Work: Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the... - FML

By heyyoitsapotato - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50005

You deserved it

3284

Tweet

Share

Falling Down

Childfree

Sharing is caring

By rileycrash - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36621

You deserved it

6873

Tweet

Share

By scottskidee - United States

Biker

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22472

You deserved it

24967

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30460

You deserved it

13124

Tweet

Share

By just a joke - 8/6/2020 20:08

He has issues

Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2432

You deserved it

308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/1/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - London

The real me

Today, after three days of dating a boy I liked, he came out as gay on his Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks

613

You deserved it

85

Tweet

Share

By Arp - United States

Today, I got an early Valentine's day card. My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and my hopes shot up thinking it might be from him. It wasn't. It was from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26119

You deserved it

4627

Tweet

Share

By crop circle galore - United States

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49613

You deserved it

3198

Tweet

Share

By pumboc - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51134

You deserved it

3094

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a "terrorist" and other names by a customer 'behind my back'. I made him the best sandwich I'd ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, "Your total is $9.11." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2064

You deserved it

130

Tweet

Share

By swaiteATC - United States

Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46189

You deserved it

2638

Tweet

Share

By Claustrophobic - United States

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38178

You deserved it

2408

Tweet

Share

By sicky - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22278

You deserved it

1406

Tweet

Share

By ChelseaRae - United States

Today, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad that had the line "No corn, no wheat, no soy", all of which I'm severely allergic to. I got so excited at the prospect of having a food I could eat, I fell out of my chair. I then realized it was an ad for dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37400

You deserved it

5517

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30068

You deserved it

3887

Tweet

Share

By CaptainSosuke - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25815

You deserved it

8360

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12124

You deserved it

41958

Tweet

Share

By I’m stressed - 22/12/2020 08:02 - United States - San Jose

Badass

Today, someone tried to open the stall I was in, and I instinctively screamed. I was yelled at and called, "incredibly rude and disrespectful." The lady then waited for me to come out so she could, "kick my ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

806

You deserved it

67

Tweet

Share

By depressednupset - United States

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42434

You deserved it

8205

Tweet

Share

By bbbkingsey - United States

Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56745

You deserved it

4348

Tweet

Share

By FML - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27673

You deserved it

4749

Tweet

Share

By Hopper - United States

Today, I was the only carhop at work for the last 2 hours. In that time, I waited on about 50 cars. I make server pay so I depend on tips, but none of them tipped me even a penny. I averaged under $3 an hour tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3516

You deserved it

332

Tweet

Share

By bob - Canada

Today, I got into a pretty heated argument with my boss. On my way out the door I told him he would be lucky if I came back to work. Unfortunately, I left the interior light on in my truck and it drained the battery. I had to go back in and ask for a jump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12763

You deserved it

36085

Tweet

Share

By WeldedShut

Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3745

You deserved it

8107

Tweet

Share

By mmmretail - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47868

You deserved it

3276

Tweet

Share

By gotta_respond - United States - Piscataway

Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32427

You deserved it

3360

Tweet

Share

By Unlucky taxi driver

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3357

You deserved it

536

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Marinette

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23519

You deserved it

7492

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

No exit! No choice!

Today, I drove my car and suddenly I got diarrhea & shit my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then, one of my work mates saw my car and came to say hello, she saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2121

You deserved it

265

Tweet

Share

By animelover - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31586

You deserved it

10778

Tweet

Share

By GAGirl1 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40949

You deserved it

7192

Tweet

Share

By benjo - United States

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62928

You deserved it

4818

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Fairfield

Today, two months into my new marketing job, I presented my first webinar live to over 300 people. Half the audience complained about the horrible sound quality, saying all they could hear was a Mickey Mouse squeaky sound. Turns out it wasn't the sound quality, it was my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12305

You deserved it

994

Tweet

Share

By spanishteach - United States

Today, I told my students that I would be absent tomorrow because my wife was giving birth. They burst into applause... not to congratulate me on the new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52170

You deserved it

13640

Tweet

Share

By Ugh - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10543

You deserved it

1037

Tweet

Share

By sadSarah - United States - New York

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41200

You deserved it

4774

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1627

You deserved it

267

Tweet

Share

By veggieluver - United States - Scarsdale

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36863

You deserved it

3232

Tweet

Share

By sexisntfun - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42044

You deserved it

3140

Tweet

Share

By really? - United States - Highland

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59680

You deserved it

3435

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19843

You deserved it

6697

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Bano360 | 25

#5514791 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:47

Main reason I do not want to have kids. 4 siblings is enough.

