Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML
Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML
Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML
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Top comments
mrmystery96 0
I say let the little bastard drink.
Jay1D 0
When someones choking you make them drink?
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Comments (267)
Tbird_2011 0
Ahh I remember my first beer
gardenwhipped 5
If it happens again. the correct response is "he was choking, blow me." If you are a woman, you get bonus points.
YoungBanks 3
you should have tried to play it off as apple juice :)
diensthunds 8
you are an idiot you never give somebody something to drink when they are choking
deadbabyjesus 2
if someone is choking and you pour something down their throat they will be drowning as well. best to do the hymlick.
Suburban_Dude 0
Hey, at least your son is alive.
druv 2
It's terrible that your son is alive and a bunch of people you may probably never meet again don't think highly of you as they didn't know what was happening
RavenNight 0
why the hell would you have beer at the table around your child?
xTheDoctorx 1
Because I am not going to hide every adult aspect of my life from them. I grew up with beer at the table as a kid and I didn't turn out to be an alcoholic or anything. I am a perfectly normal, successful member of society. It's those sheltered kids that turn out to be the alcoholics. They run loose and go wild as soon as they get the chance. Those of us who weren't sheltered don't get all hyped up about it.
st0815 9
@209 - presumably because she wanted to drink it you sanctimonious little prick.
nachtfee 9
it's beer. not cocaine. calm the f down.
mynameisnoone 2
wow way to go mom of the year right there
justbigbs 6
Their goes his developing brain cells. If he doesn't do well in school don't blame him, but yourself.