Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
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Top comments
Tweekz14 5
So I'm guessing you swallow?
nofearjenshere 12
It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.
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Comments (322)
jebento 0
Um if a banana went down your air pipe you would be dead....nice try though
ravenxcorvinus 9
geez, is already hated for trying to help a fellow out! this makes me sad :(
LSS_fml 18
This is why I don't eat bananas, or hot dogs, or any other awkwardly shaped foods.
FYLminerocks 7
*penis shaped foods
LSS_fml 18
Exactly
Commander223 9
Wait hold on.. Bad head? I don't know about you guys. But for me, head is always amazing
nowthenagain10 8
IS head always amazing for dudes?? As a lady i can say that for me its really a hit or miss thing. Or the guys just didnt know what they were doing
twisted_cherub 14
Always? I'm guessing you've never had a girl bite you, scrape her teeth over the head, not use enough spit, gag and throw up on you, stop right before you cum, or the always boring put-her-mouth-on-it-but-not-move-because-she-really-doesn't-want-to-do-it-at-all thing. Either that, or you're young and any time a girl touches your dick is amazing.
nowthenagain10 8
Lol i said i was a girl. So no ive never had someone bite my dick
twisted_cherub 14
I was replying to Commander.
nowthenagain10 8
Ah that makes more sense now my bad
Roxxxxay 13
"There's only good sex and no sex" haha
jbuckets_404 38
That's right; just like bad pizza is still pizza, bad sex is still sex! lol
ravenxcorvinus 9
(re-read FML) wow, now i see where i've failed... *sulks, then laughs*
KrayKrayGurl117 7
Nastyyyyyyyyy. I HATE bananas
titzenpitzer 9
describe the banana.
titzenpitzer 9
continue...
bizarre_ftw 21
Long, kinda hard on the outside, filled with softish white matter that is often swallowed and occasionally spit out, and dangerous to inhale apparently
ravenxcorvinus 9
i still stand by my comment! :D lungs full of "potassium" while not cool--he STILL shouldn't complain! you being the E.R. for something in your lungs... hmm. sperm or bananas? take your pick, FYL.
Melissa92_fml 13
SHUSH
Enslaved 36
Practice makes perfect. Just be glad the banana didn't grab the back of your head and push you waaaayyyy down. :P
berichsoon 11
Some girls like that lol
GothicAngel17 24
64- is that what you learnt from watching ****?
berichsoon 11
136) From girls I know. girls hate admitting that and you are one of them
downtime 12
153, Very few girls LIKE this. Most are quite capable of doing the entire action on their own without your assistance.
safx09 7
Yes I'm sure there are a few (emphasis on few) girls in the world that would like that... do you enjoy coughing, dry heaving and losing control of your wind pipe? Then yay you will love it!
glittercookies 12
You don't inhale like that when you give head.
Wtfeezy 5
Listen to her! She's the expert!
berichsoon 11
She knows what she's talking about
jessimica642 8
Well it's true that's probably the problem right there.