By Anonymous Brutal Today, my girlfriend told me that she prefers to be on top because I appear skinnier than I actually am. FML I agree, your life sucks 1286 You deserved it 253 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous The Taste of Love Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1384 You deserved it 283 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoMoney4Me - United States - York Today, I went for a job interview. Before giving me a tour, the manager pointed to my purse and said, "Better leave that in my office." I didn't know why it was safer in her office than on my shoulder, but I complied. Later, I went to buy coffee and discovered that all my cash was missing. FML I agree, your life sucks 26680 You deserved it 3948 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RyanSmithN - United States Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML I agree, your life sucks 26174 You deserved it 9186 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Carencro Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML I agree, your life sucks 51174 You deserved it 7387 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Me - United States - Homer Glen Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML I agree, your life sucks 89323 You deserved it 3894 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Vallejo Today, I was stretching after a group run. I noticed one of the girls was having problems balancing, so I told her that I have horrible balance too, but that it'll get better. She sneered and said she had a brain tumor when she was a kid, and that's why she has such bad balance. FML I agree, your life sucks 49237 You deserved it 6832 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kara - United States Today, my downstairs neighbor had a home birth. Not only did I hear eighteen hours of uninterrupted screaming, they called me afterwards, asking if I could come over to help them clean up. FML I agree, your life sucks 41176 You deserved it 2766 196 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sorry - New Zealand - Auckland Today, it's my birthday. I've spent most of it apologizing to my parents for the "hassle" of "having" to arrange a simple birthday dinner. Sorry I was born, guys. FML I agree, your life sucks 38186 You deserved it 3245 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Birthday Boy Happy Birthday Today, my family asked where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner. They shot down my every suggestion and decided on sushi. I'm allergic, so the only thing I could eat was a veggie appetizer. Dad said I need to "expand my palate." FML I agree, your life sucks 5064 You deserved it 328 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML I agree, your life sucks 1809 You deserved it 183 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous He's a very naughty boy Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML I agree, your life sucks 1451 You deserved it 132 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML I agree, your life sucks 35432 You deserved it 10423 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By teach - Canada Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML I agree, your life sucks 52716 You deserved it 4095 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By buttsmcgee - United States - Roseburg Today, we finally got paperwork saying we were approved for a loan to buy a house! The only problem? It's not eligible for the county we live in. FML I agree, your life sucks 9984 You deserved it 919 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dean Roberts - 1/2/2021 13:01 - United States - Cedar Falls Compassionate management Today, my manager said it was my choice to have surgery on my arm and that I shouldn't complain, everyone goes through pain. She's right, but I was born with a birth defect in my wrist. The surgery was going to happen sooner or later, I didn't want to be born this way. FML I agree, your life sucks 810 You deserved it 47 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By littl3storm - 11/7/2020 08:08 Dad of the month Today, I found out that my 'dad', the man who couldn't afford to buy me a bed, despite sleeping on the floor for 3+ years, has spent well over $3000 on sex chat lines, as well as cheating us out of child payments. He doesn't understand why I refuse to talk to him. FML I agree, your life sucks 2010 You deserved it 96 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pissedandcomputerless - United States - Lawrence Today, I failed on a school presentation because I was not prepared. Apparently, the fact that my computer crapped itself and started giving off smoke last period isn't a good reason for not having my presentation prepared. FML I agree, your life sucks 44951 You deserved it 8651 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DuChaillu - United States Today, my boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he took his shirt and then pants off first. He was wearing zebra striped knee high socks and underwear. I burst out laughing. He left. FML I agree, your life sucks 12088 You deserved it 27692 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - American Canyon Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML I agree, your life sucks 40589 You deserved it 7367 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Charlotte - United States Today, I arrived at work at 8, and business was abnormally slow, but we assumed it would pick up. Few hours later, we had not had a single customer. As I walk out of the restaurant, I realize the open sign has been off all day. FML I agree, your life sucks 11090 You deserved it 38926 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonomous - Canada - Whitby Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML I agree, your life sucks 38795 You deserved it 3883 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML I agree, your life sucks 38662 You deserved it 6488 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nolips - Norway Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML I agree, your life sucks 36926 You deserved it 3137 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SwedishBozo - United States Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML I agree, your life sucks 32823 You deserved it 325811 498 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Durham Today, I had a doctor's appointment because I've recently lost weight. I'm already underweight, and I was concerned because the weight loss has been causing some other health concerns to worsen. My doctor's exact words of advice? "Eating food usually leads to weight gain." FML I agree, your life sucks 1691 You deserved it 298 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 713 - United States Today, the girl I like sent me a Facebook message telling me how the message I left on her phone was one of the funniest drunk dials she's ever gotten. I'm debating whether or not I should tell her that I don't drink. FML I agree, your life sucks 32425 You deserved it 4171 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notestojenn - United States - Manchester Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML I agree, your life sucks 23927 You deserved it 2087 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MGZ - United States Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML I agree, your life sucks 45253 You deserved it 8539 366 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML I agree, your life sucks 48383 You deserved it 4496 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML I agree, your life sucks 28755 You deserved it 5388 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By masterzach21 - United States Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML I agree, your life sucks 8982 You deserved it 41125 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML I agree, your life sucks 25243 You deserved it 9623 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Carpet cleaner - Canada Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 29960 You deserved it 2652 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ariel_Mariaa - Canada Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 29455 You deserved it 4263 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notyouraverage Today, I was doing a PowerPoint presentation in front of my whole class, when I accidentally clicked on the folder that has zillions of pictures of my crush. He's one of my classmates. FML I agree, your life sucks 2429 You deserved it 6780 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Simms - United States Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 22448 You deserved it 6437 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went on a camping trip. I already had a bad back, and then the guy in charge took us on a hike. My shoes were too small, and now I'm hobbling around with a bad back and foot. Every time I limp, it hurts my back, but if I walk normally, it hurts my foot. FML I agree, your life sucks 10325 You deserved it 5259 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Angela - United States Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML I agree, your life sucks 38149 You deserved it 3501 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Almost_Homeless - Canada - London Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML I agree, your life sucks 46898 You deserved it 3384 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous The Dilbert Principle Today, I had to attend an interview in order to keep my job, despite exceeding all of my targets for over a year. My supervisor has not reached a single target at all in the same time, yet his job is safe and not under review. FML I agree, your life sucks 1577 You deserved it 89 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the... I agree, your life sucks 217 You deserved it 46 0 Comments
Today, a guy propositioned me for a threesome with his girlfriend. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he's knows I'm gay and have a boyfriend, or... I agree, your life sucks 576 You deserved it 38 4 Comments
