Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed... - FML

By Anonymous - 8/5/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

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Gas giant

No justice

The end of the road

By fml boy - 25/3/2019 02:00

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2019 16:00

Today, the guy I've been talking to for two months told me he hooked up with a girl last night, before blocking me on everything. I also was with him last night. FML

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By insertfoothere - 18/7/2009 11:26 - United States

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2013 20:09 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2015 01:43 - United States - Richmond

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2015 21:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

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By NotThatButton - 11/9/2015 01:59 - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By Oja1 - 16/12/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

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By - 5/1/2020 03:00

Long thought

Today, I was on the toilet and jumped when I saw a face at the window. It was my own reflection. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2013 07:28 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

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By Username - 14/4/2011 06:59

Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML

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By Kitten - 19/6/2018 15:00

Everyone's a Critic

Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML

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By Nonbikerbiker - 8/12/2018 22:00

Today, while enjoying a nice drive on my motorcycle, I got into an accident. I was lucky to have minor injuries, but my bike was totaled. When I got home, I found the driver of the car that hit me sitting in my living room. My partner introduced us by saying, “and this is my gay lover, grandpa.” FML

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By RetailRage - 10/8/2015 12:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job working retail, I had just finished cleaning and straightening a whole aisle. This kid watched me do the whole thing. When I was done, he stuck his arm out, and ran it down the whole shelf, knocking everything off it. His mother just grabbed his hand and walked away. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2015 20:28 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML

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By fuck you right back, cockspit - 14/2/2014 21:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

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By Pat - 22/9/2020 04:01 - United States - Buffalo

New relations

Today, I found out my newly-divorced father is now going to marry my girlfriend's mother. Tough situation here. FML

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By [email protected] - 25/2/2009 07:42 - Canada

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2012 10:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I got really bored at work. I decided to spin myself around and around in my chair until I got really dizzy. Apparently my boss decided to start watching me do this while I was in mid-spin. FML

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By fuck fof and die dad - 20/11/2014 19:48 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

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By cinemasaddo - 25/9/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

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By Noname - 15/2/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

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By chumleevil - 8/7/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

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By epic174 - 7/10/2014 22:15 - United States

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

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By uwotm8 - 24/5/2015 00:58 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML

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By LadyLola - 25/11/2013 05:22 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2015 22:07 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

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By anon - 18/3/2011 12:36

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

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By Sonofa - 17/5/2013 15:52 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

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By eww657 - 16/12/2009 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

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By anonymous - 24/4/2012 18:18 - United States

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

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By erockinthesuburb - 19/2/2013 01:49 - United States

Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML

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By A. - 14/10/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

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By really? - 1/9/2015 19:43 - United States

Today, I got a notice from the housing association, if I don't water my lawn I will be charged a $150 fine. Yet if I do water my lawn the city with charge me a $150 fine because of the drought. FML

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By yuck - 15/11/2011 14:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML

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By Sam - 8/12/2017 01:30

Party for One!

Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML

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By embarrassedmom - 18/5/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

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Top comments

By plethora | 3

#179355 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:18

This sounds suspiciously similar to another FML from about a week back.

And not to repeat the comments from that one, but why would you run faster? You're meant to run slower. Bay Watch-style.

By Jimboom | 11

#179358 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

Well. Not exactly what you wanted but you did get some ball to face action. ;-)

And besides, not really a FML as they likely paid you more attention from that then if the ball hadn't come your way at all.

COMMENTS

By plethora | 3

#179355 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:18

This sounds suspiciously similar to another FML from about a week back.

And not to repeat the comments from that one, but why would you run faster? You're meant to run slower. Bay Watch-style.

Reply

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1364194 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:02

fake!!! it's impossible 4 a basketball 2 fly up there unless they directly threw it at u. FAKE.

Reply

alexg823 | 0

#2622861 - Sunday 5 June 2011 7:43

I know right? Like a BOSS!

By Jimboom | 11

#179358 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

Well. Not exactly what you wanted but you did get some ball to face action. ;-)

And besides, not really a FML as they likely paid you more attention from that then if the ball hadn't come your way at all.

Reply

leftyharris | 0

#967721 - Thursday 25 March 2010 4:39

lol

By alex_vik | 0

#179367 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:31

Running away from them? I thought you said they were cute?

By asttro_boy | 0

#179380 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:36

Ahahahahahahaha!
I would've loved to see that happening!

By pow_r_ty_ler | 0

#179419 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:04

FYL for getting hit in the face. YDI for that causing you to run into a wall with your face.

By Galpalxoxo | 0

#179439 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:42

Haha thats really nice...

By boomBOOMshake | 0

#179444 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:45

I agree with #1. Bay Watch. :)

By arby | 0

#179450 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:50

Do you by any chance go to quinnipiac college?

By peten | 0

#179456 - Friday 8 May 2009 14:01

What gym was this? Was it the CRC from College Park?

By gun7runner | 5

#179466 - Friday 8 May 2009 14:12

multiple FML's have said the same thing..."girl saw cute guy while out running. decides to run her hardest...something stupid ensues". Why do girls think that running their hardest will impress these guys? The only thing that will impress these guys is your looks, since that is all they will see. If you are 200 pounds and sloppy, running your hardest is just going to make your fat jiggle all the more.