Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
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Top comments
JessieTaft 17
Great start to the day.
TheGriizlyBear 22
More Dora, less Family Guy
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Comments (94)
beba117 3
I love your daughter!!! Awesome
fsomelife 26
Perhaps it's time to explain that animals being killed or hurt isn't funny. Definitely don't get pets for a few years.
Bragi 12
92 - So, going vegan soon?
fsomelife 26
What does that have anything to do with this FML or my comment? There's a difference between killing an animal for food and being entertained by a gruesome death.
Bikerboy118 1
I blame tv
Bluebl4ze 16
:D..Leave it be. Ur daughter wouldn't even remember it a few days from here. Kids can be totally random at times.
Mightytall 35
The laughing instead of screaming is not a completely unnatural reaction to something so incredible. Incredible in the sense of unbelieveable. Some people react like that to the most traumatic of events. The swear words are completely on you and your hubby though...
aBanana_1 10
Serial killer in the making...
newyorkcityguy 9
That's pretty funny. She's right though, the bird is quite stupid for flying right into a car.
Joedbag 8
You're daughter is awesome!
Sakuraashita 15
It might be time to talk with her about the situation and try to understand what she found funny about it, and where she learned to say that. Maybe somebody she knows is a bad influence for her?
absloute0 10
Make her watch a day of animal planet