahaha090114 - 30/01/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 078

You deserved it 3 003

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 12:50 - United States - Ontario

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 737

You deserved it 2 608

Tact

By FalkensLabyrinth - 03/02/2021 19:57 - United States - Gardner

Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 170

By Never Again - 09/08/2016 18:17 - United States - Riverhead

Today, I went to collect my clothes out of the dryer. Thinking it would be fun for my small dog, I brought her with me. I put her down and let her sniff around while I put my clean clothes in a basket. I turned around from putting more clothes in the dyer to catch her peeing in my clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 296

You deserved it 4 248

By Jessie - 23/02/2009 08:08 - United States

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 217

You deserved it 3 512

By anonymous - 31/03/2015 16:47 - United States - Denver

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 774

You deserved it 2 705

By everfresh - 26/01/2011 10:38 - Finland

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 111

You deserved it 3 805

Are you sure?

By Anonymous - 22/12/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 171

You deserved it 3 708

By catguy - 19/08/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 561

You deserved it 3 779

Nutfirecracker

By Akashi - 22/07/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 388

By Blondegirl - 07/11/2009 12:55 - United States

Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 731

You deserved it 5 282

By Anonymous - 16/02/2013 00:39 - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 721

You deserved it 3 745

By scarred - 22/10/2009 12:30 - France

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 011

You deserved it 3 225

By Marine - 28/03/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of over a year a text message telling him how much I loved him, how perfect he is for me and what I love about him. He sent me back a text saying, "I thought you had class." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 198

You deserved it 8 472

By JustAGiftCardPlease - 16/06/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 974

You deserved it 3 807

By Emma-Louise - 20/05/2011 19:46 - France

Today, the only positive thing my ex boyfriend left me was my pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 283

You deserved it 14 302

Between a rock and a not-so-hard place

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 23:01

Today, I found out that the pills my doctor prescribed for my ED cause severe side effects and I have to stop taking them. So much for my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 101

By camzzz - 02/07/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 152

You deserved it 47 497

By Aliiiice - 16/07/2013 13:18 - France - Offranville

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 610

You deserved it 35 838

By Noname - 10/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 92 059

Cartoon villain

By get tf over it! - 30/06/2020 20:02

Today, I had a Skype interview for a wonderful new job. I was calm, cool and ready to land it. But just like in a bad movie, the interviewer ended up being the creepy guy I turned down repeatedly in high school and in our 20s. He smirked and told me I could continue, but it would be pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 680

You deserved it 653

By j - 14/08/2011 03:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 591

You deserved it 56 791

By Iron11 - 14/06/2016 20:52

Today, I had a date with a girl I've liked for a while. We went out to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. I was obviously going to pay, but when the bill came I realized I'd forgotten my wallet. When I told her, she thought I was a cheap liar and now she won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 685

You deserved it 4 356

By Crochocinco85 - 13/03/2014 11:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 613

You deserved it 6 418

Reverse Uno card

By BlackCheetah101 - 04/11/2009 06:51 - Australia

Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 364

You deserved it 9 873

By Anonymous - 09/12/2014 18:29

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 714

You deserved it 6 088

By Username - 13/05/2011 08:13

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 772

You deserved it 6 696

By Dirty - 23/02/2017 08:00 - Canada

Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 276

You deserved it 535

By alo1434 - 23/06/2011 08:54 - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 516

You deserved it 3 305

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 20:30 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I came home upset about the sexism in my work place. I just wanted to be alone, but my husband insisted we talk about it. I noticed he kept looking over and one of his hands was moving. He was playing video games the entire time I was spilling my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 175

Give me strength

By Michael - 05/02/2021 21:30 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 901

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 16:01 - United States - Port Townsend

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 352

You deserved it 11 964

By unwanted - 24/12/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 3 675

By i.ask.you.how. - 12/07/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 569

You deserved it 20 545

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 08:30 - United States - Evergreen

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 467

You deserved it 23 010

Blood sausage

By it should hurt to be that dumb! - 22/10/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, I had to fire a line cook. While walking through the kitchen, I noticed a cut on his hand. When I demanded to know why it wasn’t bandaged and gloved, he scoffed and said "Real men don’t need that shit! Bandaids are for pussies!” Who knows how much of the kitchen this moron contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 57

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 09:54 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 875

You deserved it 2 459

BIKES!

By Jjay08 - 26/04/2016 21:17 - United States - Miles City

Today, I discovered a purple BMX bike abandoned in my front yard. I wondered why it was there, until I looked over to discover that my own bike had been stolen. I guess they liked mine better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 595

You deserved it 1 120

By Anonymous - 07/03/2011 05:38 - United Kingdom

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 495

You deserved it 12 868

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arandomperson97 18

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 4:29

You're supposed to pass the ball, not gas, OP.

Druu 53

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 5:14

AIR BALL!

arandomperson97 18

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 4:29

You're supposed to pass the ball, not gas, OP.

Gngr_Grl 26

Wednesday 19 April 2017 5:00

Off the rim.

Druu 53

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 5:14

AIR BALL!

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 5:22

That's a perfect rump shot!

Sweet Tabatha 6

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 8:18

love this?

LennyComa 39

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 8:35

That shows a good rear defence....I'll show myself out

Tomantio 4

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 8:35

talk about a rim job

Lobby_Bee 17

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 8:50

Did that extra boost made you jump higher?

Kiku_Rukia 2

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 10:06

his life sucks, not yours

thunderniron 22

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Wednesday 19 April 2017 11:09

That would be more like their life sucks. ?

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 79

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 44

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