Intimacy: Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and...

By Hey_Buddy_ - 11/06/2015 03:38 - United States - Jensen Beach

Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 911

You deserved it 6 710

Hey_Buddy_ tells us more.

Hey_Buddy_ 9

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Thursday 18 June 2015 10:38

My bf isn't the most publicly affectionate guy (and I'm not the most publicly affectionate girl either, so it works out) so we saw each other with friends for a few hours before retreating back to spend time with just each other. I found this to be really funny, I just wanted to share it and didn't really have anyone to talk to about it and stuck it on here, never expecting it to be published. It's not like he hadn't said anything along those lines, just as far as saying "I missed you" my boobs and vagina got those first lol Nope, my boyfriend is wonderful and makes me laugh like crazy, and I'm even sitting in his apartment visiting him for a few days right now, laughing at all the comments on this post.

Intimacy

Compromises

You tried

Christine

Supportive

By makayta - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a coworker asked me how I was because I looked down. I said, "You don't want to know." They replied, "You're right, I don't," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 281

You deserved it 4 138

By crackie - 16/06/2016 17:45 - Korea, Republic of

Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 471

You deserved it 717

By Noname - 25/02/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 314

You deserved it 40 051

I'm late… for business!

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 17:01 - Australia - Crows Nest

Today, the magazine that had my ad in it came out. There’s never been an ad for my niche before. But there was a bigger, better ad for exactly the same thing before mine. Yet another failed business idea for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 70

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 02:43 - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 984

You deserved it 3 759

By Anonymous - 10/05/2017 04:00

Today, my mom came in to hug me while I was sleeping, or so I thought. I woke up and tried to hug her back, only to find she had wrapped a tape measure around me. She was trying to measure my bust size to win a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 776

You deserved it 365

By embarassed_chick - 24/08/2009 19:59 - United States

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 618

You deserved it 4 765

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 18:49 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 957

You deserved it 3 833

By mydaughterisdisturbed - 12/08/2013 00:58 - United States - Huntingburg

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 953

You deserved it 5 823

By crucets - 06/10/2010 04:37 - United States

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 166

You deserved it 57 241

By Renagirl - 09/09/2013 12:46 - United States - East Hartford

Today, the guy I love asked me if hooking up counted as dating, because he thinks I'm "super hot," but he doesn't want "all the relationship shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 351

You deserved it 5 289

By Emma - 01/08/2011 21:29 - United States

Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 042

You deserved it 3 453

By Cat lover - 23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 444

You deserved it 959

By some band player - 10/03/2014 02:09 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I had a music duet in front of a crowd and 3 judges. I play tuba and my partner plays the saxophone. He burst out laughing in the middle of it because one note that I played sounded like a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 4 596

By socreepedouticanteven - 27/10/2014 00:05 - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 444

You deserved it 6 134

By kait - 29/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 927

You deserved it 2 335

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 601

You deserved it 43 726

Spooky

By dear god help me. - 04/09/2013 22:46 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 025

You deserved it 3 530

By Anonymous - 09/02/2015 20:42 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 743

You deserved it 4 317

By wtf? - 19/07/2014 05:53 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother compared having me as a daughter to having a deadly kind of cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 247

You deserved it 5 664

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 171

You deserved it 51 226

By jnr1234 - 20/06/2012 02:15 - United States - Princeton

Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 531

You deserved it 2 458

By tagteam - 05/07/2012 16:30 - United States - Worcester

Today, after backpacking acrossing Europe for a month, I picked up my dog from the doghouse. No one will listen to me or acknowledge the fact that he's now missing two toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 408

You deserved it 2 749

By Anonymous - 14/08/2017 13:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad refused to give me permission to marry his daughter because I'm "covered in gang tattoos" and he doesn't want his daughter marrying a criminal. The only tattoos I have are the Game of Thrones direwolf and a quote from the Lord of the Rings movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 712

You deserved it 1 340

By Ctmusher - 14/04/2017 16:00

Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 913

You deserved it 396

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 618

You deserved it 46 079

By JJ - 21/03/2016 19:06 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 336

You deserved it 9 412

By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 04:09 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 622

You deserved it 1 775

By TrappedInSchool - 28/07/2018 12:30 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I found out that my parents lied to me about my GPA so they could go back on our agreement of "3.0 or above or summer school" and had no intention of honoring the agreement anyway. I've been in summer school doing catch-up for kicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 627

You deserved it 484

By Anonymous - 03/05/2012 11:37 - Australia

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 035

You deserved it 6 025

By demk - 20/08/2009 14:51 - United States

Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 737

You deserved it 8 028

By uniannonymous - 04/08/2013 08:37 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, my fiancé told me he wished he never met me and that he wished I didn't exist. Our wedding is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 078

You deserved it 5 348

Taco Bell, huh?

By tanya - 25/10/2010 12:32 - Canada

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I checked my Facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption, "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 114

You deserved it 40 921

By Sleep. - 27/11/2014 07:06 - United States - Imperial

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 431

You deserved it 2 743

By Tea_baggins - 06/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 264

You deserved it 19 703

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 674

You deserved it 7 858

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 17:31 - United States - Vista

Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 791

You deserved it 5 721

By shayes9 - 22/07/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 756

You deserved it 53 233

By Well, crap - 18/06/2013 15:02 - Denmark - Kongerslev

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 300

You deserved it 22 186

By flop of shame - 17/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 169

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Top comments

ThatOneChick856 36

Thursday 11 June 2015 14:59

Were you waiting for him in just your bra and underwear or something?

fifi125 21

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Thursday 11 June 2015 14:59

How did you not stop him taking off your pants and undies before it got to that?!

