By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks 23 634
You deserved it 29 313

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Top comments

justlikeme79 9

Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.

ThatLooksSticky 16

Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.


aaah!! that blows!!

I don't get why people still try to do these puns...they are widely refuted by almost that whole FML community yet people still comment with stuff like this

Rei_Ayanami 18

I'm waiting for "that bites!" or some other terrible pun. I believe people do it because despite the public outcry of rage, they think the are clever and funny.

36, BRAVO! great job! *gives a standing ovation* (I think that's the right spelling and/or word)

biasedshooter 24

It was alot punnyer than your jokes, stfu and stop trolling Ps. Grammar nazis i love you

No, should be, *It bites*.

You're supposed to lick it like an icecream cone and suck it like a lollipop ^_^

I don't know about you but I go ape shit on an ice cream cone

As long as don't "chomp"...I'm sure thatt makes your partner verrryyy happy xD

different strokes for different folks

quick question who the hell sucks on a lollipop?

Keevarou sorry your wrong Lil Wayne gave clear instructions to "lick it like a lollipop"

ShroomsOnAcid 16

Well I don't know about you all, but I bite my ice cream and crunch my lollipops.

Chill it was a JOKE man.

FYLDeep 25

Who gives a shit what Lil Wanye thinks? Let him lick or suck whatever he wants.

I don't but it was the only relative joke

46- It was a joke, if you take that too seriously then that's a problem.

He said he likes to answer seriously at times... So he knows it was a joke.

Calm your raging hormones, yall ;D

No teeth on ice cream! That makes my teeth hurt. Sucking on lollipop is the best! Fastest way to finish the lollipop and no chance of hurting my tongue on the rough spots in the beginning.

Well fuck lil Wayne

ChilledDubstepa 6

I laughed at 53's comment.

umm_Talk 9

I think that's why old ladies give the best head. They have no teeth.

Brooke__Lynn 5

I've never used my teeth. I will swirl my tongue around while he's in my mouth and use my hand for what doesn't go in my mouth ;-)

maz255 10

139 well hello there, nice to meet you :D

No teeth! Whatever you do, don't go there

Rei_Ayanami 18

Some guys like that, I guess it's just an ask first thing. Another option is to just have them guide you verbally as to what the want at the moment.

So is that brought up over diner? "So how do you want me to suck you later?" Best. Date. Ever.

Actually, my boyfriend likes it when I gently nibble.

RedPillSucks 31

guide verbally, as in him: Oww, owww oowwww!!!! Don't do it like that! her: what, honey? him: less teeth, more tongue! her: like this? *slurp* him: less drool, fool!!!! her: *bites harder* him: oww! shit!!!!

kaykay20 0

Less drool? If you even had a sucker in your mouth you'd now having something the mouth causes saliva to build up with only one place to go when not swallowing much, outside the mouth.

kaykay20 0


justlikeme79 9

Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.

Jdimp 1

nom nom nom

I don't always feel like I have to give tips (hehe!), but if I had one piece of sage advice to lend, it would be that sucking at blowing does more harm than good: the girl sucks longer, and (of course) the dude is in pain. Interestingly enough, the best BJ I ever received came from a girl with braces. Apparently, she had no trouble wrapping her head around that concept... |the kid|

blow jobs are God's gift to men

That's like asking why did god give you life.. Just want to put it out there, it wasn't just ur mom and dad believe me.

Let's not forget, what ever you revive good or not.. Its from god. :)

ShroomsOnAcid 16

No, blow jobs are women's gift to men. So...God = women?

Who created eve?

"If this becomes a debate on religion we're turning off the comments" Your welcome Alan on the FML team said it for you (:

Beebow_fml 5

Isn't it sacreligious to have any type of sex purely for pleasure that involves the "spilling of the seed" or something like that? I think blowjobs are the French's gift to men.

bobbycorwen 5

Yes. God's gift to men was the free will to get blow jays.

God's gift to man was to not exist. Shazzam.

iceblue_fml 0

Actually BJs happened atleast as far back as the roman times and also there are monkeys who do oral sex on eachother. So it may surpass humans alltogether.

bobbycorwen 5

I don't believe in gods either, but you need solid information to validate that claim.

67: it is only sacrilegious if you are having sex with your dead brothers wife.

Hot dog are both disgusting and delicious. Ours is a complicated relationship.

Ask him to demonstrate on a banana for you. ;)

ShroomsOnAcid 16

A banana's still not quite the same. I say we make it more realistic.

umm_Talk 9

I hate it when my junk gets chomped on too! :-P

serious question- what would motorboating feel like? lmao

TheChad85 1

Guys like some feedback too, help us help u. I'm just speaking for myself but I like to aim for Perfection, so it would behoove girls to provide us with a few words of advice and let us keep trying.

bombroot 9

Thanks for the mental image ...

KittyJay 3

kinda your fault... sorry. may i make a suggestion for practice? get a banana... spread peanut butter all over the banana.... add honey for lubrication if you want... your task is to get the peanut butter all off without breaking or putting teethmarks on the banana... you're welcome...

Miss_Trejo 5

Wow. I don't think I could spread peanut butter on a banana without ending with a terrible mush.

Lqum26 0

That's what she said

ShroomsOnAcid 16

Honey for lubrication? Honey doesn't exactly have the reputation of being wet and slippery.

OhLohd111 11

I kinda thought that continuing to give head until it's perfect would be practice enough so you know exactly what he likes... No?


TheChad85 1

Agreed ^^ guys don't typically mind helping u achieve Perfection

Iknowsomeguyswhoarebetterthanladiesatthis xD

G0v3nat0r 7

I wonder how many girls are actually going to try this

FoxRacerGirl7 7

Ha Ha Ha Ha oh my gosh!

brock329 3