Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML
Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML
Today, I went to a strip club for the first time ever and was about to enjoy a private dance when the stripper stepped onto my chair, between my legs, to climb up onto platform. Sexy. Unfortunately, she missed the chair and stood on my balls, full weight, without noticing. I didn't 'enjoy' anything after that. FML
Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML
Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML
Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML
Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
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Top comments
Imdead 0
Time to go on a diet bro. Good luck. It's not easy.
JenDanielle917 13
Hahaha your a douche....... Hahahahaha try being nice sometime.
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Comments (51)
chillout_fml 0
lose some weight buddy, and learn how to ****** tip, she probably stood you up cuz you put a ****** dollar down
green_199 0
Spend less on food. You'll have more money to tip with and you'll be less fat.
Lizo_fml 0
u should be spending your # on a personal trainer not a stripper. Look at ****, i think wacking it burns calories.
toast472 0
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aish_fml 0
#7 you flippin' ROCK!!!!
SgtSchadenfreude 0
#18: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I perceive two key differences here. 1. This gentleman does not have a JOB in which he gets paid to expose his body. And 2. It's never cool to make a mean (unwarranted) comment against anybody based on their physical appearance, man or woman, stripper or white-collar worker. If this gentleman had said something nasty and mean to the stripper to warrant such a comment, I would agree with you, but he did not. He only went to a nightclub to enjoy himself without hurting anybody and got verbally abused for no reason.
my_haylie_baby 0
Thank you! completely agreed! :) he was only there to have himself a good time, and she is the one putting herself out there to be judged, so whats wrong with him looking at her? it wasnt his job to be bouncin around a pole taking his clothes off!
Bralef 2
Yeah, what #27 said. And next time, do what #7 said. (Sorry if I posted this twice. The first time I made a mistake anyway)
Bralef 2
Yeah, what #18 said. Being fat is better than being a stripper. Do what #7 said next time.
Pearson_fml 0
when strippers are giving you sh*t, you've got a problem.
myexsucks 0
#13: You're amazing for referencing Seinfeld.