Transportation: Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy...

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 33 559

Transportation

Walk the line

It never rains…

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry

By Evil_Angel_90 - 10/09/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 964

You deserved it 6 232

By really? - 20/03/2013 04:55 - United States

Today, I found a purse in the school bathroom. When I looked inside, there was an iPod along with some other expensive stuff in it. I took it to the office so the right owner would get it back. The owner passed me in the hall on the way there; she freaked out and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 652

You deserved it 3 012

Today, on Intervention…

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 06:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 813

You deserved it 2 271

By Vince - 22/02/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 853

You deserved it 4 413

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 498

You deserved it 5 160

By nofrickenway - 25/04/2012 00:08 - United States - Newport News

Today, I found out that my unemployed and very needy mother-in-law will be moving in with us soon. And during my conversation on the phone with her, she expects us to buy a house and my wife and I can "live with her." My wife agrees with all of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 857

You deserved it 2 721

By Anonymous - 21/03/2011 06:20 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 408

You deserved it 6 246

By Lovenem - 16/02/2011 17:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said "It's funny how every time we have sex I'm wearing these panties." We've been having sex every day for the last six days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 235

You deserved it 7 085

By Fish - 19/03/2009 15:47 - United Arab Emirates

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well performed dive of the diving board, I go up and attempt my best dive. I slip just as I jump and hit my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 242

You deserved it 55 263

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 738

You deserved it 6 404

By santa_maria - 25/08/2011 21:45 - Reunion

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 190

You deserved it 106 582

By thyella87 - 21/08/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 685

You deserved it 18 017

By zl5 - 04/07/2014 23:17 - New Zealand - Masterton

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 029

You deserved it 4 829

By ilovezim29 - 03/06/2012 07:45 - United States - Windsor

Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 820

You deserved it 4 858

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 22:05 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my mom proudly told me that she found the perfect thing to combat my B.O. Extra strength degreaser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 22/03/2011 05:54 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 394

You deserved it 29 552

By fuckface? I wish - 30/11/2013 20:29 - Australia - Diamond Beach

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 894

You deserved it 5 464

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 731

You deserved it 3 944

By Jayman223 - 10/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Reno

Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 684

You deserved it 1 131

The Terminator

By jobekka - 20/03/2021 20:01

Today, I called my mother to hear how my dog was doing, because she had been taking care of her while I was moving. My mom told me she had put her down a couple of days ago, cause she was sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 55

At last

By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 20:01

Today, on the third of February, my mom finally relented and let us take the Christmas decorations down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 100

By caligirl4ever - 19/07/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 458

Caught

By Anonymous - 14/08/2015 10:57 - Ukraine - Donetsk

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 551

You deserved it 1 929

By monkeylover996 - 29/10/2012 01:53 - United States

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 590

You deserved it 3 928

By Sarah Ellsberry - 13/09/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend and I moved back in after over a month of couch hopping and $2,000 of heat and chemical treatments for a chronic bedbug issue. I just found bedbugs on my legs. We've used all our favors and have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 265

Indebted without work

By Anonymous - 03/11/2019 20:30

Today, my husband has to quit his job. 5 months ago, we paid a deposit on a section for our brand new house and the title and mortgage need to be finalized next week. His work is forcing him out because he wanted to do his job safely and to a high standard of workmanship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 177

What are you doing?

By StopMe - 20/05/2019 12:00

Today, I went to a hobby lobby with the director of the play my daughter is in. He leaned in to grab a bottle of blue paint, and I mistook it for a hug. When he looked perplexed, I hugged him again, this time jumping in celebration of finding the blue paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 426

You deserved it 510

By nekkidness - 21/11/2012 21:06 - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 523

You deserved it 38 883

By ANNIEDBD - 23/03/2012 09:44 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 970

You deserved it 2 116

Medicare for all, please

By thefirstcutisthedeepest - 30/09/2021 14:01

Today, I cut my leg deeply at the beginning of my work shift. I wrapped it up with packing tape and a thankfully sterile paper towel, and had to work 6 more hours before I could leave. I made 110 dollars at work, only to spend 120 on stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 12/03/2016 11:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, an attention seeking weirdo who thinks she's my friend asked me who was going to be the maid of honour at my wedding. Knowing what she was really asking, I said I just want a small, non-fancy wedding with no bridesmaids. She broke down into a sobbing mess in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 978

You deserved it 2 072

By wellfuck - 02/05/2015 14:23 - United States - Lexington

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 187

You deserved it 7 561

By yawho - 25/02/2009 07:25 - Japan

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 286

You deserved it 9 831

By Anonymous - 09/08/2017 20:00

Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 049

You deserved it 342

By Zuzubat - 05/09/2013 23:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 134

You deserved it 2 556

Not for me

By Newgenmom - 18/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my husband I might want a baby, so he took me to visit his best friend who has a toddler and we stayed for an hour. I no longer want a baby. I want the pill wrapped in 2 condoms and a joint vasectomy/hysterectomy paid for with my non-baby disposable income, and my husband now has a shit eating grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 1 088

By anditburnsburnsburns - 27/08/2013 18:13 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 234

You deserved it 20 713

By MrGullible - 17/04/2019 00:00

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 180

By DaycareMama92 - 28/04/2017 16:00

Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 224

You deserved it 400

By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 20:49 - United States

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 801

You deserved it 17 175

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Top comments

robc32ca 4

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:19

you say tipsy he saw stinking drunk.

