Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
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Top comments
Tweekz14 5
So I'm guessing you swallow?
nofearjenshere 12
It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.
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Comments (322)
TheBonzaiGirl 0
Op, does your name happen to be Ms. Chokesondick? ;)
jhart97 4
Throat is fine, I worry about teeth the most. Pics?
killd0ll 3
When they said deep throating that's not what they meant...
crablegs 2
You mwah there's such a thing as a bad *******?
march_17 0
You could have read a article in Cosmopolitan on how to give head.
diidiimi 10
Next time try a cucumber. There's less fruit-**** in those.
SoultheWolf 19
What...the...****... Seriously..? You don't inhale you suck. Learn to breathe through your nose NOT your mouth when giving a ******** and it will be not only a lot easier for you but a lot better for your boyfriend.
ShelbyDugger 4
I love how everyone's so open about how they give head and are trying to give you advise like they're experts on it. AWESOME guys. I mean girls.
kofeinisti 6
I'd much rather hear a guy's advice on how to give head than a girl's, guys know what they're talking about. Way too many girls think they're great at giving head because far too few guys complain about bad ********, they're just happy to have their dick in a girl's mouth.
Dracoboxer357 35
230- ......Fine, since you asked and no one else seems to want to volunteer an opinion as a "Blow-job Recipient", I shall presume to give advice as a male spokesperson. :p (1st, understand there are different preferences for different guys, so take it with a grain of salt.) A ******* uses your mouth, but that doesn't mean you can't use your hands to do half the work for you. Polish the first 2 or 3 inches with your mouth, and use your hands to simultaneously stroke the rest of the full length. Believe me, guys are used to stroking their cocks with a little more force than what your lips can squeeze. Suck and stroke together. And please, no teeth. :p That's scary, not sexy. When we say suck, we don't mean take the nob right off. Think about using as much force as you'd use on a Popsicle, maybe a bit more. Tease with it, don't try to do maximum damage in minimum time. :) Some guys are visual and love to watch. Some like moaning for the mental stimuli and humming sensation. Try it and communicate, best advice I can give. (That was a little awkward, hope it helps the girls and benefits the men out there!) Cheers! ;)
Hts777 4
At least you're trying to improve
corleon198425 22
Let me freshen your breath