Work: Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the...

By heyyoitsapotato - 31/05/2013 02:35 - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 031

You deserved it 3 286

Work

Triage

Compromises

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By LikeAndreTheGiant - 13/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, I noticed my doctor has freakishly huge hands. This normally wouldn't have bothered me were I not there for a prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 812

You deserved it 521

Asshat

By Vivi - 14/07/2021 18:01

Today, my soon-to-be-ex-husband decided to bring our four kids over to tell them we were splitting up, and to make them choose who they want to live with, because "Mommy’s been a nagging bitch." He left out that the "nagging bitch" caught him having an affair the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 131

By fatnick - 07/10/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 957

You deserved it 3 289

By Kilamo - 04/07/2019 16:00

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 155

By sarah_sad - 25/03/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 586

You deserved it 16 698

By poolboy - 14/04/2009 08:51 - United States

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 122

You deserved it 9 256

By crazyhair docare - 08/07/2019 16:00

Today, after a lifetime of weaves and extensions, I felt brave enough to wear my natural hair to work. As soon as I clocked in, my manager yelled, “Holy shit! What happened to you? Stick your finger in a socket or something?” I was then sent home for being, “Out of uniform.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 419

You deserved it 285

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 587

You deserved it 446

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 21:56 - United States - Hermiston

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 358

You deserved it 3 255

By nickern - 08/02/2012 00:13 - Australia

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 492

You deserved it 22 925

That's kinda sweet

By rond9 - 06/06/2021 04:01

Today, after spending the night with my girlfriend for the first time, I discovered why she would always want to rush home after dinner dates. Her stomach gurgles so loudly after eating, I can hear it in the next room over, with the TV on. This apparently happens no matter what she eats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 104

By ugh - 24/11/2014 12:40 - United States - Port Chester

Today, I was really excited to get a new bank account in my name. My parents wanted me to have it so they could transfer money from mine to theirs and vice versa. What excited me less was my father drunkenly accessing it and taking all my cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 123

You deserved it 4 402

By why me - 29/06/2016 04:41 - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 319

You deserved it 1 898

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 343

You deserved it 12 827

By S4L - 02/07/2009 04:13 - France

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 733

You deserved it 23 346

By nature - 25/09/2017 23:15

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 290

You deserved it 312

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 888

You deserved it 35 870

By thanksad - 23/08/2013 01:38 - United States - Cerritos

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 344

You deserved it 3 667

By CatLady - 16/06/2017 04:00

Today, I was having dinner at a restaurant with my best friend and her 18-month-old. I really had to fart, so I let one go silently, hoping it would go unnoticed. I caught a whiff of it, but so did my friend apparently, because she made a face and then held up her baby to smell her diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 444

You deserved it 1 308

By Gee - 16/06/2017 02:00

Today, I helped a stranger exchange 3,000 Argentinian pesos for US dollars through my bank. They gave him $3,000. The exchange rate is close to $195. My bank realized their mistake and now my bank account is -$2,805 expecting me to pay it back. All this happened before my recent paycheck came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 045

You deserved it 1 820

By hot_friend - 19/12/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 886

You deserved it 4 865

By coffee_princess - 22/07/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 880

You deserved it 4 446

By Anonymous - 12/06/2012 16:38 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 407

You deserved it 14 494

Headshot

By home owner - 20/08/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head, while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water, but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 3 348

By juliaspaperbags - 16/08/2009 14:32 - United States

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 764

You deserved it 8 073

By niki - 10/01/2013 02:37 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 249

You deserved it 34 248

By FangirlMess6 - 24/03/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, I saw a man stuck in his car door by his jacket. I ran over to help him, and his wife hit me with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 772

You deserved it 315

By hubby - 08/10/2013 17:57 - United States

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 512

You deserved it 5 770

On time

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally got up early enough to get to work on time. I arrived 15 minutes early only to realize that I'd left my work laptop at home. Ended up being 30 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 993

Ghosted

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 00:30

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years ghosted me without a word and acted like he didn't know my friend when she texted him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 61

By lyfisdyno - 12/09/2013 00:16 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 763

You deserved it 73 844

What did I do?

By Ryan McArdle - 25/01/2021 10:58

Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 92

By LynzG - 01/02/2011 05:56

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 755

You deserved it 4 012

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 383

You deserved it 45 802

By RollieCollieUSA - 30/01/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 641

You deserved it 6 606

By Hopeless - 08/02/2011 03:22

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 795

You deserved it 6 095

By daybyday - 22/11/2011 08:08 - Australia

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 609

You deserved it 6 345

Heavy load

By w…… - 28/04/2021 23:01

Today, I was getting ready for work. When I stepped back, my ankle rolled and my fat ass landed on it with my foot sideways under me. Now I’m in a boot for 6 weeks and have 6 weeks of physical therapy ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 134

By Toooldforthisshit - 09/12/2018 11:30 - United States - New London

Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me, is pregnant... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 976

You deserved it 229

By ColderThanCold - 15/03/2019 00:00

Today, the company that was supposed to clear our apartment's parking lot never showed up. I almost got frostbite in my fingers trying to shovel someone's car out since my gloves got soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 239

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