Miscellaneous: Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other girlfriend." FML

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45609

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Tasty!

Nothing honey, nothing

By Username - United States

Today, I put up an ad on Craig's List to find a best friend. I don't know what's more pathetic: looking for a best friend online, or the ad being removed almost instantly. FML

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13635

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By anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

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26177

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By Blackshadows - United States - Somerset

Today, I accidentally poured milk into my bowl of chips. FML

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23859

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8344

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2021 08:00

Busted

Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

336

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1020

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By mulligan - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12792

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2795

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By Danielle - 25/10/2020 11:02

Barf

Today, I threw up during sex. FML

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1057

You deserved it

159

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By Annakins - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49136

You deserved it

7055

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By 50sStyle - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5478

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395

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By The Seamstress - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2008

You deserved it

5374

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By lucky?

Today, some wisenheimer hacked my Facebook account and posted that I just won the Powerball. I now currently have 284 "friend" requests and 142 tags as "family". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3824

You deserved it

296

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By Ice cold - Australia - Cheltenham

Ice cold break-up

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27301

You deserved it

1746

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31991

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10737

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By JC12345 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebees for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked "How was it?" he says "It was terrible", to which I said "The food was that bad?" He replies "No, the sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

90676

You deserved it

13763

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By proteinboy - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11676

You deserved it

30338

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By shrimp41 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46806

You deserved it

16203

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By BlueMacaw - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25916

You deserved it

4497

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

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46498

You deserved it

6268

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By Failed Parent - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27822

You deserved it

4614

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By waiting till marriage, she said - United States - Pasadena

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35791

You deserved it

2498

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By Mitch - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, while I was working my shift at the store, my girlfriend appeared and asked to talk to me. Once we were alone, she burst into tears and started sobbing. Turns out someone's dad died in her favorite TV show and she wanted some comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29264

You deserved it

3425

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By Seline

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

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38487

You deserved it

4296

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By not gay in AL - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

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46279

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5457

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By Anonymous - United States - Columbia City

Heated gaming moment

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house after working a night shift. The door was locked and, so I wouldn't wake his parents, I called him. Twelve times. Each call went to voicemail and I was left standing outside in the freezing rain until he finally let me in. What was he doing? Playing video games. FML

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6799

You deserved it

1175

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By Anonymous - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25528

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5604

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By nickcedola40 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, I was on a scavenger hunt. One of the things on the list was to ask a stranger to marry them. I saw an old lady in a wheel chair; I tried to make her day by asking her to marry me. She declined and attempted to run me over with her wheel chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24120

You deserved it

33943

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By Jeathrow - United States

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36118

You deserved it

3984

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By Spongebob Garypants - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11171

You deserved it

2050

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

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33930

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3392

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By CircusSea - Puerto Rico - Carolina

Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23924

You deserved it

1899

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By Jeff - United States

Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1551

You deserved it

120

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19926

You deserved it

57379

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By WheatiesMan

Today, I'm on a class trip to Washington DC. Last night, my roommate took a shower, and I decided that I would take one in the morning. This morning, I found out after I got out of the shower that my roommate used one towel for drying himself, and the other for a mat. He didn't hang either of them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12879

You deserved it

1263

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By Julia - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34418

You deserved it

1974

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By Shan.nel - United States - Greer

Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3366

You deserved it

1267

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By twofade - United States

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2761

You deserved it

312

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By crippy - United States

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30900

You deserved it

3049

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By Anonymous - United States - Montgomery

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40989

You deserved it

7257

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13466

You deserved it

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By :/

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44185

You deserved it

17419

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By Anonymous - Canada

I'm a weirdo, I'm a creep

Today, I was sitting behind some bushes in the dark enjoying the view, when some cops came and confiscated my night-vision goggles, then warned me for acting like a "creepy perv." FML

I agree, your life sucks

480

You deserved it

3312

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Top comments

By hauptubel | 0

#591992 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:51

What a dumbass. I hope you dumped that tool.

By FreddyLunch | 0

#591990 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:50

What a PIMP.

COMMENTS

By FreddyLunch | 0

#591990 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:50

What a PIMP.

Ughsucks | 0

#592020 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:56

Meh... if she's ugly she has no reason to complain.

fmlfmlfml15 | 0

#592128 - Monday 28 September 2009 20:21

Give him 5 seconds to start laughing and say "just kidding", and if he doesn't, introduce your foot to his ass.

trakus | 0

#592228 - Monday 28 September 2009 21:09

HAHA

Zhejan | 0

#592295 - Monday 28 September 2009 21:46

Look at the bright side, at least your boyfriend is getting some ass

canucksrule88 | 0

#594356 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 18:46

four scoops of ass

Philosophic | 0

#895474 - Saturday 27 February 2010 0:17

And.. you didn't dump him? If you didn't YDI for being a simple-minded tool.

By anonnie | 0

#591991 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:50

Hahaha ouch.

MagicMeds | 0

#593793 - Tuesday 29 September 2009 9:37

wow these cheaters are getting lazier and lazier

By hauptubel | 0

#591992 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:51

What a dumbass. I hope you dumped that tool.

By ashblueeyez14 | 0

#592011 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:54

HE IS A ASSHOLE
dump him

By Cristaderzi | 0

#592016 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:55

Ehhh what trash he is Id dump him if you value both Your dignity,AND the pride of all us girls that share society with you....

By nerdgirlagogo | 0

#592019 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:56

Dump him....

By a1mostevi1 | 0

#592033 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:58

at least he said girlfriend

By notanhoaxer_fml | 0

#592036 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:59

Beware not to finish like one of those http://all-the-exgirlfriends.info/?uid=22517

By lem0n_fml | 0

#592038 - Monday 28 September 2009 19:59

Maybe he's a polygamist.

By rukusrazor | 0

#592053 - Monday 28 September 2009 20:02

Reply with "Nice to meet you *insert name*, mother of my ex." and leave.