Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in... - FML

By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

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This is us

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By Anonymous - 11/6/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

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By brokedad - 10/5/2013 01:41 - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

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By ignored - 28/9/2019 00:01 - Canada

Wait here

Today, I showed up on time for a job interview. After waiting for about three hours, I was informed that the manager had "better things to do" than interview me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

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By anonymous - 10/6/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

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By "mala_19" - 4/9/2017 23:15

Today, once again, my boss posted a selfie with a Snapchat filter on the company's Facebook page. She doesn't see how it's unprofessional. FML

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By Rebecca2135 - 1/10/2018 22:05

Today, I gave a speech at a charity fundraiser. I didn't realize how close I was standing to the fan, which automatically went on. As soon as I said, "this is why you should pledge," my dress flew up. I then learned how quickly phones can take pictures and emails of my underwear can be sent. FML

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By peace_lost - 29/6/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

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By xoccerplaya - 6/10/2011 10:46 - United States

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

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By countrygirl8846 - 2/12/2015 15:02 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I went to pick up some pictures I took on a family trip, but the person at the counter said someone else had already picked them up. Now not only am I out $20, some random creep has pictures of me and my whole family. FML

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By mottephobe - 6/4/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

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By princeronron - 8/9/2015 02:02 - Switzerland - Prilly

Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML

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By noname - 4/1/2009 05:39 - France

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

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By PartTimePrincess - 10/9/2013 14:56 - United States

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to sky dive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

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By DisgustingCreatures - 4/8/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

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By hozzyandie - 14/12/2010 18:02 - Ireland

Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML

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By Noname - 2/3/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, I went to Tiffany's to exchange a bracelet my boyfriend had given me for our year anniversary. It was the first gift that he actually spent money on me for. The sales lady then told me that the bracelet was not a real Tiffany's item. FML

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By LovedByFamily - 8/10/2012 15:08 - Germany - K?ln

Today, I found out that my mom gives my brother tips on how to hurt my feelings the most. FML

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By MGDS - 14/12/2013 05:52 - United States - Pine Grove

Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last part of the exam, then violently threw up in the middle of my answer. FML

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By anditburnsburnsburns - 27/8/2013 18:13 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

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By little tooth - 6/11/2008 13:39 - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

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By lilben - 10/6/2011 08:09 - United States

Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2015 22:05 - United States - Shelby

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

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By Blackberry - 10/7/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I paid $80 to change my cell number because my ex-girlfriend had been stalking me. To inform all of my friends of the change, I sent a mass text message to everyone in my phonebook. Including my ex. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2014 00:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

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By he’s just terrible at it! - 30/10/2018 03:00

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2015 17:50 - United States

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 07:19 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

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By single and hatless - 28/11/2015 03:46 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my 2 year relationship ended when my boyfriend accused me of stealing his beanie hat. FML

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By story of my life. - 21/2/2009 14:33 - Switzerland

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

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By Helpful Smile - 20/5/2014 23:50 - United States - Davenport

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

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By ambulancedriver - 12/9/2009 18:35 - Poland

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

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By mat - 21/1/2009 06:02 - France

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

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By CUCKOO - 26/10/2013 21:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

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By I was talking about her. - 29/6/2016 05:24

Today, a lady called the candy store and wanted to know our ice cream flavors. We have 30 and I had a line of people to help, so I directed her to our new website. She called back, wanting me to walk her through finding it. I couldn't, as we're not allowed, so she called me useless. She showed up. FML

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By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8 hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2016 11:22 - United States - Hills

Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

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By poops - 27/1/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

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By KaityK - 19/4/2016 19:15 - United States

Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML

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Top comments

By haweb | 0

#617614 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:04

At least he told you. That's when you laugh it off because it's not that big of a deal and say "Thank you".

By SoreThroat | 0

#617592 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:01

I believe incidents, just like this one, tend to happen often. Regardless if it's fake or not...it's highly amusing, because you know its just happened to someone else in real life. ;D

Comments

By SoreThroat | 0

#617592 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:01

I believe incidents, just like this one, tend to happen often. Regardless if it's fake or not...it's highly amusing, because you know its just happened to someone else in real life. ;D

Reply

FarSide | 22

#618118 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 0:39

Yes... yes... I would say that was definitely a flirt. Hope you had on your panties; else that was a little much.

Reply

Javalounge | 0

#3203793 - Tuesday 30 August 2011 7:28

Maybe he pulled it down. >.>

By haweb | 0

#617614 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:04

At least he told you. That's when you laugh it off because it's not that big of a deal and say "Thank you".

By loltoyoutoo | 0

#617620 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:06

BAHAHAHAHA . This gave me a good laugh

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#617621 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:06

Did you go straight to the razor isle after you noticed that your amazon bush was escaping your zipper?

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#617869 - Monday 12 October 2009 22:27

More like she ran to Home Depot to pick up a weed wacker.

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#617939 - Monday 12 October 2009 23:01

1 weed wacker
+1 lawn mower
+1 leaf blower
+1 hairy vageen
= a weekend full of chores for OP

Reply

dnlphm94 | 0

#618012 - Monday 12 October 2009 23:43

^^ Overkill -.-

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#618124 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 0:42

road kill

Reply

RubixMonkey | 0

#618776 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 6:09

Murder to the lawn mower.

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#619587 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 18:49

It would be like the rat in the vacuum in that one post...

By Anonanimal | 0

#617626 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:08

Wow check yourself man

By No_fyl_cuz_ydi | 0

#617636 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:14

not sure this is really an fml I've told people when their fly is down they say thank you it would be more embarrassing to walk around with your fly down and no one tells you. next time double check yourself

By AliMarie | 0

#617647 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:18

It's okay. I mean. . .he's the creeper in the grocery store checking out your crotch.

By noshitsherlock | 0

#617659 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:22

UMM GET OVER IT, dumbass. It's NOT a big deal, and you're lucky he said something so you didn't have to go the rest of the day like that. It's only embarrassing if you weren't wearing underwear, and you didn't say you weren't, so WHO CARES?!

By plexico | 3

#617673 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:29

You should have said, "Thanks for looking in that area!"

Once a woman told me I missed a belt loop. I got wood.

Reply

Gnocchi_fml | 0

#617836 - Monday 12 October 2009 22:00

#7 is on the money. He was looking at your crotch enough to notice. I've never checked out a girl's crotch I didn't find attractive.

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#618715 - Tuesday 13 October 2009 5:32

How... do you... check out a girl's crotch? Our vulva isn't anything like a package. I mean, if she's wearing pants, how do you check that out?

But yes, plex is on the money, OP. Little embarassing moments make for endearing ones, anyway...

By Tehalon | 0

#617725 - Monday 12 October 2009 20:51

You forgot to mention you went commando that day.