By sleepwalker13 | 25

#5514796 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:49

Kids these days have no manners

COMMENTS

By Bano360 | 25

#5514791 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:47

Main reason I do not want to have kids. 4 siblings is enough.

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5514832 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:59

The way your kids turn out is up to you as a parent, it's not hard to understand that.

Reply

fishstick557 | 14

#5515270 - Friday 31 May 2013 18:00

Why didn't you move

Reply

MichellinMan | 20

#5515598 - Friday 31 May 2013 22:16

It'd be your fault if they turned out like little shits.

Reply

tjv3 | 10

#5515858 - Saturday 1 June 2013 4:12

See kids today have no respect. They have no respect because their parents have no respect.

By sleepwalker13 | 25

#5514796 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:49

Kids these days have no manners

Reply

Bakarra | 22

#5514860 - Friday 31 May 2013 13:12

Parents have a big role in this as well. On another note, this is why I don't use public pools

Reply

allie2590 | 30

#5514933 - Friday 31 May 2013 14:08

I'm sure kids have always been taking dumps/pissing where they're not supposed to, not just "these days."

By Wizardo | 33

#5514800 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:50

So the kid wanted to be an ingredient of a massive poo stew and be marinated in the juices of someone else's faeces and everyone else's griminess... good luck.

Reply

cmayer | 20

#5515665 - Saturday 1 June 2013 0:24

Wow you made me actually gag..

By MsConfusedd | 27

#5514801 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:51

At least he peed on our feet which were underwater.... he could've peed on your head

Reply

Bakarra | 22

#5514856 - Friday 31 May 2013 13:10

That's the silver lining to this story? That's just sad...

Reply

Danielle7994 | 18

#5514859 - Friday 31 May 2013 13:11

The fml says OP was standing "at" the shallow end, not "in". He/She was probably standing on the cement. That child is purely evil lol.

Reply

MsConfusedd | 27

#5514886 - Friday 31 May 2013 13:38

17- true but even so of all places to be peed on, feet are probably the least horrifyingly awful

By isallwaysme | 27

#5514802 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:52

a mentally challenged kid pooped his pants at a pool here, then slipped and landed in it. making it shoot out is pants. i feel your pain.

By profoundkisses | 18

#5514811 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:54

Kids these days

Reply

Squirrel1256 | 15

#5515245 - Friday 31 May 2013 17:35

I could understand if it was an accident for the first kid, but the second kid should be bannned from the pool. Maybe then he would learn.

Reply

truth_teller23 | 11

#5515288 - Friday 31 May 2013 18:24

I'm pretty sure kids have been pooping and peeing in pools since the invention of pools. The child who peed on OP's feet needs to be taught by his parents.

By Lennes | 12

#5514812 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:55

Aaaaaand I'm reminded why I hate most kids. I'm sorry op, it seems like the latter kid needs to learn respect for the people who work.

By BigMatt803 | 18

#5514821 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:56

Some kids just have no respect or discipline. If I had done that and my parents were around, sitting down would have been difficult

By ozpunker | 20

#5514823 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:56

Put his head under until the bubbles stop.

Reply

elephantsarecute | 16

#5515685 - Saturday 1 June 2013 1:07

It's not funny to joke about drowning children, even horribly behaved ones.

Reply

clemsi | 20

#5517227 - Sunday 2 June 2013 6:13

Welcome to the internet, prepare to be extremely pissed off, or in OP's case pissed on.

By rita0ral | 8

#5514824 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:56

Nice job