Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
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Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
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Top comments
JessieTaft 17
Great start to the day.
TheGriizlyBear 22
More Dora, less Family Guy
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Comments (94)
Petey801 5
Bad parenting is happening, if she's using that kind of language
RedPillSucks 33
Kids hear his stuff from their peer group. It doesn't have to be the parents fault
MRP360 14
its not the parents fault but it's their responsibility to teach their kids about the language
syed121417 22
You can't honestly think with TV and movies nowadays that it's all the parents fault that kids pick up cuss words, unless you restrict them from any of that which not many people do. Then there's school. If there is a kid in her class always using that type of language, she's going to pick it up while she's young, unless she's home schooled. Still, when outside the home there are always trashy people who don't watch what they say in front of children. Essentially, the parent can't really do anything in this day and age the prevent their kid from knowing swear words. If they say them, however, they can only punish not prevent them from doing it again. Or just tell them not to say those words
mooman36 15
Ahh I did stuff like that when I was a kid. Absolutely love animals though, never hurt one in my life.
MandyMeow_fml 18
Maybe no small animals for her for the time being, just to be safe...
Shopduster 9
Something my 3 year old would say...
Respect101 17
That's not something I would be proud to admit on the internet....
Tinad01 12
Or anywhere, really. A child that talks like that is not funny, its messed up. Innocent children dont use words like that..
jazzy_123 20
no, its funny and cute (to many) until the kid starts calling the parents rude names when they're about 8.
olpally 33
Lol. I would laugh too.
martin8337 36
Out of the mouths of babes.
Bragi 12
She bomb-proof. Be glad.
drunkmunkey 24
don't feel too bad, I had an owl commit suicide by windshield... It was a bad day, I like owls :(
Xeebar 28
Your daughter is awesome!!
GentlemanBastard 15
Desensitized youth of today. Yay internet and video games!
RussianAutumn 4
Oh, come on. That completely ignores the loads of research which shows video games have little to no detrimental effects.
GentlemanBastard 15
I agree completely. I grew up playing tons of violent video games, and I'm very peaceful. I'm not saying they make you violent, but it is much more "normal" for children to be exposed to it at a younger age. This culture is full of violence, and it would take some extreme sheltering to keep your kids from seeing it. OP's daughter probably has seen her fair share of gore and violence (fictional, of course) and isn't affected by the sight of it.
syed121417 22
Or she heard someone say stupid bastard and decided to say it herself because that's what kids do