Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
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Top comments
JessieTaft 17
Great start to the day.
TheGriizlyBear 22
More Dora, less Family Guy
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Comments (94)
10187ok 7
Pop goes the birdy...
worldclassrager 41
If this was a frog I would have a good pun... Looks like we might have a horror movie director in her future
goodylife101 2
Time for an exorcism.
dark_angel4121 12
Your child is demented; she should immediately see a psychiatrist. And you failed as a parent.
mld4657 28
I think this is a bit much. the kid who doesn't like bacon that's a fail.
yorkie0333 13
That's hilarious I would have laughed with her. Lol you have an amazing daughter and you are some bad ass parents! Wish I had been there lol!
drc428 5
are you eating chicken? if yes why are you traumatized by the accident ? do you honestly think that bird is any different from the birds on your table? is that less gore than what happened to your food?! your daughter has bad language though, so that is bad parenting, you deserve it.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
These people could be vegans for all you know so I don't know what prompted such aggression there.
drc428 5
Veganism is a way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose. Therefore a vegan will never enjoy seeing another creature getting killed like this girl. Vegan parents take great care to transmit their believes onto their children. This is why I think that they are not vegan. Of course we never know, but most people commenting here are not vegans. I see it it as a hypocrisy to cry over a bird killed by accident, but then go eat an animal. If you are not vegan good for you, it is your choice, but do not say you are compassionate about animals, because you are not. If you acknowledge the fact that creatures get killed to be eaten by you then do not cry over what this girl did or call her a psychopath.
Tinad01 12
Wash that girls mouth out with soap for that kind of language! Little girls should not be talking like that!
worldclassrager 41
Is it like dislike day for comments? I see very few up voted comments
Stefanie88 24
Does your daughter happen to be Louise Belcher?
the_Jessicaaa 11
I could hang with ur daughter lol