Kids: Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 671

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 134

24/01/2011 07:29

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 403

You deserved it 3 128

Batman

Another great day to be alive

Stubborn

29/04/2013 07:20

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 034

You deserved it 3 436

10/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was fired for not having a reliable mode of transportation. I’ve only had to take the bus recently because three days ago, my boss’s son was messing around in the parking garage, lost control, and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 251

You deserved it 207

16/11/2015 12:25

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 226

You deserved it 2 566

04/02/2015 03:13

Today, I saw my co-worker write about how awful Muslims were and how the religion is stupid, the hijab is oppressive, and how they're a poison on society. When I questioned them about it, they pretty much said that I didn't know anything and should stop talking. I'm Muslim and a hijabi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 937

You deserved it 6 154

27/01/2011 16:48

Today, I was getting a flight home. I'd worn a belt because my skirt was too big. When I walked through security, they asked me to remove my belt. My skirt fell down in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 857

You deserved it 13 379

05/11/2012 07:02

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 713

You deserved it 3 455

19/07/2012 23:56

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 774

You deserved it 41 572

26/04/2013 05:20

Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 216

You deserved it 3 097

11/12/2011 01:03

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were talking about childhood memories. He told me about a girl he made fun of in middle school. That was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 597

You deserved it 4 010

25/01/2013 22:19

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 988

You deserved it 5 989

04/07/2013 05:07

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 586

You deserved it 56 076

Donut laugh at me

By sdeeter - 29/04/2013 13:39

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 824

You deserved it 9 127

31/03/2014 22:10

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 097

You deserved it 5 757

Well read

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 05:00

Today, I vented to someone about being left on read by someone else, and they left me on read as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 336

02/02/2012 18:07

Spicy

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 447

You deserved it 25 931

09/07/2009 15:00

Today, I heard a student in the class I assist having trouble with a download. I walked over and showed him how to save to his flash drive, and how to use 7z to unzip said file. I then found out I'd just assisted him in downloading a half gig of porn during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 747

You deserved it 9 522

20/07/2009 22:35

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a job I interviewed for. The guy called me and told me I got it. I said "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!" He responded with "You're welcome Emily". My name isn't Emily, it's Kim. He got the numbers mixed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 516

You deserved it 2 514

20/06/2009 05:17

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 601

You deserved it 4 739

07/10/2013 18:55

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 730

You deserved it 17 486

21/09/2013 17:28

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 550

You deserved it 3 943

The one with the asshole friend

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 06:31

Today, after going through a surgery related to my ovaries, having a life-threatening complication during the surgery due to anesthesia, my doctor warning me about future infertility, a friend tells me that no one will marry me now, since I have stretch marks and stitches marks on my abdomen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 48

13/11/2013 17:51

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 449

You deserved it 12 573

29/04/2013 16:09

Today, I had a big party planned. All but one of the guests cancelled. See you at 7, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 109

You deserved it 3 945

08/06/2016 20:57

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 267

You deserved it 3 481

16/03/2009 09:55

Today, I spent a solid four hours and over one hundred dollars preparing a nice fancy meal for my new girlfriend. A delicious three pound rack of ribs with a sweet and sour marinade. Steam broccoli with melted cheese. Home made buttermilk biscuits. I serve the meal. She doesn't eat beef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 69 174

25/12/2016 02:57

Today, I took my car into the mechanic to have two tires and battery put in, all new. I later got a call saying they tried to start my car on the dead battery, which sparked and started a fire. It's gonna take two weeks to get the parts and it's minus 30 outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 870

You deserved it 520

06/04/2009 06:14

Today, I was at a symposium at which my colleague was a co-chair. She and a new acquaintance asked me how it was going. I joked that the discussant's only job at this conference was to be an asshole. The acquaintance was the symposium's discussant. The topic was Rude Behavior at Work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 857

You deserved it 58 907

01/02/2015 02:43

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 830

You deserved it 2 549

23/07/2019 17:00

Today, I came out to my parents. My mom and dad think that I'm lying, just so I could "fit in" with everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 312

My eyes are up here

By LonelyCashier - 11/07/2019 20:00

Today, an old woman came into my store for help. Towards the end, she asked me my name. I told her while pointing at my name tag. She then replied, "Oh! I didn't notice since I was staring at your boobs. Much prettier to look at." Sadly, this is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 189

27/11/2015 02:26

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 385

You deserved it 3 209

08/10/2018 15:30

Today, my boyfriend’s dog decided that his stomach needed a month’s supply of contacts more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 551

You deserved it 294

06/01/2011 06:34

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 948

You deserved it 11 919

16/03/2015 19:15

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 595

You deserved it 2 665

08/07/2011 18:48

Spicy

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 632

You deserved it 22 339

11/01/2011 17:09

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 422

You deserved it 3 383

He deserved it. Snapping ain't cool unless you're a turtle.

