Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed... - FML

By Anonymous - 8/5/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

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Time don't heal nothing

Nice neighborhood

You snooze, you lose

By rimjob - 20/2/2010 10:36 - United States

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

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By konichiwa - 2/11/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

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By amyhyett - 28/1/2015 23:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 20:05

In the zone

Today, I was flirting with a girl I like when she confessed she was into another guy. I then proceeded to wingman for that guy, telling her to take her shot with him before the chance went away. Effectively sticking myself into the friendzone. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2013 16:25 - Serbia - Beograd

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

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By Hanna - 3/4/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

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By mando - 6/10/2011 15:14 - Australia

Today, at work, I refused a customer a refund because there was nothing wrong with the item, and she didn't have the packaging. I then watched as she and her son rummaged through a public bin for the packaging. When I refused her again, she called me a "fucking idiot". FML

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By westwoodcosmo - 27/1/2016 22:35 - United States - Mesa

Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML

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By georgiahick - 30/12/2011 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

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By klsdhjla - 15/2/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

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By OG Pinecone - 23/7/2019 20:11 - United States - Englewood

Today, I was hanging with friends up at my best friend's cabin. We were in his hot tub cracking jokes when he told one that sent me into a fit of hysterics. He tried to shut me up by splashing water on me. It worked, because when I jerked my head to the side, I dislocated a rib. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2017 05:00

Today, I decided to drive to the airport and park in extended stay. As the plane was going down the runway, I tried to spot my car. I found it very quickly as the car alarm was going off and all its lights were flashing. FML

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By Lily - 9/10/2018 17:30

Today, I did a sprint in gym class. Despite being the skinniest in the class, I ran slower than everyone else, including two morbidly obese people. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2012 20:26 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I had a job interview, for which I spent hours preparing. My interviewer was nothing more than a pimple-faced teen, and after only two minutes of reviewing my qualifications, he lost interest and started asking such questions as which Hogwarts house is my favorite. FML

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By superfkd - 15/3/2009 02:27 - Canada

Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML

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By lukas - 11/1/2014 00:24 - Canada - Lyndhurst

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

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By whatsername92 - 1/2/2013 03:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

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By mu5icadd1ct - 8/7/2016 13:22

Today, my sister stole my bike and gave it to her boyfriend. When I told my parents, they said it was fine, because I wasn't using it anyway. The reason I wasn't using it was because it needed a new tire, and I was saving up for one. FML

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By shirley - 28/2/2011 02:20 - Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

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By work hard - 7/11/2016 12:38 - Canada - Petawawa

Today, I went into work, thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

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By FUSMC - 12/8/2009 06:01 - United States

Today, I came home on leave from a 7 month deployment to Iraq. I wanted to see my girlfriend today, but she needed to spend time with her sick grandmother. As it turns out, her sick grandmother and my cousin are the same person. FML

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By welp24 - 28/10/2018 03:00

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2015 20:49 - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

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By testacular - 25/3/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2012 20:55 - United States

Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML

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By Baby - 26/1/2017 08:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was having sex with an ex when he whispered in my ear, "Who's my baby?" I, being very bad at dirty talk, said, "You." FML

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By I'm screwed - 13/1/2013 01:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

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By smartass - 30/5/2015 02:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 15:55 - United States - Amsterdam

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

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By K. - 7/5/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2015 10:19 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, after quitting my job to take a very attractive position with a competitor, I was told the position was no longer being offered. I'm now on my way to file for unemployment. FML

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By cbad - 30/1/2012 15:27 - United States

Today, I cut my finger with a plastic knife while demonstrating that you can't cut yourself with a plastic knife. FML

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By kelsjenks - 27/7/2011 13:50 - Canada

Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

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By whatafuckhead - 23/11/2015 01:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it. Then I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 00:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

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By jessiethebestie - 5/5/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, I learned that for the next two months I'll get to train physicians on how to use the computer program that has made my job obsolete. I've known this program was coming for months, but I didn't know it would be taking my job. FML

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By jillydark6609 - 19/9/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

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By - 10/12/2018 22:00

Today I had a narrow escape with a nailgun that nailed my workboot to the floor but luckily missed my foot. After I calmed down and changed boots I returned to the nailgun, started working again and barely 30 seconds later I managed to nail my thumb to a piece of wood. Man, I'm bad at my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2018 01:30

Today, I found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant. I got on Facebook to message my baby daddy, but was stopped in my tracks by his mugshot plastered all over my news feed for an alleged meth distribution investigation. He was already on parole. FML

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Top comments

By plethora | 3

#179355 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:18

This sounds suspiciously similar to another FML from about a week back.

And not to repeat the comments from that one, but why would you run faster? You're meant to run slower. Bay Watch-style.

By Jimboom | 11

#179358 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

Well. Not exactly what you wanted but you did get some ball to face action. ;-)

And besides, not really a FML as they likely paid you more attention from that then if the ball hadn't come your way at all.

Comments

By plethora | 3

#179355 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:18

This sounds suspiciously similar to another FML from about a week back.

And not to repeat the comments from that one, but why would you run faster? You're meant to run slower. Bay Watch-style.

Reply

#1364194 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:02

fake!!! it's impossible 4 a basketball 2 fly up there unless they directly threw it at u. FAKE.

Reply

alexg823 | 0

#2622861 - Sunday 5 June 2011 7:43

I know right? Like a BOSS!

By Jimboom | 11

#179358 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

Well. Not exactly what you wanted but you did get some ball to face action. ;-)

And besides, not really a FML as they likely paid you more attention from that then if the ball hadn't come your way at all.

Reply

leftyharris | 0

#967721 - Thursday 25 March 2010 4:39

lol

By alex_vik | 0

#179367 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:31

Running away from them? I thought you said they were cute?

By asttro_boy | 0

#179380 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:36

Ahahahahahahaha!
I would've loved to see that happening!

By pow_r_ty_ler | 0

#179419 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:04

FYL for getting hit in the face. YDI for that causing you to run into a wall with your face.

By Galpalxoxo | 0

#179439 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:42

Haha thats really nice...

By boomBOOMshake | 0

#179444 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:45

I agree with #1. Bay Watch. :)

By arby | 0

#179450 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:50

Do you by any chance go to quinnipiac college?

By peten | 0

#179456 - Friday 8 May 2009 14:01

What gym was this? Was it the CRC from College Park?

By gun7runner | 5

#179466 - Friday 8 May 2009 14:12

multiple FML's have said the same thing..."girl saw cute guy while out running. decides to run her hardest...something stupid ensues". Why do girls think that running their hardest will impress these guys? The only thing that will impress these guys is your looks, since that is all they will see. If you are 200 pounds and sloppy, running your hardest is just going to make your fat jiggle all the more.