Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML
Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, I went to a party. Although I wasn't drinking, I was still afraid the cops would bust me. Halfway through the party, the cops showed up. I tried to hop a fence, ripping my pants and cutting my leg in the meantime. It wasn't until was on the ground that I found out there was a gate. FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Today, I hung out with a friend who doesn’t have any kids. We went to the park, where my three year-old son decided to drop his drawers and shit next to a tree. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML
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Top comments
skullfuckery 0
Are you 13 or something? Drinking in a park, really?
powersmoke 0
YDI. Drink at home.
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Comments (125)
gottabeandrew 1
Being drunk is not an excuse for anything.
blah_blaah_blah 1
this sucks. your probably should have known better than peeing in public in broad daylight.... but in georgia you would have to register as a sex offender for this. Like- your name and address is on a searchable website, can't live within a certain distance from a school or church kind of thing.... might not seem like a big deal when you're 18 and drunk at a park, but is going to seem like a big deal when you're 30 and you can't move in with your girlfriend because she lives near a school. AND you probably have to put it on job applications. AWKWARD. sex offender says a lot more than "i peed on a tree once because i was drunk" make smart choices people!
HeroicDude 0
YDI for being American.
hellojessi 0
Am I the only one who's woundering how he managed to send in a FML during a day of getting drunk AND getting arrested? Seriously, were the police like "okay, make your phone call, oh and heres a computer just in case you want to send this to fmylife.com"
champagnexjam 0
yes, you might be. because you have to put 'today' at the beginning of every FML. it could have been a few weeks ago, it didn't necessarily have to have happened today.
evolveahimsa 0
the total cost to society from your offenses? zero dollars. the total cost to the taxpayers to arrest and prosecute (and possibly incarcerate) you? thousands of dollars. FOJS
bob1124 0
Bam. Sex offender list.
Stormcat 0
YDI for 1) being stupid enough to really get drunk in a public park, during the day, by a little kids party 2) Thinking you being drunk is an excuse your retarded actions, like i said, dont get drunk in a public park idiot 3) Being from Texas. I bet this is part of your every day schedule ego-man
Gruffy 0
that was fkin retarded...who the hell sits in a public park and gets drunk? ...other than hobos... you'll be meeting the sex offender list soon, dude, hopefully it teaches you some discretion...or pride... seriously, imagine how that little girl felt, gettin her B-day ruined like that.. YDI..EPIC FAIL...
s_roh 0
Thanks for adding to Texas' bad rep. Idiot.
Gruffy 0
please, texas's bad rep didnt need his help....