By accidentalsmartass - 06/03/2017 22:00

Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 223

You deserved it 699

28/05/2013 16:42

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 728

You deserved it 5 629

How you remind me

By heartfelt - 02/08/2014 03:23

Today, I was rejected by a company I applied to. When I was writing my application, I spent so much time on their website researching that the ads on my browser are almost all for their products. It's like getting rejected again with every click. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 417

You deserved it 4 072

Little shit

By moneyman22 - 01/03/2010 19:09

Today, I was asked to take care of my 3 year-old little brother. After 15 minutes of him screaming and me trying to keep him entertained, he started throwing his toy cars at me. He hit me in the mouth, and I started to bleed. My parents yelled at me for "not controlling him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 393

You deserved it 3 943

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Top comments

oldenuff2party 3

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:19

thats messed up

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:25

Congrats, your mom is a Nazi! :P

Comments

oldenuff2party 3

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:19

thats messed up

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:21

very, very messed up.

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:22

ydi for being gay.

khaldeiahalali 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:37

cant wait till your bf has to met your mom

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:56

that's Utah for ya

capt_awesome1 11

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:59

so glad my mum's not like that !! :)

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Monday 24 January 2011 13:09

Stupid Mormons.... that's why I got myself excommunicated....

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Monday 24 January 2011 15:57

Thank you.

supertacowaffle 41

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Sunday 30 January 2011 11:30

that's really fucked up:@

bubblybrooke 12

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Friday 8 July 2011 4:50

I'm in the exact same boat, I don't get an opinion at my house. 1 1/2 more years.

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Thursday 25 August 2011 21:23

That's not Utah. That's just some strict Mormons in utah

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Monday 29 August 2011 11:00

My parents use the phrase "we should've trained you better"

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Tuesday 22 November 2011 21:18

I agree #3

WiredTechnician 26

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Friday 7 June 2013 11:45

Not always XD my parents aren't like that and I'm from Utah

Sir_Random_Guy 17

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Wednesday 9 July 2014 10:56

My mom uses the phrase "your the worst son ever"

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:19

=[ this FML isn't funny

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:22

Three words: fuck your life

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:57

AGREED!!! That is absolute BULLSHIT!!!! Nobody, especially your mother of all people, should be spreading those lies!!! The people who wrote that magazine deserve to burn!!!!

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Monday 24 January 2011 13:06

Nobody deserves to burn. It's only an opinion, a very bad one, but still, freedom of speech for everybody.

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Monday 24 January 2011 15:51

No, the only people who deserve to burn are those who wish an unnecessarily painful death on others.

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:16

and witches!!! They should burn at the stake!!!!

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Monday 24 January 2011 19:13

Why should Witches burn at the stake ? Did they do something to you that you have to be mean and vindictive ?

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Monday 24 January 2011 21:46

111- you ruined it.

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 1:56

does that mean you need to burn 77? if so I brought matches :D

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 4:42

whatever

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 7:20

doc bastard you mean like you just did yourself?

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:23

That sucks.

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:24

wow that's awful. sorry :(

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:25

Congrats, your mom is a Nazi! :P

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:35

a control nazi

unfortunate_13 5

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:39

psycho mom!!

MissFukMyLuck 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 15:20

well I agree with watching your kids while their dating...the whole teen pregnancy epidemic is at large... but my mom was controlling like that and as soon as I moved out I went crazy with freedom. parents these days don't know when to quit or just don't give a shit anymore.

yourWIFEandKIDS 0

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:19

HAIL HITLER!

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 13:42

Lmfaooo !!!

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Saturday 26 May 2012 15:37

Heil Hitler *

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:28

Dinner with your mom :D

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:32

isn't Utah full of crazy mormons? just call the Feds and tell them you are being held against your will

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Monday 24 January 2011 13:43

technically it doesn't matter since op's still a minor. they'll just call it parenting.

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Monday 24 January 2011 14:24

excuse me? I'm a Mormon, we aren't crazy. I agree the mother is being completely ridiculous but that has nothing to do with being mormon.

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Monday 24 January 2011 16:23

Don't take it personally... most people are going to assume OP's mother is religious because of how "strict" the magazine is, how backwards their opinion is and how she agrees with it.

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Monday 24 January 2011 18:54

plus the fact that op lives in Utah. everyone assumes that all residents of Utah are mormons. like it's a state law to live there or something.

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Monday 24 January 2011 22:48

Mormons are an enthnic group of crazy controlling parents that don't want anybody to hear good music that says fuck or to drink before your 18 I will propably move to Europe so I don't have to raise my kids with super strict friends that we all know are full of shit

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Tuesday 25 January 2011 2:11

yeah I'm Mormon too. ur mom is just a crazy controlling bitch kinda like my dad

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:32

That sucks!!

amazinglover69 0

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Monday 24 January 2011 12:32

terrible