Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML
Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML
Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML
Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
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Top comments
stupidpplsuck 33
That's probably because you go through your daughters phone. No sympathy from me Voldy.
neeni88 23
Could it simply be because you lack a nose and not due to your "evil" ways as a Mom? If it's any consolation, if your kids hate you, you must be doing something right!
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Comments (209)
ocampo 6
treat her like harry then
AliceAristocrat 12
Embrace your evilness and lack of nose.
Kozmotis 8
Quit being so "nosy."
Fedezzer 20
Hmm, 'cause a tasteful joke deserves dislikes doesn't it?
Enslaved 38
I bet your daughter wished she put a "Colloportus" spell on her phone. :P
jamesrod885 6
I would have been up front and her response is all I would need to know if we are in need of a parenting moment. I wouldn't go through her phone unless she has questions after our talk and wants me to help her and ask would ask her to show what she wants to show me.
bonesofkhaos 9
I bet her step mom wouldn't go through her phone. Just saying.
sulitak 27
I bet the stepmom also isn't in charge of discipline.
mollyjynxjax 28
She probably does discipline her when she visits them. All of the step-parents I know have disciplinary privileges.
acerredrum 23
I lived with my ex and his kids for two years, the girls preferred me to their mother because I got down on their level with them and played every day. I taught them new things, if they had any questions even if I didn't know the answer I would look it up and try and make a game of it if I could. Even though I was more disciplinary than their mother they liked me better because all she did was sit on the computer all day and smoke. To the point where the oldest said, "When I grow up I want to be a mommy so I can play on the computer all day and smoke." I'm not saying OP is a bad mother I am simply saying we have no way of knowing she isn't.
Gnu_fml 9
I've found that children take their anger and/or frustration out on those who they feel the safest with. Not always fun being the litterbin but rather that than being someone they are afraid to talk to. This could actually be an honour, OP! Still, ydi (i.e. the Voldemort name) for snooping! That's disrespectful.
dantee2005 33
Spy much?
perdix 31
If your kid was a Slytherin or a Death Eater, wouldn't that be high praise?
fischerxx 10
You did it to yourself for invading her privacy