ThatFancyGuy 16

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Thursday 11 June 2015 14:57

i like him

WavRace 14

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Thursday 11 June 2015 15:36

Take notes gentleman, this is how you get on the "no no" list.

CliffyB03 28

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Thursday 11 June 2015 16:49

This is funny

Shadowvoid 33

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Thursday 11 June 2015 16:55

Hey, he saved the best for last. OP should be happy

Jinxsie 27

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Thursday 11 June 2015 16:57

I would laugh if my boyfriend did this. ?

sturschaedel 27

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Thursday 11 June 2015 18:35

#45, exactly! I think it's cute and it's something I could imagine my hubby doing if we were apart for a while. Of course that's only if both know that he genuinely loves her and isn't just visiting for the sex.

psychopolarbear 28

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Thursday 11 June 2015 19:40

I think it's hilarious. Kudos to him for being creative.

DoomSkuller 28

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Thursday 11 June 2015 21:05

#45 agreed. I feel like it would be a little insulting/disrespectful if he said it to her face first then to her breasts/vagina. Kind of like saying Hi/I missed you to someone then walking away to spend time with someone else

FiFiLovee 26

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Friday 12 June 2015 4:19

Idk what #21 is talking about because this would be funny as hell if my boyfriend did this. XD But, ya know, *Timmy Turner's dad voice* if I had one.

ThatOneChick856 36

Thursday 11 June 2015 14:59

Were you waiting for him in just your bra and underwear or something?

lil_ham1644 29

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Thursday 11 June 2015 22:12

Why not? I do it all the time just when he comes home from work. If he was gone for a while, I'd probably be completely naked when he got home.

ThatOneChick856 36

Thursday 11 June 2015 23:58

Well I can understand that, but it doesn't make sense that if she was set up for immediate passion when he got home that she'd be upset about it if he responded right away.

graceinsheepwear 33

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Friday 12 June 2015 0:00

It doesn't say she's upset.

ThatOneChick856 36

Friday 12 June 2015 0:19

She posted it on FML. That kinda implies that she is to some degree.

Hey_Buddy_ 9

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Thursday 18 June 2015 10:44

I wasn't upset, just amused and wanted to share it somewhere that other people could get a kick out of it too lol

fifi125 21

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Thursday 11 June 2015 14:59

How did you not stop him taking off your pants and undies before it got to that?!

jerzjay 17

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Thursday 11 June 2015 16:40

Because she wanted it, just as much as he did!!!

Angelkisses130 26

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Thursday 11 June 2015 16:59

He's her boyfriend. Why should she? If they missed each other maybe she was expecting him to get passionate

slingerslasher 24

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Friday 12 June 2015 0:57

imagine if they saw each other at the airport...

Hey_Buddy_ 9

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Thursday 18 June 2015 10:45

Because we were in my bedroom in the heat of the moment, and it wasn't anything bad, just funny I thought other people could appreciate too lol

kingdigbick 9

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Thursday 11 June 2015 14:59

at least now you know what he really wants

mds9986 24

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Thursday 11 June 2015 17:09

Sounds more like he was joking with her. I can't see how somebody would seriously do this.

Hey_Buddy_ 9

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Thursday 18 June 2015 10:47

It was a joke

Silk_Routes 14

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Thursday 11 June 2015 15:00

the list wd b long while coming to ur face ..lol

Xeebar 28

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Thursday 11 June 2015 23:46

What the fuck?

sstahpp 33

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Friday 12 June 2015 1:41

Sorry..what?

Drosophila82 18

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Friday 12 June 2015 5:43

52 thumbs down.... People's sense of humor dies sometimes

Niicky_fml 20

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Thursday 11 June 2015 15:01

I think talking to him about how that was extremely inconsiderate might be a good idea. Missing sex with your partner is one thing but putting their actual body before the person is incredibly rude and I'd imagine a little disheartening.

tiggerlover100 27

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Thursday 11 June 2015 15:51

I think he was joking #6 or OP wouldn't of let him take off her clothes.

lovelockdown23 23

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Thursday 11 June 2015 16:25

she allowed it... she let him remove her clothes without speaking up on it so obviously she was all for it.

AninOnin 24

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Saturday 13 June 2015 10:35

That may not ALWAYS be the case 33 (though in this situation, I think you're right). If someone doesn't say anything, it doesn't necessarily mean they're giving the okay. They could just be nervous. When in doubt, always always ALWAYS ask! A "Yes, please rip my clothes off" is way sexier than a quiet person doing the dead-body position.

DaRito 25

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Thursday 11 June 2015 15:01

He's either being funny or he genuinely loves the sex more than you.

KK3137 31

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Thursday 11 June 2015 16:16

I'm pretty sure that if he loved the sex more than OP, he wouldn't be in a long-distance relationship. That's a lot of effort for sex that could be found in his own city..

Hey_Buddy_ 9

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Thursday 18 June 2015 10:50

It was a joke, he treats me wonderfully and it wasn't something I was really upset about, just that I found funny and i figured other people could get a kick out of too lol