By Anonymous Brutal Today, my girlfriend told me that she prefers to be on top because I appear skinnier than I actually am. FML I agree, your life sucks 1271 You deserved it 250 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BadDad - United States - San Diego Today, I was summoned to the bathroom by my three-year-old, who still needs help cleaning up sometimes. When I walked in, he looked so happy and proud as he pointed to the trash can saying, "Look at my big poop!". Buying a new trash can tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 4742 You deserved it 616 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By squeak - United Kingdom Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML I agree, your life sucks 34045 You deserved it 13922 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML I agree, your life sucks 68345 You deserved it 7288 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 14:02 - Singapore - Singapore No Gods, No Masters Today, it's been 3 weeks of being sick with gastritis and constantly feeling pain and weak. I've been pushing myself to work, and despite doing 150+ files, my boss said it’s not good enough for the company and hinted I might be let go. I got my job during the pandemic and might be losing it after 3 months. FML I agree, your life sucks 1017 You deserved it 61 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By A. - Canada Today, after two weeks of living on plain pasta, I finally got my paycheck and was excited that I'd get real food, and ride the subway instead of exhausting my malnourished body with the two-hour walk to work. My surname was misspelt on the check; the bank is holding it for ten days. FML I agree, your life sucks 81121 You deserved it 4076 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By distressed - Australia Today, my boyfriend started his first day of work. After saying our goodbyes, I went into our bedroom to get changed, picked up one of my blouses and found a camera, still recording. I guess someone has major trust issues. FML I agree, your life sucks 31383 You deserved it 4060 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Seattle Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML I agree, your life sucks 11553 You deserved it 1356 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom was talking about my grandma's approaching death. When she saw I was getting upset, she gave me a weird look and asked me if I was PMSing. FML I agree, your life sucks 23746 You deserved it 1755 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By johnny121 - France Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 35926 You deserved it 2643 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By k.k. - United States - Seymour Today, I left 20 minutes early for school to get a good seat in class. I sat in traffic for 20 minutes before I even got on the thruway and for another 25 minutes once I got off the exit for school. Then I couldn't find parking at my university. I missed class. FML I agree, your life sucks 6818 You deserved it 782 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Germany - Wuppertal Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML I agree, your life sucks 1504 You deserved it 135 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wait..what - United States Today, I was in class just taking notes and minding my own business. The teacher has already called my parents twice complaining about me. As we are taking 3 pages of notes she grabs mine and rips them up, saying that she is sick and tired of me drawing. I was drawing the graphs on the board. FML I agree, your life sucks 51553 You deserved it 3412 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 17:00 - United Stated - Portland Stormy weather Today, I was about to have sex with my long-term boyfriend, when it started to rain. He was so interested in the storm that he left me half naked to look outside. FML I agree, your life sucks 1038 You deserved it 211 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoCirculation - 24/11/2020 14:03 - Netherlands - Utrecht Thermoregulation wars Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML I agree, your life sucks 766 You deserved it 135 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By datgurllllukno - United States Food for thought Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML I agree, your life sucks 42108 You deserved it 5936 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By more than I wanted to know - Italy - San Giustino Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 84929 You deserved it 5838 188 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By meowitzer - 22/4/2020 05:02 All over the place Today, a close, funny friend who has quite the attitude, received a long email from a long-time friend of hers, telling her how difficult she is. When I told her it doesn’t matter, that she is still wonderful, she went off on how bad a friend I am for saying that, and then deleted me off WhatsApp. FML I agree, your life sucks 1308 You deserved it 174 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, my husband, who has been in a coma for 5 weeks, woke up. When I went to visit him, the first thing he did was try and continue the argument we had been having before he crashed the car. FML I agree, your life sucks 23800 You deserved it 2395 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML I agree, your life sucks 20898 You deserved it 53195 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Greece Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML I agree, your life sucks 60566 You deserved it 3805 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Dared Today, I was dared to stand and hold a sign saying, "Free Hugs." This girl I'd never seen before gave me a crushing hug and cried hysterically on my shoulder in the blazing afternoon sun. I couldn't get her off. FML I agree, your life sucks 941 You deserved it 1052 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By h4rdy - United States Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML I agree, your life sucks 12158 You deserved it 36976 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By StinkyDogs - United States Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML I agree, your life sucks 33608 You deserved it 11182 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 21ShitCleaner - United States - Poway Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML I agree, your life sucks 33957 You deserved it 2857 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By frustrated - United States - Antioch Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML I agree, your life sucks 58679 You deserved it 3561 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NeverNumberOne Friendzone 2.0 Today, I finally got the courage to ask my best friend to go on a date with me. She assumed I meant a double date and squealed, "Who's the lucky guy?!" She thought I was her gay best friend for the past year. FML I agree, your life sucks 4733 You deserved it 690 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By itsjustwill - United States - Puyallup Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML I agree, your life sucks 36002 You deserved it 2138 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By me - United States - Richmond Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML I agree, your life sucks 40299 You deserved it 8496 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kb10 Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML I agree, your life sucks 16146 You deserved it 75211 251 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By randa Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML I agree, your life sucks 10201 You deserved it 56788 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mzgabbster - United States Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML I agree, your life sucks 37952 You deserved it 3339 195 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Croatia - Zagreb Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML I agree, your life sucks 31334 You deserved it 3389 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FlamedOut Today, I discovered that my Tinder date is the roommate and best friend of a date from the previous week that went sour. He also hangs out with my former high school flame. What are the chances? FML I agree, your life sucks 3768 You deserved it 434 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Washington Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML I agree, your life sucks 41697 You deserved it 5157 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ej6901 - United States - Ventnor City Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML I agree, your life sucks 22734 You deserved it 18984 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kumbuck3t15 - Mexico - Distrito Federal Today, I decided I need to get a life. I reached this epiphany when I failed to take notice of my friend calling me, until he started calling out my Xbox gamertag. FML I agree, your life sucks 8491 You deserved it 25764 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TasedAndDazed - United States Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML I agree, your life sucks 13426 You deserved it 42822 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kl - Canada Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML I agree, your life sucks 24998 You deserved it 4747 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML I agree, your life sucks 23719 You deserved it 7018 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmlalways - United Kingdom Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML I agree, your life sucks 56567 You deserved it 5107 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, when thinking about an Star Wars meme that said, "Quote Star Wars to describe your sex life", I realized that I had to stop at the title screen:... I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 59 1 Comments
Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 471 You deserved it 226 2 Comments