Quest_ 13

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:20

Stop sexually harassing innocent strangers on public transport and this won't happen anymore.

bamagrl410 31

Thursday 11 November 2010 12:15

Ouchhh. Denied.

_TONGAN_ 5

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Thursday 11 November 2010 13:39

OP are you related to Ke$ha?

Agiggleaday 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 14:38

29,your dog is beautiful :D

Kiggerz989 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 14:58

29, I think OP is Kesha attempting to be normal... :|

biass 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 15:34

I think Ke$ha is smart. She knows publicity is publicity and has made an alter ego for fame and money. Or she's an idiot and is really a drunken party crazed chick. I'd like to think it's the first...

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Thursday 11 November 2010 15:56

I'm under the impression Ke$ha is option number 2. Anyway, why are you folks commenting about Ke$ha when the original post (#1) doesn't mention anything about her? Start a new thread, people.

ygdrassil 17

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Friday 12 November 2010 3:02

I sincerely hope option one is true of all celebrities. Especially Justin Bieber.

boyguydudemalema 0

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:32

#1 didn't said anything enough to be talked about for the whole thread, so they just made a new topic.

_TONGAN_ 5

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Friday 12 November 2010 13:40

38- hey thanx

ComMed1 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:16

that's what you get for trying to hit on a guy while tipsy an not in a bar

robc32ca 4

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:19

you say tipsy he saw stinking drunk.

nicknesser 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:19

Owned.

Lx416 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:20

lmao fail -Ł

chloec16 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:20

drunk? on the subway?

Quest_ 13

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:20

Stop sexually harassing innocent strangers on public transport and this won't happen anymore.

slushpup9696 12

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Friday 29 April 2011 21:48

7 - win for being correct and to the point.

ellytoad 13

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Tuesday 23 October 2012 18:40

Sitting next to someone and saying hello is sexual harassment now?

EwahWeeWah 21

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Wednesday 15 June 2016 23:41

I wouldn't say that is sexual harassment...

roflcopter4 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:20

How embarrassing! .. for you. Flirting fail.

jess2gd4u 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 12:24

ydi for being a drunk and loose ho!!!! your an embarrassment to females. why don't you get some class!!!!! and HO HO HO and a merry Christmas to u!!!

CitrusGirl 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 13:23

You're* Why* And* you* I think you are the embarressment. Considering all the girl did was try to flirt with someone, your judgement is incredibly off. You have to sleep around to be a ho/whore. On another note, any girl who calls another girl a ho for having this small amount of sexyual independence is themselves reinforcing gender roles. You are the embarressment.

CitrusGirl 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 13:26

sexual* Sorry for my typo there

ulicksam 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 13:38

embarrassment

staynplay 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 13:49

*hoe

Agiggleaday 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 14:40

26,fail

PrincessRavishin 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 14:50

I could have rooted for on this #25, but you took it too far with the reinforcing gender roles garb.

marcranger 28

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Thursday 11 November 2010 15:04

go 25! only men can be hoes. of they're not, they wish they were.

generalasskicker 12

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Thursday 11 November 2010 15:16

burn the troll eh?

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Thursday 11 November 2010 15:57

32 - It's "ho". A "hoe" is a gardening tool...

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Thursday 11 November 2010 17:29

Citrus, I agree that this doesn't make OP a ho. That said, however, what she did wasn't acceptable for that time and place. Switch the roles here; say she had been the sober passenger and a "tipsy" guy had sat next to her on the bus and tried to chat her up. Do you think she'd have happily gone along? Considered it innocent flirting, or a display of his sexual independence? Probably not, because it's unwanted attention in a semi-closed environment. She wasn't in a bar, where people know and accept that they might be hit on. Equality doesn't mean that girls get a free pass for doing what would be considered creepy or sleazy for a guy.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Thursday 11 November 2010 17:43

Subway* not bus, but whatevs. My point still stands.

LexRB 0

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Thursday 11 November 2010 18:10

Irish doe your annoying

KaySL 24

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Thursday 11 November 2010 18:13

LexRB, stop trolling, you cock.

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Friday 12 November 2010 0:25

Know what is actually annoying? The increasing inability to differentiate between "your" and "you're".

jess2gd4u 0

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Friday 12 November 2010 11:51

lol citrus girl I think u need to get laid or something! just chill no need to get all hyped up cause someone isn't correctly spelling everything!! it's the way it is mate. lol funny chik