Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML
Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, I went to a party. Although I wasn't drinking, I was still afraid the cops would bust me. Halfway through the party, the cops showed up. I tried to hop a fence, ripping my pants and cutting my leg in the meantime. It wasn't until was on the ground that I found out there was a gate. FML
Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked six houses down and went to the party for 20 minutes. After coming out after three beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML
Today, I hung out with a friend who doesn’t have any kids. We went to the park, where my three year-old son decided to drop his drawers and shit next to a tree. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML
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Top comments
skullfuckery 0
Are you 13 or something? Drinking in a park, really?
powersmoke 0
YDI. Drink at home.
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Comments (125)
mrdecay 3
YDI you wino.
satanstoystore 0
ydi. if you are that drunk in that situation then you have a drinking problem. get help.
lorib13 0
I was on jury duty for a guy who was drugged up and exposed himself to minors. We weren't even sure the kids saw his "stuff" but he was found guilty. Not only was he getting jail time and rehab but he was also labeled as a sex offender. Wasn't really funny...
russianspy1234 11
The situation I am OK with, but why are you getting drunk at a time during which a 4 year old could have a birthday party? Since you didn't notice him while you were sober, you probably started drinking before they even got there, which would have been at what? 1pm? So you started drinking and got drunk at 11am? Yeah dude, you might be able to make the "I'm an alcoholic I couldn't control myself!" defense.
Witchcraft_fml 5
You got what you deserved for being an alcoholic pedophile! :] Seeing as a four-year-old was having her birthday party in the park, this must have been around noonish. No other words needed.
darkmis1 18
YDI for getting drunk in public. In a bar or at your/a friends house, is ok, but in public....and rite by a little girls party? YDI.
plexico 4
If they could have a good look at your dick from 100 yards away, either they have bionic vision, or you are a very blessed dude. Good luck with that registered sex offender thing.
A83_fml 18
couldn't agree more with this, that's a thumbs up plexico, unlike a lot of the other comments... See how you can be funny and not screwing other people over all the time =)
kyon65 0
lol texas
fxdxhk90 0
Please, 100 yards, the cop is reaching for a charge. Any decent lawyer should have no trouble getting that one removed. As for public intoxication, that ones probably gonna stick.
kukopia 0
Ya, you'll get off on 'lack of evidence'.
theblazian 0
ha ha ha.... dangly parts.
Gruffy 0
OMG #64...hilarious :D
emmylou512 0
Congratulations! You are now considered a sex offender.