Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
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Top comments
Tweekz14 5
So I'm guessing you swallow?
nofearjenshere 12
It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.
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Comments (322)
Unlucky_Gun 0
So when a girl gives head potasium fills her lungs afterwards? JUST KIDDING! Haha. But teah, fyl
mellophone21 0
I'm not sure you're doing it right...
Vanilla1Thrilla 0
Bananas aren't the answer! I wouldn't stress it OP. Tell your boyfriend he needs to communicate better with you when things are getting hot. I'm sure you would tell him what feels good when he's going down on you. If you don't know what he likes or wants, you can never be good at pleasuring him. I went through a similar situation with my girlfriend. I never told her she was terrible though. We just started talking about "things" and "things" started feeling better... I would also like to point out that normally when a man's penis is/was in a female's mouth, he doesn't complain. However, if she was a raker or a biter his complaint would be legitimate. So OP, as long as you weren't using your teeth, he really shouldn't be complaining. He possibly just might not even like his dinghy in the saliva ocean.
Gtaylorfication 0
I had to post somthing....my picture fits this FMl very well :P
cott0nballs 7
Erm. You could have thought twice and know that bananas are soft and easy to break...
fml849 7
He's really evil by telling you you're bad at it. Instead, he should just let you know what he wants you to do.
downtime 12
You're assuming he hasn't told her why she isn't good at it, he may just expect her to choke on it til she vomits. This would be unlikely to be rectified within a single session, hence her practicing. Doesn't take much imagination to work out why you jumping to conclusions and actually saying hes "evil" for lack of communication was pretty damn stupid.
DarkPyramidHead 3
Bananas are not sex toys.
stalkerstatus101 5
Well this fits your username perfectly!!!!
cat0720 9
That's kind of the point.
jellybeardoggie 4
Are you a nun ?
aaronswagn 3
Yo go to the doctors, it wild suck if you died from a banana o.o