Intimacy: Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam....

By sadgirl - United States

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10866

You deserved it

56094

Favorite

Intimacy

Sounds like a catch

Join in the fun

I don't need to see this

By dumblond - United States

Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43249

You deserved it

6424

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39788

You deserved it

3543

Favorite

By bobjope

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29138

You deserved it

2726

Favorite

By ThatsNotGrass - Canada

Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37207

You deserved it

22393

Favorite

By Schrewt - France

Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30544

You deserved it

3147

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband told me the only reason we're still together is because he can't afford to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32016

You deserved it

3164

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26255

You deserved it

1587

Favorite

By Flaps - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16023

You deserved it

38469

Favorite

By Amanda - Canada

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55057

You deserved it

6648

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25008

You deserved it

6022

Favorite

By Kate

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5340

You deserved it

363

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22735

You deserved it

2853

Favorite

By mnavy - United States

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41449

You deserved it

5014

Favorite

By mr.palendrome - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52315

You deserved it

28036

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9572

You deserved it

46174

Favorite

By "chris_lillo" - United States - Waco

Late reaction

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1732

You deserved it

193

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3920

You deserved it

636

Favorite

By Anonymous - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my little brother learned about mortality when our dog died. Since then, he's gone a little nuts and keeps ranting that he sees no point as to why our other dog should live. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33106

You deserved it

2633

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bellerose

Is that even possible?

Today, I realized my sleepwalking habit has reached new heights. How? I woke up in the bathroom. On a plane headed to California. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3108

You deserved it

406

Favorite

By Tiffer27 - United States

Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21383

You deserved it

2427

Favorite

By Username - Singapore

Today, the elevator in my apartment building broke down. I live on the 30th floor and am still climbing the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38147

You deserved it

4375

Favorite

By argh - Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

I agree, your life sucks

10392

You deserved it

32133

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32947

You deserved it

2257

Favorite

By Wolfrunner87 - Australia - Broadmeadows

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28280

You deserved it

1938

Favorite

By Getthelysol

Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2246

You deserved it

1464

Favorite

By lovethyneighbour - Australia - Berowra

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42321

You deserved it

5515

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/3/2021 20:01

Touchy

Today, I found out that my paper about World War 2 has led my teacher to believe that I hate Jews. I wrote my paper about the technological advances made during the war, and made no mention of Jews. She and I are both Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1103

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

Love is blind

Today, my ex-wife confessed to me that she's in love with my father and broke down crying because he's never approved of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1709

You deserved it

144

Favorite

By savioyr

Today, my business partners of 5 years asked me right after our 5-hour audit with the tax department, "Oh, we have to pay tax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2832

You deserved it

359

Favorite

By bluehairedfreakgirl - United States

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45419

You deserved it

38657

Favorite

By sexxibxmami - United States

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26990

You deserved it

3700

Favorite

By Sabrina - Australia - Canberra

Move on, dude

Today, looking on the internet, I came across my ex's Facebook page. Most of the posts were about me, and his profile picture was still of me and him. We broke up over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1603

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By _philliesfan - United States

Today, I was prioritizing my extreme amount of homework. I read over the front page of my psychology paper seeing that it was pretty easy questions, I decided to do it last. Little did I know there was a 8 page essay on the back of the page. It's 12:19 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36632

You deserved it

21091

Favorite

By Oops

Today, I turned on my ceiling fan for the first time in months. I then watched as hundreds of furry spiders were flung across the room at high speed, in a circular pattern. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15095

You deserved it

1773

Favorite

By Ariel - 5/10/2020 10:02

Zeitgeist

Today, my dishes smelled so perfume-y after going through the dishwasher and a clean glass of water tasted soapy. I checked the pods my husband bought and loaded into the dishwasher to make sure we never got that brand again. They were laundry detergent pods. I was essentially a millennial eating a Tide Pod. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1184

You deserved it

243

Favorite

By juwkgo - United States

Today, as I was about to leave my house in my brand new heels, I stepped on a dead mouse. My heel went through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33977

You deserved it

5571

Favorite

By "deerling" - United States - Phoenix

Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year old Brother heard me and started crying and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about that time his sister farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1856

You deserved it

302

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24076

You deserved it

4561

Favorite

By Ethan - 7/4/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom - London

Time for the dentist

Today, I got home to my son holding his brother down with one foot on his chest and both hands on a pair of pliers, trying to pull out his infected tooth, looking like some sort of redneck, hillbilly comedy sketch. I half expected to hear sound effects in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

773

You deserved it

154

Favorite

By nomorexbox - United States

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44950

You deserved it

13426

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MisterJD | 0

#670 - Sunday 8 February 2009 15:44

Well I guess some people are just a natural born ho, others maybe need more practice.

By popoman | 0

#383567 - Friday 10 July 2009 3:18

I hope he recorded it, and it's all over the internet. Serves you right. Don't you know that stripping on the webcam risks the guy recording it (especially if he isn't your boyfriend) and bragging about it to all his friends? Kids are so immature these days. This could bite you in the ass if you want an actual job later on in life, other than stripping and whoring (which you already do for free).