Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
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Top comments
Tweekz14 5
So I'm guessing you swallow?
nofearjenshere 12
It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.
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Comments (322)
cookie_crumble89 11
You chocked on it?
suncifir 6
Chocked?
trollfaced 2
Yeah, chocked.
cookie_crumble89 11
I meant choked
micahsmommy 13
Chocked = A combination of '****' and 'choked'. No more need to say "I choked on his ****" you now can just say "I chocked". Coming to the Urban Dictionary in 2012.
kandi_kid69 15
More like inhaled it.
linkinpark98 23
This gave me a quite amusing visual in my head…
ravenxcorvinus 9
he complains???
coolstorybro6969 6
If its still there afterwards, wtf is he complaining about
Llama_Face89 33
Only reason I can think of is OP uses teeth...otherwise her bf shouldn't have any reason to complain.
iloveweed69 7
Lollipops are better
trullululul 0
Now we know why you need practoce
ravenxcorvinus 9
#17: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&redir_esc=&client=ms-android-sprint-us&source=android-browser-type&v=133247963&qsubts=1334188843380&action=devloc&q=practoce&v=133247963
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
22 your seriously too lazy to write ( practice*)
trullululul 0
I know I spelled it wrong... The one time I trust autocorrect in my life it let's me down...
nofearjenshere 12
Next time, dont bite.
adriandba94 2
Lol.
Trisha_aus 15
So what's the problem? You swallow
Sumo69 9
Very good girl lol
knight0748 5
Shoulda start with a pickle instead.
Epsilonyx 15
Choke and die haha
Plinkin 10
What is he complaining about? Sounds to me like you're doing it right!