Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML
Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, I went to a party. Although I wasn't drinking, I was still afraid the cops would bust me. Halfway through the party, the cops showed up. I tried to hop a fence, ripping my pants and cutting my leg in the meantime. It wasn't until was on the ground that I found out there was a gate. FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Today, I hung out with a friend who doesn’t have any kids. We went to the park, where my three year-old son decided to drop his drawers and shit next to a tree. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML
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Top comments
skullfuckery 0
Are you 13 or something? Drinking in a park, really?
powersmoke 0
YDI. Drink at home.
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Comments (125)
RJB 0
wow ur distugisting(sp?)
paks7 0
not even close
WakingTheFallen 2
YDI. I really hate people like you.
atam09 0
u ass
skyeyez9 25
unless the kid had a pair of binoculars, there is no way she saw your willy.
hauptubel 0
Be lucky you didn't get arrested for public urination, even though u should have
Ciara Koch 22
Pretty sure op would rather have public urination than exposing themselves to a minor
Ariane89 0
You were drinking in a park during the day (since a 4 yr olds party was outside) and you have the nerve to say fml? Cuz u were drunk, right? Control yourself. YDI.
captaincanoe 0
seriously dude you need to seek some help. Getting drunk in the middle of the day in a park isn't normal. You have a alcohol problem and need to seek professional help. I'm not jokeing, please use this as a wake up call. Contact your local AA, GET HELP!
Ray_of_midnight 23
Yes, this. Getting so drunk and being so unaware of your surroundings you couldn't tell there was a kid's birthday party going on nearby? OP needs help.
nprugby11 0
YDI, have fun being on the sex offender registry for the rest of your life jackass.
LadyAlathia 0
You have several issues here. 1. Drinking in a public park. Illegal in every state I've ever been to. Now, I've never been to Texas, but being the conservative state it is, I'm sure it's still illegal to booze up in a public park. 2. Getting piss-drunk that early in the day. Seriously? Kids' birthday parties take place at about NOON. The only things you're allowed to drink before noon without being labelled an alcoholic are Bloody Marys and Mimosas. 3. How the HELL do you not realise a squealing crowd of toddlers wrapped in crepe paper 100 yards away?
plexico 4
LadyAlathia, Texas' so-called conservativism is patchy and hypocritical. A lot of the laws about booze are not really enforced in a wink-wink, grin-grin kind of way. There is a fair amount of public intoxication and even driving while intoxicated that goes on here and you have to be just plain unlucky to get nailed by the cops. Where do you get the idea that kids' birthday parties take place at or before NOON? We always had ours around 3 or 4. This was determined by what our peers were doing and I finally figured it out: if you have a party around noon, everyone, including the parents, expect lunch and if you have it around 6, they expect dinner. If you throw your party in the mid-afternoon, you can get away with serving chips. A hundred yards is a long distance. If you are upwind of the party, it's possible not to hear it.
TotallyAwesome 0
Everyone who says that he deserved it, wishes they had the ability to piss on a tree.